Page 4 | DNA Test…. What are my rights…

Hedgehog93 · 2023-04-17T19:36:03+00:00

So my ex partner kicked me out whilst I was four months pregnant. We were together 18 months had a gender reveal 4 days prior. His behaviour was abnormal and volatile. Never heard off him again. I blocked him and made it clear I want zero to do with him after he dumped all my stuff off without me even being allowed to pack my own stuff and like I said pregnant and sick at the time! My son is now 15 weeks old. After much deliberation I applied for child maintenance. He’s obviously not on the birth certificate and we weren’t married. He instantly called them requesting a DNA test and as predicted went self employed in Feb and apparently hasn’t earnt a penny since. Even the guy at CSA said “this one’s a charmer!” I told him to keep his dirty money and shove it as I’m not having my son swabbed and I do not want him to then have a DNA test to then possibly take me to court to go on the birth certificate as I don’t want him near my son and he has shown zero care or acted with any humanity. He kicked his son out as far as I’m concerned not just me. He is vile. So I will close the case with CSA as it’s just not worth the bother now he is self employed also. I don’t have the energy. What I am now worrying is can he take me to court at a later date and can they force me to take a dna test? I’m hoping he won’t as he only cares about paying it seems. I do not want this man having any rights over my son and will do anything to avoid this. I also don’t have a spare 20k to battle him in court. Any advice much appreciated!!!

Original poster

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 15:44

@Soontobe60 but I’m contentious?? 😂😂👌

OP posts:

Vee1987 · 21/04/2023 16:01

If I really didn’t want him in my child’s life (eg for a reason such as abuse you have mentioned), I wouldn’t want any of his maintenance payments as I’ve known men who fight for joint custody to avoid paying it.

I have no idea about your question about his rights regarding DNA testing but I imagine so if paternity needs to be confirmed for whatever reason.

EllandRd · 21/04/2023 16:03

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 15:38

@drpet49 i think you’re find legally maintenance and visitation/access are in no means connected. A father has a legal obligation as do BOTH parents to financially provide for there child. And he does not have to be on the birth certificate to do so. This I had confirmed by a solicitor. It was a planned pregnancy. I am on minimum wage. Why do I have to scrape by whilst he doesn’t? He was the one who was abusive to me.

Still arguing with posters then? Wind your neck in and move on

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 16:06

He sounds like a prick but you can’t ask for him to fulfil his father’s duty by paying maintenance while not acknowledging him as the father on the birth certificate or via DNA. It doesn’t work that way - either he’s the father and pays for his child and has rights, or he doesn’t. You can’t just choose the bits that suit you, sorry

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 16:08

can a dna test be forced by a court later down the line so he can be added to the birth certificate = legal rights

And yes he can force a DNA test, if you refuse the court can order it.

Original poster

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 16:10

@Coffeeandbourbons so are you saying that if he applies for visitation in a years time but has never paid a penny in maintenance he won’t be able to see his son? As he can’t have the bits that only suit him? Don’t think that will happen either.

OP posts:

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 16:14

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 16:10

@Coffeeandbourbons so are you saying that if he applies for visitation in a years time but has never paid a penny in maintenance he won’t be able to see his son? As he can’t have the bits that only suit him? Don’t think that will happen either.

Are you in the USA? It’s just we don’t call it visitation here. If you are I doubt we can help much anyway as the law will be different.

If you’re in the U.K. - yes he can take you to court to force a DNA test, have himself added to the birth certificate and gain access rights. You would have to prove the abuse and that the abuse was so bad he wouldn’t be trusted around his child. Even then he might still get access, just supervised. When you say he was physically abusive what do you mean? Did you make a police complaint?

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 16:20

I can't comment on your reasons for not wanting him on the BC as we all have no idea what took place in your relationship.

However, speaking from a purely legal perspective, yes he can take the matter to court and have a DNA test ordered. Depending on the result, and the background of the situation (as we don't know all the facts), the court could order he be put on the birth certificate which would then give him parental responsibility. Following that, he could then apply for contact.

MyopicBunny · 21/04/2023 16:25

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 16:06

He sounds like a prick but you can’t ask for him to fulfil his father’s duty by paying maintenance while not acknowledging him as the father on the birth certificate or via DNA. It doesn’t work that way - either he’s the father and pays for his child and has rights, or he doesn’t. You can’t just choose the bits that suit you, sorry

Um, yes you can. Contact and maintenance are separate issues. The op can apply for financial assistance and the child's father can apply for contact.

One is not dependent on the other.

Coffeeandbourbons · 21/04/2023 16:32

MyopicBunny · 21/04/2023 16:25

Um, yes you can. Contact and maintenance are separate issues. The op can apply for financial assistance and the child's father can apply for contact.

One is not dependent on the other.

Show quote history

Of course but he’s very unlikely to just stump up without getting his full rights. Sounds like he would take DS half the time if only not to pay.

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 16:43

@Hedgehog93 I understand how you feel, my ex was just as volatile and could go from 0-100 in a split second but he still got contact with his children. He even assaulted me in front of them but the Judge said to me that they would never stop contact between father and child, they just need to make sure it's safe.

What would you do if the court ordered a DNA test and ordered PR and some form of contact?

Original poster

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 17:01

@Coffeeandbourbons exactly hence I told the CSA to forget it - especially now he went self employed. BUT legally I am entitled to that and I know full well they aren’t linked. However I don’t want to encourage contact. I applied as I thought from mutual friends he was still in an employed job and he might just see it as another bill. Plus I’m on maternity leave and it annoys me I have to lean on my parents to help me financially for a 47 year olds responsibility also.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 17:03

@backstreetsbackallright probably move tbh. Do whatever I could to avoid it or delay things just like he did with the CSA. This is not out of spite, I genuinely like my family are concerned at the thought of him around my precious baby. I don’t think I could physically hand him over to him. I’m not sure how a court would punish me 😂😂

OP posts:

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:09

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 17:03

@backstreetsbackallright probably move tbh. Do whatever I could to avoid it or delay things just like he did with the CSA. This is not out of spite, I genuinely like my family are concerned at the thought of him around my precious baby. I don’t think I could physically hand him over to him. I’m not sure how a court would punish me 😂😂

I completely understand, I felt the same way.

I just want to gently let you know though that mothers have lost residency by putting up barriers to contact. I'm not saying this to frighten you but I would hate to see you in that position through the court.

Original poster

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 17:11

@backstreetsbackallright I know 😢😢 that’s why I wanted some stories to confirm what I thought so I would know how to play it if it happens.

OP posts:

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:13

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 17:11

@backstreetsbackallright I know 😢😢 that’s why I wanted some stories to confirm what I thought so I would know how to play it if it happens.

Absolutely, it's best to get all the information you can. It's such a scary time, and hopefully he won't be interested in seeing your child. It would be a lot of effort for him to go to and from what you have said, he doesn't seem bothered.

Original poster

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 17:16

@backstreetsbackallright That’s what I’m thinking…. I think it all comes down to money with him. He was very family orientated with his nephews etc when we were together he whole situation, his whole behaviour is just bIzarre and insane…….

OP posts:

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:19

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 17:16

@backstreetsbackallright That’s what I’m thinking…. I think it all comes down to money with him. He was very family orientated with his nephews etc when we were together he whole situation, his whole behaviour is just bIzarre and insane…….

All you can do is take it one step at a time and deal with things as they happen. I also never pursued maintenance from my children's father as it wasn't worth the hassle I would get from him for it.

Nightynightnight · 21/04/2023 17:25

I think it's just referred to as Dr Google when you are looking up medical info. But sure come to Judge Mumsnet I stead for sound legal advice 🤣

He sounds like a complete fuckwit. I wouldn't want him anywhere near my child. But you need to be prepared for the worst case scenario and hope that he stays away. If you refuse any court order you could be held in contempt of court. Ultimately (in the UK) this can result in fines or time in prison.

Original poster

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 17:48

I presume because my baby is only 15 weeks old and breastfed and he has shown zero care nor met him he would only get supervised visits given babies age. He can’t obviously be away from me for long periods. Surely no judge would order anything other than supervised at this age.

OP posts:

backstreetsbackallright · 21/04/2023 17:57

Hedgehog93 · 21/04/2023 17:48

I presume because my baby is only 15 weeks old and breastfed and he has shown zero care nor met him he would only get supervised visits given babies age. He can’t obviously be away from me for long periods. Surely no judge would order anything other than supervised at this age.

I am not sure about the supervised aspect but breastfeeding such a young baby would be priority for the Court as that is what is best for baby at this time. So baby couldn't be away from you for very long while so little.

SorePaw · 21/04/2023 17:57

SBHon · 17/04/2023 22:01

So often on MN the first thing people say when a pregnant woman leaves her abusive partner is “don’t put them on the birth certificate” and yet here we have people nearly demanding that you do put him on the birth certificate! So odd!

It’s true children deserve to know who their biological parents are. Does that mean OP needs to put him on the birth certificate though? I’m torn, I don’t think I know enough about it.

@SBHon

What is 'so odd' about different people, with different opinions posting on different threads?

Do you know how many people use MN??

🙄🙄

LadyEloise1 · 21/04/2023 18:06

@EllandRd
"The baby is the only one who matters... "

I don't believe this.
I think the Mum, OP or @Hedgehog93 matters just as much.

I've no wise advice for you Op but to say I understand exactly where you are coming from.
An 18 month relationship and he treats the pregnant mother of his child like that. !!!

heymammy · 21/04/2023 18:08

In your situation I would let things simmer down then move. Quietly.

Not necessarily far or away from any support you have, but move just far enough so he doesn't have your address and come off social media if you're on it.

Nightynightnight · 21/04/2023 18:09

In the UK - You're right that the court will likely prioritise the babies attachment to you, particularly because you're bf. However, if you can't evidence any history of abusive behaviour or any risks to the child then he may be able to access unsupervised contact. This would likely only be for an hour or two maybe a couple of times a week. And built.up as the child gets older.

If you can evidence abuse or risk to the child then he may be given supervised contact, preferably in a contact centre where he will never be left alone with your child and he will be monitored and a report will be submitted to court. This would then be used to determine his suitability to parent.

However, it sounds like he's not interested and/or he will dilly dally. The older your child is when he pursues contact the more like he is to be issued with an order for supervised contact purely because the child won't know him.

If you haven't already reported his abuse to the police and you felt able to then it's not too late. Courts (and police) are likely to take safeguarding concerns more seriously if they are reported before any contact dispute is brought up.