My parents will leave the house to my brother and I. What happens if he doesn't move out?

[thevenerablebede]

I'm thinking ahead to the future here, but would like some advice, in case this has happened to anyone else and to allow me to anticipate what might happen.

I now live in England, but my brother still lives with my parents in Scotland. He has been diagnosed with depression and is now nearing 30. I am around the same age. He has never had a job and has long since lost contact with all of his friends. Attempts to attend counselling sessions have not helped things, neither have any drugs prescribed by GPs.

I've never suffered from depression myself, at least not clinically, so I'm aware that I cannot fully place myself in my brother's shoes. However, as well as been withdrawn, my brother is also a very stubborn person, very set in his ways, and we do not have a close relationship. The current situation has now persisted for ten years and I do not presently see much sign of it changing. It seems to me that the longer it continues, the harder it will be for my brother to get out of this rut.

In view of the above, it occurs to me that my brother may NEVER recover and so will remain in my parent's house, following their death. I am aware that this is potentially a long time in the future, but it crosses my mind that he may 'refuse' to move out, citing their condition, perhaps. I know that my parents have left the house to both of us. However, in my opinion, that stipulation alone will be insufficient if the current situation persists, as I fear it might.

@thevenerablebede do you have any idea what has led your brother to be so depressed? Is it random or do you think it has some sort of cause.

I was never privy to any of the sessions, or the outcomes of them, but therapy, both through the NHS and privately, have never (seemingly) got to the bottom of it. All I can glean is former friends messing him about school. Gaslighting from them, perhaps? We've all met people like that, but it will affect some more than others.

I had a friend whose older brother stayed at home. He recently died of alcoholism in his 40's.
His sister is devastated.
I am sure she would have given up the inheritance to have him back.
Some things matter more than money.

I'm a Scottish solicitor. Worst case scenario you could raise an action for division and sale which means you could sell the house. Its is relatively routine court action.

@thevenerablebede yeah that would probably do it, people talk a lot about “girls being the worst bullies” but when I was growing up boys were far more relentless in their bullying, move inventive too and they seemed to keep their victims close. It’s sad because if that is it, far away from his childhood home/area would probably be the best thing for him.

I hope you are able to talk about it with your parents and ensure that their wishes are properly set out so the way forward is manageable when the time comes

Whatever they do, don't let them write their wills themselves without legal advice or attach further instructions to an existing will, for example. I have a friend whose parent did this and it caused a legal mess when they died as they'd written it incorrectly.

I’m a woman, not sure why you’d think I was a man. Neither of your reasons either. You should talk to your parents stating your exact concerns, they are the only ones that can solve the issue.

I imagine your parents worry a lot about what will happen to your brother when they’re no longer here as his poor mental health has stopped him from leading a normal life. To not have worked, have friends or relationships and medication and counselling not to have worked, it must dreadful for your brother. It sounds as though you don’t know the extent of his difficulties but I’d presume he’s quite ill.

I would speak to your parents, you may find they have something in mind or that a chat with them may make them realise they need to change their will in some way to accommodate your brothers needs. As a parent, if one of my children had mental health issues that had impacted their life so much, I would probably try to minimise the impact of our death on them by leaving them in their home. I would expect my other child to be sympathetic to their siblings poor mental health, but if they were not, if would be tough really as it’s our house to do either as we wish, not theirs.

@StandingInTheMoment the problem is no one can predict the future. OP may be healthy now and in less "need" of an inheritance but anything could happen in the future, illness, accident etc. The only fair way to treat your children is to split inheritances equally, and then let them choose whether to help each other.

I also don't think it's a kindness to OP's brother to enable decades of social isolation, worklessness etc. He needs help to build an independent life.

OP should speak to her parents to find out what they think would happen on their death if they leave the property equally to both children, as she seems concerned about this. They may not have thought it through properly. They may think OP would leave her brother in the house, not realising their daughter wouldn’t necessarily want to do this. They may have all intention of changing their will in the future if their son remains living with them, being hopeful that things may improve. They may have plans to downsize and buy their son his own place whilst they are alive. They may know their son won’t cope losing his home. OP won’t know without asking them, but there seems a focus on her getting her share more than any concern for her brother. It’s important her parents realise this.

OP doesn’t seem very well informed of her brothers illness or of mental health in general. Not everyone with mental illness is capable of living a ‘normal’ life. It may not be a case of OPs parents enabling this, rather that there was not much choice. Of course with OP knowing very little of his condition, there will be details of his health she doesn’t know. Her parents are in a better position to judge what is best. Wills do not have to be fair, they just have to reflect the parents wishes and if there’s an ill child, that child may be left more in a will.

Her parents are in a better position to judge what is best.

Not always, they could be being manipulated by a lazy manchild. They could be swayed by overwhelming FOG. They could be naïve on legalities. We simply have no way of knowing.

As OP has said, the parents will get older and have health needs of their own. They cannot be expected to provide an open ended commitment to looking after their adult son.

Or maybe OP is the manipulative one. It’s entirely the parents decision. OP is in another country and doesn’t seem to know much of the situation but she should speak to them as she has concerns. They should have proper legal advice. They may be completely ok with the situation of helping their mentally ill son. If I was in this situation and one child was coming across as they are here, I would be protecting my other child in my will. If they want to provide an open ended commitment to looking after their adult son, they can, even if that gets in the way of OPs plans.

I think you risk alienating your parents if you ask them to put a stipulation in their will now. It sounds like relationships are a bit strained away and given they are presumably fairly young still and you say in good health I think it will be taken badly.

almost certainly they will to each other so this only becomes relevant after both parents die and by then the whole issue may well be different if they have required care homes funding etc.

As it stands if they both die you inherit half. How that will play out has many permutations and given you aren’t close to your brother you can go the legal route and enforce his sale or eviction if you wish to get your financial share. Insisting your parents put a statement in their will to make that easier right now will very likely cause disquiet given they already seem to know you don’t approve of their living arrangement with your brother. You might find yourself totally disinherited.

Or maybe OP is the manipulative one.

Indeed, you have demonstrated my point: we have no way of knowing. As for skewing help towards the brother, as I said before, the parents won't know if the OP will be in equal need of support in the future. It's very short sighted to base inheritance on the here and now.

Yes I thought this too. When he's as I'll as he is right now the parents may feel the need to protect him in their will and put in a clause that he has lifetime tenancy of the house.

If you parents are only in their 60s and in good health I'd leave it a few years OP. They could be around for another 25 years and anything could happen in that time.
The future is an uncertain place!

Which is why if she’s genuine and is concerned about her brothers future, as her parents no doubt will be, she will be able to talk openly and honestly about this with her parents. If they plan on leaving it 50/50, what are their expectations? Will their son cope with moving from his home? Will he cope in the home by himself? Does the will need changing?

If they know she doesn’t care about her brother and is just wondering how best to kick him out of his home, things may break down but if it’s from a place of love and concern, they may value the conversation. I’m sure OPs parents will know which category OP falls into by her past behaviour and relationship with them.

Wills are based on the here and now but can be updated over the years to reflect changes in people’s circumstances. At present, they may hope that their son becomes more independent over the years. Or OPs parents may know more of his medical history and realise thats unlikely to happen and have only done a 50/50 will for now to keep the peace as it’s unlikely they will both die. They may have all intention of leaving their home to their son when it becomes a more likely situation as they age.

The courts are used to this sort of scenario and social services may need to be involved if his illness is severe anyway because living alone might not be an option. I would not worry too much though, things may change

I feel for your parents in this situation. It can't be easy for them having an adult child at home when they should be enjoying their retirement. Might they need support to help your brother to start leading a more independent life? It's a lovely thing they are doing supporting him through his mental health difficulties, but as they get older this could become quite a strain for them.

I have a work colleague who is in her 70s. The only reason she seems to still be working is so that she can contribute to financially support her adult son who stays at home and can't or won't work and as a result she seems to have very little life of her own.

Maybe have an honest and kind chat with your parents about the current situation and ask if there is anything you can all do as a family to help your brother - medical support, counselling, independent living. Your parents and brother need help now.

Are your parents doing everything for him at the moment eg cooking, shopping, laundry? Would he actually be able to cope in a family home on his own?

How would he be able to afford to maintain it by himself? I assume he isn’t paying anything towards it at the moment.

When your parents get older and possibly need help/care, is he going to do it?

If some posters think the OP doesn’t understand about MH and that maybe the parents just leave the property to the brother, how does that actually help him, if it hasn’t been thought through how he is going to be able to cope after their death

Does your brother have any income? benefits?
Your parents need to address this, ask him what he thinks will happen when they're gone. He's not a child.

He claims benefits at the moment and does a little cooking but all of the rest of the housekeeping is provided for them. I think he would probably be able to manage on his own if he had to, my brother is intelligent and educated, but it is a large house for one person, so things such as energy, council tax and home insurance etc might be a struggle.

I don't really appreciate it being inferred by others that I am somehow selfish for raising these concerns. Even 'manipulative'!? I purely came here for some advice regarding a very real situation. These issues need to be addressed, whatever your suspicions of my motives. I would like to see how some of you would cope in the same position. My brother is clearly ill and needs help. I have asked my parents many times about what can be done and what is the extent of his illness. We all want to do what we can. That doesn't however mean that the world should revolve around them, or indeed vice versa, as you keep saying.

So when you've asked many times, and presumably also about what will happen to the house if its left to both of you what do they say?

If he refused to move out I think you would need a court order to shift him. The alternative is that he buys you out.

I think you are asking a very reasonable question OP. I don't understand why some posters are so arsey about it.
Have you discussed POA with your parents?

As has been alluded by other contributors, they have confirmed that we will both, at the moment, have an equal share, but also emphasised that it will likely be a long time in the future and that things can and hopefully will change in the meantime. My personal view, from what my brother has said re his aspirations, and what my parents have said also, is that, with encouragement now from us all, my brother would be able to live a superior life independently.

I am purely preparing for the worst-case scenario now, in case it transpires, so we can adjust accordingly. I certainly do not want court orders etc to be involved.