My parents will leave the house to my brother and I. What happens if he doesn't move out?

[thevenerablebede]

I'm thinking ahead to the future here, but would like some advice, in case this has happened to anyone else and to allow me to anticipate what might happen.

I now live in England, but my brother still lives with my parents in Scotland. He has been diagnosed with depression and is now nearing 30. I am around the same age. He has never had a job and has long since lost contact with all of his friends. Attempts to attend counselling sessions have not helped things, neither have any drugs prescribed by GPs.

I've never suffered from depression myself, at least not clinically, so I'm aware that I cannot fully place myself in my brother's shoes. However, as well as been withdrawn, my brother is also a very stubborn person, very set in his ways, and we do not have a close relationship. The current situation has now persisted for ten years and I do not presently see much sign of it changing. It seems to me that the longer it continues, the harder it will be for my brother to get out of this rut.

In view of the above, it occurs to me that my brother may NEVER recover and so will remain in my parent's house, following their death. I am aware that this is potentially a long time in the future, but it crosses my mind that he may 'refuse' to move out, citing their condition, perhaps. I know that my parents have left the house to both of us. However, in my opinion, that stipulation alone will be insufficient if the current situation persists, as I fear it might.

Are your parents happy with him living with them? He must be really draining for them.

Then OP should speak to her parents, not mumsnet. If she does that of course, they may leave the house to their son like another poster pointed out, as they may see him as vulnerable. Let’s not pretend this is about being open and honest so there’s no complications, because of that was the case, you talk to your parents about it.

@thevenerablebede unless I missed something from this story, it’s very much depending on the age and health of your parents. It seems likely this is an issue which won’t arise for another 30-40, maybe even 50-60 years. My guess is by that point, you will just end up putting your foot down because you will want the money for your children to buy property with, or you will need it for your own old age care. Inheritance isn’t what it used to be! Many people only gain inheritance when they are all ready well into old age. In our family the grandchildren were mostly middle aged by the time of grand parents passing. Which is great! But also means the family fortune is unlikely to figure into your plans in the way you might be expecting.Sadly, it’s also possible that the house will have to be sold or rented out to pay for your parent’s care at some point, depending on your financial circumstance when that issue arises.

It sounds like this issue might be a bit of a deeper one for you though, it seems like you have some complicated feelings about your brother living with/being taken care of by your parents, is that the case? You seem to rationally know his is a bit of a miserable existence, but you sort of also seem to resent the fact that he is getting the comforts of life handed to him. While you’re not yet fully financially secure, you are on a much better path/trajectory than he is. It might feel unfair (i agree it is by the way) but I’m certain your life is richer and more fulfilling than his. I’m sure your parents would love it if he was as independent as you are, but sometimes people just don’t thrive, it’s so sad and frustrating and you might even suspect he’d be far better off if your parents just kicked him out. It’s their call though, the house is still theirs and they’d likely do the same for you if you needed it.

But she won’t talk to her parents. I wonder why. 😏

Its probably the way you have worded things particularly when you say you expect half of it and that to split it 50/50 would be fair

Its a bit unpleasant to talk of expecting it, like it something that should happen

Also whether 50/50 is fair or not is down to perception. Theres countless threads about this sort of thing where some people viewing it as fair that he would be left the house because he is somewhat dependent by the sounds of it and has no where else to go. On the other hand you have a better capacity to be independent and it sounds like you already are

So who needs it most?

The OP has already said she will be, and they’ve clearly already had discussions about it as she knows the 50/50 plan.

It’s totally understandable to ask for other peoples experiences.

I don’t know anyone in RL who’s in this situation but my situation with my sister is really similar to the OPs, it’s useful to know how other people approach things.

If you feel that way, tell your parents to leave it to your brother then as there will be less complications for you.

How do you know that I haven't spoken to my parents about it? I have, on several occasions, and have a perfectly good relationship with both of them. Sorry to disappoint. I just want to prepare, that's all, as Sarah Coggles wisely says.

He buys you out of you sell it and he buys a flat with his half !

What do they say about your brother moving out?

Other way for us. Pil are moving in with bil
and selling their house.

they’re going to use the money to do his renovations that he hasn’t been able to do over the last few years, pay mortgage off etc.

when they die the house will be over £1m but it will belong to bil.

Flipping heck the law might have changed in 25 / 30 years time what’s the point in seeking advice now? Your parents may outlive your DB. He might recover. And, as always, so much misunderstanding of mental health on these forums.

You’re obviously not satisfied with any outcome as you’re on mumsnet trying to find a way around this. It may not happen for many years yet it’s causing you enough stress to post. You’ve said it would be easier if they leave it to the dogs home so let them leave it to your brother, he gets to stay in his home and you don’t have to stress over it. Your mum and dad can know that their son is ok having had to deal with many years of poor mental health. It will probably be a weight off all of you.

Quite so.

Please please speak to your parents about starting the process of increasing your brother’s independence now. My nearly 50 yo brother who has mh issues (but refuses to acknowledge this or seek help) had always lived with my parents. He got more and more deskilled and dependent on them. They did more and more for him. Mum’s mobility and health declined and it became vital for her and dad to move somewhere more suitable. Brother refused to move out and he became controlling and aggressive. Police eventually became involved and he was arrested and not allowed to return to the house. Long story short he’s now in a one bedroom flat. Totally deskilled and quite vulnerable. Mum and dad live nearby and see him all the time to help him keep up with the basics of maintaining a home and managing the basics of his life. Its been truly horrendous for everyone and in retrospect probably could have been avoided if brother was encouraged to live independently much earlier.

Agree with this ⬆️

You have my sympathies. That sounds like one of a number of horrible situations that need to be approached at an early stage with thought.

Surely that's exactly what OP's brother is doing, albeit in a more passive way.

No, he has depression. Unless you think that’s all been a plan to possibly inherit his parents house one day, maybe even as far into the future as when he’s 70. Yes, that will be it, he’s playing the long game. 🙄

What's with the 🙄do you think it makes your argument any better? Depression is not a catch all excuse for never being independent or relying on your parents forever. I'm sure the OPs parents aren't too pleased having to subsidise their 30 year old son who won't take responsibility for himself.

OP you're not wrong for worrying about this, and perhaps your parents have thought about this already. It might be the push they need to help him gain some independence.

I would just ignore whoever 'DancingInTheDressingRoom' is. He's either being deliberately contrarian or is completely disconnected from the issue here.

Just a thought, but if OP discusses the ramifications with her parents now, is there a possibility they might decide to leave the property to him exclusively ?
I'd wait until after the second death, & force the sale.

In fairness, I'm sure that's not his intention. It's purely how things might transpire, intentionally or otherwise, which concerns me.

An exes parents had a clause in their will. The sibling had six months to find other accommodation, the house then went up for sale and split 50/50.

Clinical depression is a spectrum though

The brother may be completely incapacitated by it and he may be one of the rarer patients who do not respond to therapy or medication

On the other hand, he may be unwell to some degree but further disabling himself by not engaging in treatments, his lifestyle may be exacerbating that even further, not going out, wrong foods, lack of exercise, not engaging with life even if he could in small ways

So he might not be playing any game, but may well expect that his life isnt going to change, why would it in his view? No one has challenged him to any great degree so far and he is firmly ensconced in the house without having to worry.