DM is homeless and penniless

[Pottlee]

I don’t know where to post this really, so apologies if it’s the wrong place.

My mum has been carer for her mum for maybe 5 years. Grandmother has now sadly passed away. Inheritance wise she has left a small amount behind, which is split between her two 60 ish year old ‘children’ (my mum and my uncle) - around £5-10k each. Mum and her brother have a fractured relationship but showed themselves to get on for the sake of their mum. Not sure it’s going to be as hunkydory now their mother has passed.

Now to the main point - my mum has nothing, like nothing to her name. She has no home (lived with her mum as carer), no money (other than the small inheritance) and no income at all. She has never worked so had made no contributions. She also had never claimed any benefits. The home she lived in with her mother will be sold and that money will go to an equity release company and to pay off a load of other debts.
What on earth happens to her now?
My uncle says she’s my responsibility now, but I would hate for that to be the case in that I don’t have room for her to live at my house, and harsh as it sounds I don’t want to become responsible for her for the rest of her life - hats off to everyone who can do it, but the idea of me having to care for her the way that she cared for her mum is just a no I’m afraid. We are close in a way but don’t get on in another. I couldn’t live with her. It would make my life unbearable and no doubt spell the end of my marriage because my DH couldn’t tolerate her daily either. My 2 DC love her but daily it would be disastrous. She is very lazy, judgemental, negative and nasty. And as I said would be able to make very little/no financial contribution.

So 1. Is she really regarded my responsibility now? 2. What should she do with regards of somewhere to live (she has no money for that) and income for the rest of her life? Is she not entitled to anything as she’s made no contributions or claimed anything at any point?

I’m aware I may come across as heartless because I don’t want to take her on so to speak, but I do want to help her set herself up somehow if she can. I’m just not in a position to be able to offer a place to live or financially.

please if anyone can advise who she can speak to or what she can do. Thank you.

No it doesn't work that way. If op's gran has not declared her daughter living there that would be fraudulent and any money owed could be recovered from the estate. Things like sdp on pension credit are £80+ a week which would be a lot of money that should have been stopped when she moved in. I'm not saying any of these benefits have been claimed wrongly, just a possibility. Maybe full council tax has been paid throughout.

Sorry not read all of the replies.

She needs to contact the local authority and get onto the social housing list asap.

She can fill in the form and it can take time to be put on the council list and then she can bid on a property.

Or she can ring the number that is for people who find themselves homeless - this would result in temporary accommodation like a hotel until she can bid on a permanent home.

I would be careful about letting her stay yours and going on the housing register that way, simply because they will say she’s not high priority.
My mum was sleeping on her brothers sofa temporarily and they said she was far down the list because she had somewhere to live.

But the temporary accommodation isn’t always that nice either (sometimes it’s lovely).

She also needs to fill in a universal credit application.
This needs to be done asap too as it can take a while.

It would still be fraud which would cause issues potentially. Councils are committed to recovering what they can.

That's an interesting point.

In a nut shell . Your mum needs to claim uc
Stay in house till repossession

In mean time make a homeless application.

She needs money and a place to stay, once repossession is done.

The rest does not matter its been done it can't be changed..

OP, absolutely nobody is legally responsible for their parents no matter what the circumstances. Your uncle is gaslighting you. Your mother will almost certainly get an flat/bedsit in an age restricted council or maybe housing association property. These are far easier to get than regular social housing because there is a quick turnover (for obvious reasons). As she has not contributed towards her state pension, he will also need to apply for benefits. I think she will need to be in receipt of these before being housed. Her rent and council tax will be then be paid for along with dentistry and prescription charges. You need to get her cracking on all of it as soon as possible.

Thank you @CombatLingerie, what a lovely thing to say

but she's still your mum and to be honest it sounds like you had your heads buried in the sand for the last 5yrs about her living arrangements and future etc

Why is it the OP's job to sort out the future of an adult woman who has capacity? OP has already come on here and been given a great deal of constructive advice and is trying to help. That doesn't mean she's responsible for, I repeat, an adult woman with capacity, but who just won't take responsibility for herself.

Yes, I know, I was looking at it from a 'moral' POV. I know that it's not the way things work.

As the saying goes, though, they can't take the breeches off a bare arse...

Good lord! The woman has cost the state nothing and the grandmother is no longer alive. In any case, there is no evidence that full council tax hasn’t been paid. I suspect more people don’t know they are entitled to a reduction that those who don’t pay.

No but it can be reclaimed from the estate. If benefits were being claimed on the basis of the gran being single then op's mum will not be liable to pay them back because she didn't claim them. It would need to be repaid by the estate. I am in no way saying that any benefit fraud has actually taken place, just that it could have done if op's gran did not declare her mum moving in.

Hi @Pottlee

I would not get too involved with your mums affairs because it seems to me that she always looks to others to sort her out, you will just be continuing to reward that sort of behaviour. It also sounds like she is being deliberately vague about information you would need to help.

Strikes me she is a “something will come along” sort of person. I know somebody close just like this.

I would point her in the direction of, the CAB and homeless unit at the council, explain you cannot help as full house, to busy with your own family.

The CAB will help unravel some of the issues for her whatever they are.

A correction to some advice you can only backdate a claim to the date you lodged a claim benefits wise so retrospective claim for carers allowance is not possible.

Ok, so the OP’s mother is NOT the OP’s responsibility, but some of the posts on here are a little harsh. It’s quite easy for women to get themselves into this kind of situation.

My circumstances are different - as a 50 year old I have a job (have always worked) and do have a house (still mortgaged). But even as a highly educated professional, my life has had various twists and turns that have impacted my financial circumstances - I am not British but have lived in the U.K. for a big chunk on my working life. I became a lone parents when my dd was very little and this impacted my career progression. I have a tiny private pension and I don’t think I will get a full state pension. I may need to sell my house to live and care for my parents.

What I am saying is that life can be very unpredictable.

Ok firstly she needs to refuse to move out of the house. Force the equity release company to evict her. By the time they go through all of the legal channels that will buy her a few more months in her current home. In the meantime she needs to register with the council as homeless. With any luck she will get offered a council property before she gets evicted from her home.

She also needs to put in a claim for universal credit and housing benefit. If she has any sort of disability or illness she needs to claim for that too. She is allowed to have roughly £6k savings before they start taking away her benefits.

Do not take her into your home. The council will class her as being housed and she will go right to the bottom of the list for council housing.

Indeed.

My mother was very similar to OP's, entirely reliant on others, never worked, no bank account or phone. Just never wanted to accept any responsibility for herself. In her case there were some mental health issues at play and I suspect that might be the case here too.

No amount of talks or advice from me or other family members could make her change her mindset. Believe me I tried.

So that poster is being extremely unfair on the OP to suggest she has any responsibility for how things have turned out.

Who are the executors of your grandmother's will?

Do you have a copy of it?

Does your mother have a roof over her head at the moment? I am assuming that she can stay in your grandmother's house for the time being.

I think that she may be able to apply for Universal Credit.

https://www.gov.uk/universal-credit/how-to-claim

I work for a charity for older people and believe me there are loads of older people ( usually women) who have gone through life like this, or all financial responsibility has just been left to husbands and when they die they don't have a clue where to start.

Why is it the OP's job to sort out the future of an adult woman who has capacity? OP has already come on here and been given a great deal of constructive advice and is trying to help. That doesn't mean she's responsible for, I repeat, an adult woman with capacity, but who just won't take responsibility for herself.

Never once said it was OP's "job" or responsibility did i? No, i didnt. But i think about my mums future, i know her situation, home, pension etc, i know that she's safe in her future even when we arent getting on, so god forbid if i wasnt here to help her if she needed it, she'd be ok, isnt that part of being a child and family?

The government, as everyone else said, will not make you take her on ...

While this is ultimately true, it's fair to say they'll have a damned good try, if only to keep some sort of control over their lengthy housing lists

However no means no, and providing OP doesn't waver they'll sort something out - even if it's just a B&B for now

This is excellent advice.

I totally get that, but you have taken responsibility in your own life, not depended on someone else to fund and support you. You got an education, you have always had a job, you have a mortgage - this lady hasn't done any of that.

Good for you, in difficult circumstances. If only this mum had had half of your motivation, she wouldn't be in this position now.

Which area in the country would she fall under as far as local authority housing is concerned? She will need to ring them on Tuesday.

Haven't read all the thread as it's pretty long now. Re work, can she not use her experience of caring for her mother to get a job as a care home worker?

We tried so hard to help her with all of this though, to prepare her so it wouldn't be a huge thing to deal with when the time came.

It was so unbelievably frustrating when she would say no to everything, then the shit hits the fan and we're expected to bail her out.

I would say to your uncle clearly that you are not taking her in, and he isn’t either. That she can declare herself homeless and she will be in the right path, but that’s the plan and you are sticking to it FOR HER SAKE.

Step away AWAY AWAY from her and under no circumstances, let her stay with you even for one night.

She has ignored all previous advice and will completely blank any suggestions to lift a finger once she has a foot in your door.

Get busy/ unwell or start renovating your house, get rodents or stuff a pillow up your top and claim to be pregnant for the next year. NO ROOM AT THE INN.

Do not let her inside your door. Good luck.