My parents will leave the house to my brother and I. What happens if he doesn't move out?

[thevenerablebede]

I'm thinking ahead to the future here, but would like some advice, in case this has happened to anyone else and to allow me to anticipate what might happen.

I now live in England, but my brother still lives with my parents in Scotland. He has been diagnosed with depression and is now nearing 30. I am around the same age. He has never had a job and has long since lost contact with all of his friends. Attempts to attend counselling sessions have not helped things, neither have any drugs prescribed by GPs.

I've never suffered from depression myself, at least not clinically, so I'm aware that I cannot fully place myself in my brother's shoes. However, as well as been withdrawn, my brother is also a very stubborn person, very set in his ways, and we do not have a close relationship. The current situation has now persisted for ten years and I do not presently see much sign of it changing. It seems to me that the longer it continues, the harder it will be for my brother to get out of this rut.

In view of the above, it occurs to me that my brother may NEVER recover and so will remain in my parent's house, following their death. I am aware that this is potentially a long time in the future, but it crosses my mind that he may 'refuse' to move out, citing their condition, perhaps. I know that my parents have left the house to both of us. However, in my opinion, that stipulation alone will be insufficient if the current situation persists, as I fear it might.

Sorry, didn't mean to post three times in a row, there.

Personally, I don't think my brother is that unwell. You raise many potential issues in your post though, which are a significant part of my concerns at present.

A big house would indeed be a big responsibility for him, or any single person for that matter, to take on.

Agree with this. There are certain criteria that need to be met, a certain level of disability. If not even claiming a disability benefit then I imagine it would be pretty hard to qualify !

Maybe not from a legal standpoint, but quite possibly from a moral one if my brother finds himself in a similar position one day. Social services won't necessarily be able to help much in a short timeframe.

Both my parents and my ILs sold the family home and moved into a modern, easy to run flat when they were about 80.
Is there not a likelihood that your surviving parent would do that anyway OP?
Living on in a 5 bedroom family home with all the upkeep involved when you're very elderly can be very difficult

You should think about taking legal advice. I believe the property laws are different in Scotland - this may affect inheritance. If your brother contributes to running costs, he could establish tenancy rights.

@freckles20 - yes, I have discussed this with them in the past many times. Doesn't make any difference - in their heads, she is helpless and cant cope with life. I am independent and don't need their help. It sucks, but is so deep rooted there is nothing that will shake it.

My sister's an actual millionaire, I'm absolutely not. My parents are leaving any inheritance to us 50:50. I hope they spend every last penny they have on a comfortable old age but if there is anything to inherit I wouldn't argue that I "need" more than my sister, even if it's factually accurate.

The reason I was asking if you thought they may downsize OP is because when my MIL died, half of her estate was in cash anyway. They had sold the family home a few years before and been in a 2 bed flat. If DH's brother hadn't wanted to sell the flat it would have been fine as that would just have been his half of the inheritance and DH would have got the cash.

That would solve your potential problem

@ththevenerablebede It was a moral more than a legal standpoint. Legally the police could not make him do anything. The brother gave them partners number as next of kin. Partner was fuming as he has tried everything to help and has had to walk away from the whole thing. His mother tried to make him promise to ' always look after his brother ' but we can't afford to run another house especially when we rent ! The sister who married and divorced a multimillionaire and has not worked since she met him 16 years ago can't help with any family stuff because she's got a child apparently.

From our experience it can be kinder to force the person in question to live independently with befits wherever possible as siblings can end up feeling responsible. If his mum, who is nearly 80 were to die suddenly we would be left with a massive problem as he is completely financially reliant on her. The other sibling has made it clear they won't help. We hope to start a family in two or so years and can't be funding and running around him. We are also not local - hours away.

Thank you for actually taking the time to consider the moral, not just financial issues that my situation may bring up in the future rather than simply trying to claim the moral high ground regarding a situation that you aren't privy to.

I too live hours away from the family home. I've no interest in 'grabbing' a house that would be far too big for me, never mind my brother, and is in another country hundreds of miles away. As you so vividly point out, things can easily go pear-shaped, and at any time, without an element of foresight.

My parents may wish to downsize someday, but haven't indicated that at present. It could well happen eventually.

But isn’t ‘the moral issue’ that you are asking your parents to make further legal declarations that make them uncomfortable and may end up being entirely unnecessary if circumstances change, just because you are concerned it might be hard to get your hands on a potential inheritance.
i think that is morally shady tbh.

@thethevenerablebede Interestingly the other sibling who refuses to get involved due to being a mother has had a strong desire to never work too but managed to find a rich man looking for a stay at home wife. Was conveniently stunningly beautiful. I wonder if it's more often makes who never leave home.

@ththevenerablebede People who are saying he should be allowed to stay might feel differently if it happened to them and then the boiler broke down and the sibling presented them with a bill for thousands at the same time as trying to help their child with a mortgage deposit and having to give their child several thousand less. Or missing out on a family holiday due to the cost of repairing a leaking roof.

Because if my partner's mother had her way that would be our reality if she died. Then endless squabbles with the other sibling about who pays for what.

I've explained this many times. You think what you want to think. I didn't come here asking for people who don't me to offer their opinions on whether I'm 'morally shady', selfish, a bad daughter, or whatever.

Precisely. I doubt any of them would cope any better than I would. Possibly worse.

But it's always easy, as I've seen often over the past two years or so, to virtue signal about things when you think or know that they won't affect you personally. It often makes people better to try and feel superior to others, and an emotive situation like this is a perfect opportunity for them to try to demonstrate that.

@thethevenerablebede In addition, imagine if your brother stays living in the house and needs funding and support. If the idea of certain people if that he stays forever then what happens if something happens to you? Your spouse and potentially their new partner are stuck funding your brother? What if something happens to both of you ? Your kids should support their uncle to stay in a four bedroom house? He could live to be 100 ?

I think it depends whether you view an inheritance as a right or not.
personally I dont

@thevenerablebede

It's such a hard situation but I don't think you should be penalised because of your brothers mental health that just isn't fair.

Another point to consider is if either parent has to move out to be cared for and this has to be funded and whether your brother could cope with caring for them both?? Or if anything happened to one parent, could the other deal with your brother on their own??

To be honest your parents should be encouraging him to move out now and then selling and buying something smaller and more manageable as they get older if they need to so this hopefully doesn't occur.

Are they retired?

Bloody hell. This is one final nail in the coffin of me occasionally wondering if I'd like a sibling!

I can't believe how little people would do for their sibling in the name of fairness, equal shares or not wanting to be inconvenienced.

Life isn't fair. Treating a sibling who is unwell mentally or physically, or just less fortunate than you like shit just to equal things up is baffling to me.

@frefreckles20 It's not just about getting an equal share of inheritance. My partner's mother is still alive she is just living elsewhere and gave the youngest who never left home the use of the house. He very quickly became unable to cope and a neighbour phoned the police as she was so concerned. We don't know what is happening now as partner has had to take time out of family contact while doing some therapy to improve his own mental health, because we want to start a family and need him to be in a good place. We might seem like the cruelest people ever to you but our house hold income is quite low and if partner's mother died, ( she is nearly 80) funding his brother to stay in a four bedroom house would be unaffordable. Even if the other sibling was persuaded to cough up half his living costs. Not everyone can afford to feed and house their children and pay for a whole other adult and house. We rent ourselves and will be hit badly by rising energy costs.

In addition, my partner has health problems himself. If he died relatively young, which is possible with his issues I would likely inherit his share ( we plan to marry) and so could get stuck continuing to pay for the upkeep of a house I can't access.

@Thehouseofmarvels You can refuse the inheritance if you see it causing you issues.