Child announced they are changing schools and moving to love with wealthy relatives 250 miles away.

[whattheactualfcukhashappened]

Child has turned 17 recently. Text on mother's day to say they were going to grandparents for weekend. Fair enough a bus ride away.
Fast forward they are staying with my sibling and their partner for Easter.
Text to say they are going to live there, 250 miles from where we live and have secured a place at college to complete A levels.
My sibling and their partner are extremely well off whereas I'm financially secure following an inheritance.
According to my child she organised the change of colleges with her previous collage and a plan was put in place to enable the transition.
This news was told to me yesterday.
Child was 16 when she last attended her college.
I'm not going to go into too much detail about the family dynamics, I just need advice.
I wasn't consulted about this change of circumstances by their college, sibling or indeed my own child.
Surely this arrangement can't be put into place without my consent?
Is it even legal?
I'm heartbroken but like I said, I won't try to drip feed or cloud judgment by adding personal details.

Op I know this might be painful (and you don't need to tell us) but you still haven't answered this question:

What is best for your child? Where will she be happiest, safest, calmest?

All your updates are moving further from this key point. Your resentment (whether or not justified) of your mum and sister are irrelevant distractions

Sorry cross posted wuth this.

It's so hard as I know bringing her back home would cause even more harm to my amazing DD.

There's your answer. Fwiw you sound very loving to your daughter. You looked after her for the main bits of her childhood. Your bore her, maybe breastfed her. This is the main thing, no one can take that away

Sorry I'm a bit rubbish at linking comments so it may appear disjointed.
I'm trying not to out myself.

Hi OP, I’m so sorry this is happening to you, it’s sounds awful.

Unfortunately I agree with others that you’re focusing on the wrong thing by talking about your legal rights as her parent. Even if you still had any say at all (I don’t think you do) you definitely won’t once she turns 18 so you still need to address the underlying the reasons she’s done this.

If, as you say, she’s being manipulated and used by your family I think you’re sadly just going to have to let that play out. At some point she’s going to have to make up her own mind about them, it looks like she’s chosen now.

Im NC with my family, so I understand how difficult and scary that process is going to be for you, but if you don’t support her now you’ll damage the relationship and it will be more difficult for her to come to you when she needs to.

I started off thinking that the OP must have been doing something wrong and the opinions on here validated that.

However, after reading this post I’ve changed my mind.

My eldest DS does live with his dad and he’s a hermit in his room - he literally barricades the door. My ex has said to someone I know “I’ve got one son, now I just need to get the other one”. Some people just feel smug, thinking that a child prefers them, like they’ve ‘won’.

I’d just let your DD know that you’ll always be there for her if things go wrong and wait for her to come home.

I have read the thread but can’t see anywhere where you’ve detailed what the status of your own relationship with your DD is @whattheactualfcukhashappened ? You don’t need to give detailed info but I think some context here might be useful

There’s definitely more to this and you’re very secretive about the details so it’s hard to have an opinion on wether this was the right move.

However, legally, the authorities are never going to force a 16 year old to live with you, particularly as they are currently adequately housed.

Sounds like she is brainwashed against you and bribed by all the money they have and because your sister has control over her fund, she just controls her apparently. Whatever your daughter thinks of them, you still need legal advice. When your daughter starts getting her money, perhaps they will want it off from her, claiming is for expenses. It does not sound good but you are not telling the whole dynamics of the family also which in itself already shows too many things going on around money rather than love

My cousin had major problems due to abuse both daughters walked out on their 16th birthday, prior to that the police had regularly been bringing them home. One went to live with her boyfriends family and hasnt spoken to her mother since, the younger lived rough, coming home once a week for food and whatever else she could grab, then at 19 joined the army! - 20 yrs on is still there.

At 16 they will do what they want - do you have a boyfriend she doesn’t like by any chance

No boyfriend. I've given DD so much freedom to enjoy herself ( obviously there are curfews and what time will you be home, contact number etc)
No expression of concern from any family members was relayed to me ever.
DD not particularly rebellious apart from a few piercings that I'm accepting of and she had made some really nice friends.
I'm neurodivergent so perhaps this embarrassed he a little.

This is terribly sad, OP. I think you got some harsh responses here as your first post was to ask about legalities, but I can see why you did that as an initial reaction.

I hope you can keep in good contact with her and things will improve.

Really sorry this has happened to you OP. Think the post above is helpful and writing down a full history would be useful as you may not need it now, but could do so in the future. It will also help you see patterns of behaviour over time.

I'd also suggest keeping a journal where you record exactly what has happened since this occurred and how you have reacted and it made you feel. Include things like her staying out of contact and its effect on you and how you now feel towards your sibling who has pretty much taken the biggest thing in your life from you. I'd then just send a message telling her how hurt you are by her actions and you cannot understand how she could cause you so much pain, but that you do love her and will always be her mum. I wouldn't communicate with sibling or grandparent again (ever again) as they conspired with your child behind your back.

I'd also not contact your DD again after the one message. Wait for her to reach out to you and let her do the talking when she does. Cry if you need to, but don't rant or get angry with her as it is possible she may have been told that you will do this. If she texts, don't respond other than to say "I don't want to talk over text, I would prefer to speak to you. Please call me." Keep with this line as if she wants to be treated like an adult, she needs to stop hiding behind texts, communicate in person and take responsibility for her actions.

One day you can either show her your journal or ask her why she didn't communicate her needs to you over time in a normal manner so you could have understood and worked with her on this and why she thought it was fine to treat you in such a hurtful way. I would be NC with the rest of your family permanently.

I'm so sorry, it sounds like a very difficult situation. From a legal standpoint, as PPs have said, there is nothing you can do. And that's as it should be IMO. At 17, your DD is not legally an adult but she is capable of deciding where she wants to live, how her education should proceed, etc.

In your place, I would definitely work to keep the lines of communication open. It wouldn't be reasonable to overwhelm your DD with messages, of course, but let her know that you are thinking of her. Cheerful, upbeat contact.

When you say your mother is a sycophant, what do you mean by that? Does she behave obsequiously to your sibling because the sibling has some sort of control over her and she wants to gain an advantage?

Another thing is that your DD's relationships with her grandmother and her aunt and uncle are not the same as your relationships with these family members. Although they may well be emotionally manipulative, it is up to her to discover this. And it is possible that their interactions and dynamics are quite different to yours.

It sounds an extremely upsetting situation in any case.

You could have done everything right as a mum, kids just don't think long-term and beyond their immediate needs and wants. She probably hasn't even considered how devastated you would be, teens are like that.

I,m sure the thought of living with her auntie and being grown up away from you seems so exciting and glamourous and grown up. Especially if Auntie just does the fun cool stuff like holidays and gifts and fun days out and you're the one on her case to brush her teeth, do her homework, get home in time etc.

Your sibling might be in for a big shock though. Its easy to be the auntie splash the cash lavishing gifts from a distance, a few times a year, but the reality of living full-time with a teen and dealing with the boring everyday stuff is totally different.

Give it time, keep your door open to her. This arrangement might break down once reality hits home, but even if it doesn't, people mature and you need to keep the lines of communication open so you can have a relationship with her as an adult.

DD lavished with gifts and holidays etc by sibling. Things I could never in my wildest dreams afford at the time.

Honestly, if this was my DD I’d be heartbroken and very pissed off that it was all done behind my back.

But if DD is happy then I would be fully supportive knowing that as you say she’ll be doing and getting thinks you can never afford.

Make sure you keep in regular contact with your DD so she knows that she is loved and can come home anytime.
I would also try and build bridges with the sibling just so you’re not pushed out.

If your DD was younger then I’d be worried but she sounds very capable and as long as you keep the communication open then she can only benefit from this situation.

It also means you’ll have much less outgoings and you can get a better job and save money so you can have a better life too.

This must be very painful for you OP, and I just wanted to say how sorry I am. This too shall pass, though I know that's not much comfort at the moment. Sending love.

Surely a 16 year old can't apply to move to a college 250 miles away without adult consent?

yes they can

The pain is immeasurable. DM and siblings have always displayed one upmanship with regards to my efforts in life.
I am far from perfect granted. But I love my DD and have been supportive and nurturing throughout her life.
I've never hindered her from exploring new opportunities and have given her a lot of freedom.
She's an incredible girl.
I'm immensely proud of her but I have always made her aware that grass isn't always greener on the other side.

@whattheactualfcukhashappened
The Government says this about DC leaving home beteeen 16-18. I might be inclined to ask what, legally, this means in practice. Others here might know.

It will be ok, you know. She's not going to forget you after a year living elsewhere. She'll be off to Uni, then settling herself down where ever work turns out to be. She'll probably grow up and look back on it a bit shocked about what she did.

I'm hoping the novelty will wear off soon. Sibling hyper critical of all my endeavours.
Friend who've I have confided in is on several social media platforms and thinks she has befriended someone in the area, several weeks before moving there.
Phoned college today and they were aware she was considering moving but no transition process was in place.
I've guessed for years that this might be the scenario. Always trying to outdo anything I have done for my child. My DM is the same.
DD attended several activities outside of school/ college but they never attended any presentations/ competitions whatever unless they were of their own personal taste ( or had been paid for by themselves due to my financial hardship at the time) on thr few occasions they did ( due to work my work commitments they scuppered plans by arriving late etc)

Try and see it as an opportunity for her. I know it's hard. She's only gone a year early, in effect.

I think it's telling that you're immediately addressing it as a legal problem and focusing on your rights and what you can make her do.

It's a relationship breakdown. You're painting yourself as a victim with little curiosity about why your daughter made this decision.

Have you read the thread? Doesn't look like it. OP had moved on from her initial reaction.

An update..
Spoken to the Head of year from her previous college.
Was making great progress with her studies and expected to make good grades, however did ask if it would be possible to transfer to another college should she wish to relocate.
I can honestly say that she never mentioned this to me.
In the past few months I've noticed a change in her behaviour though. Lots of "amazing " new friends ( she's quite confident and gregarious) Going to the gym a lot more often and also dropping old friends as well as buying a ridiculous amount of clothes etc.
I put this down to normal teenage behaviour.
I'm beginning to think she may have had a mental crisis as we lost a very close family member about a year ago and I haven't seen her greive although she was very close to them.
DD tells me she's working pretty much full time and loving her life .
I just want her to wake up and realise that life isn't always perfect and that she's wasting thr best part of a years of hard study.
I'm certain that GM and DR have a part to play in this...like I mentioned before DM is a sycophant with covert narcissistic tendencies and would love nothing more than DD to be brought up by my wealthy and successful sibling