Neighbour taken mother's car keys..... would the police intervene

[whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem]

Simple facts.

Neighbour has done a lot for mum over the years
He has now convinced himself she has dementia and she can't drive
He wants me to put her in a home

The ulterior motive is He wants to buy mums house for his son and buy mums car.

I live 300 miles away and do what i can. Only this weekend I got her admitted to hospital for an assessment I didn't think she needed as I was with her the week before last. She passed flying colours.

He took her keys off her three weeks ago and I made him give them back then he had a go at me for letting her drive.

Now he's walked into her house taken her keys again and said she won't be needing them again.

I've threatened the police if he doesn't give them back but worried its an idle threat.

He's an absolute halfwit if he thinks he can buy her motability car... it's a lease scheme 😂😂 what a knob!!!!

Get a ring doorbell and call the police - he's abusing and bullying her. Full stop.

She needs her house keys and car keys back asap.

Can't you make her move in with you and sell her house, you need to get her away from this man before something dreadful happens

Something isn't adding up here... The op's mum was apparently arranged for her to be carted off to hospital for an 'assessment' despite the op admitting she was perfectly OK the week before and then had her capacity assessed which she then 'passed'? . I would love to know what hospital has the resources to admit someone on that basis? I very much doubt any self respecting medical professional carried out a capacity assessment either as legally one has to assume someone has mental capacity unless there's a 'impairment or the brain or mind' that would cause doubt...

Also contact the police in the morning and get an order to stop him from going near her

@Op this is incredibly serious and very abusive - defo signs of elder abuse here.
I would be ringing the police and social services as she’s very very vulnerable.

This man has targeted her and sees her as easy prey. The audacity to take someone’s keys is wild!

She needs protection ASAP. Goodness knows what he’s done/taken from her home as well…

Neighbour sounds like they've been grooming and coercing for quite some time. Probably thought you would all be so grateful of his caring etc you wouldn't notice him taking advantage of his position.
Your mum is vulnerable and he's abusing her. Locks changed, report for elderly abuse and if there's any way a restraining order could be made... do that too.
This bullying could have rendered her depressed and deteriorate if it wasn't for your family rallying round.

F

Great going op

It all sounds so very weird. Why was he on her insurance ? Her Motab car is for her only and others who can drive her around. No one else should be driving it- is he driving her to check ups or errands? Or is he driving her car around for his own benefit as this should be reported. It also runs the risk of her losing the car as my neighbours son was driving her motab car for his own benefit and the scheme took it away from her.

personally I would go about changing the locks. I wouldn’t trust that he’s not got a set of his own keys.

It’s ridiculous that he cleared the fridge. Surely if she was being kept in hospital then that’s a family job to do unless you specifically ask him.
Id be phoning the police as it sounds like bullying behaviour.

Oh wind your neck in, it's just in jest!!

Change the locks @whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem and keep that wanker away from your mum!

It's not a typo, it's very clear that OP has concerns about her mother's driving and that she is making a joke about her mother shagging the driving examiner to get a pass. I'm not sure why so many people aren't understanding that!

If she's legitimately a terrible driver then her neighbour ought to report her to DVLA, not steal her keys.

He sounds predatory and I’d definitely change the locks and get the police/social services safeguarding involved. Maybe employ a private care company to fulfil any tasks he has “helped” with such as shopping etc. I don’t doubt any help he’s offered has been with an ulterior motive :(

My mother also lives far away from me. OP would you consider asking her to live nearer you? I’ve asked my mother, she won’t move but it’s crazy having to go such long distances. The reality is we are their closest kin, and it’s not always us to have to consider moving. I had a really frank talk with my mother, as I can’t just keep going a long distance to see her. She has very little ties left. Better to move now before it gets to a crisis.

He shouldn't be taking her keys but you might want to check and see if you should. Has she passed from bad driver to downright dangerous or is he just a bullshitter?

As for the gp/dvla, we had to fight with them to rescind my dad's license before he killed someone. Dementia destroyed his spatial awareness within a few months.

Jesus this terrible 😬 Definitely install some cameras whether it's Ring doorbell or CCTV. Works a charm on people like this.

The OP has posted to say the house has Ring doorbell.

Mobility car can not be sold by the driver , they are taken back by the mobility scheme every three years and replaced with new car . Mobility cars are not owned by the driver

Op, don’t swallow this codswallop, you know it’s a crock of sht ! Ffs call the authorities, you need to know you’ve done the right thing

Let us know what the police said. This is very disturbing. Your mum should change her locks.

These grifters always worm their way in by being "helpful" at first.

In general it's best to keep neighbours at arm's length & hire whatever help is needed.

In this case get the law involved at all possible speed.

She was a good shag ?!!

Presumably because he's done a lot for her he has keys. Mu gm was like this, her sons were miles away and took on face value that the neighbours liked to help her a but. They didn't, they felt obligated to because she had dementia luckily she couldn't drive.

That would be theft too though by the same tojen. The man hasn't stolen the car, just removed the keys as OPs mum could be a danger to herself or others

I gave the keys back to her because her driving is no worse than it has ever been. There is no deterioration and she does not have dementia.

Do I think she should have passed her test 17 years ago? No. But I can say that about a lot of drivers on the road looking at the quality of their driving. But no one goes and removed their keys in this manner.

I said to NDN last time that if he really had concerns it was the DVLA or her Doctors he needs to contact not just remove her keys. However from my subjective (because lets face it it is subjective, she's my mum) observations, she's no worse than she's ever been.

Mum still waiting for the police to follow up and Motability to get back to her.

I'm just annoyed a vulnerable pensioner seems to have been left to fend for herself.

Also in MN
If you don’t want to care for your mother, that’s ok. She isn’t entitled to automatic care from her dcs. Just set boundaries and don’t let her rule your life.

And also
She needs help but is refusing carers? Let her fail. She won’t really get it until she is struggling so much she has to accept it.

Seriously, if you are worried about a vulnerable pensioner, don’t vote Tory or any party that doesn’t fully support the NHS and social care in the community.
Dont vote for a party that doesn’t support families when they have a ‘vulnerable dependent’ as in a child, a child with SN, an adult with disability, an elderly needing care. Whatever form that support might take.
Oh and make it the norm that people aren’t moving away from where they were born/are following their parents so they can
provide daily care when they get older. Never mind you want to live somewhere else, your partner is from another part of the country, your parents decided to live away.

And if the latest point sounds crazy, that’s because it is. But you can’t at the same time berate the OP for leaving a vulnerable elderly ‘on her own’ when she is clearly doing the best she can in her own circumstances AND support the idea that, as an adult, you should be free to move away ‘from: home’ and build your own life. Because berating her like this means you are judging her for ‘moving away’ and ‘not being there’ because she can’t be there everyday to see her (never mind she is there 20% if the time, so that elderly woman isn’t left to fend for herself all on her own)