My parents will leave the house to my brother and I. What happens if he doesn't move out?

[thevenerablebede]

I'm thinking ahead to the future here, but would like some advice, in case this has happened to anyone else and to allow me to anticipate what might happen.

I now live in England, but my brother still lives with my parents in Scotland. He has been diagnosed with depression and is now nearing 30. I am around the same age. He has never had a job and has long since lost contact with all of his friends. Attempts to attend counselling sessions have not helped things, neither have any drugs prescribed by GPs.

I've never suffered from depression myself, at least not clinically, so I'm aware that I cannot fully place myself in my brother's shoes. However, as well as been withdrawn, my brother is also a very stubborn person, very set in his ways, and we do not have a close relationship. The current situation has now persisted for ten years and I do not presently see much sign of it changing. It seems to me that the longer it continues, the harder it will be for my brother to get out of this rut.

In view of the above, it occurs to me that my brother may NEVER recover and so will remain in my parent's house, following their death. I am aware that this is potentially a long time in the future, but it crosses my mind that he may 'refuse' to move out, citing their condition, perhaps. I know that my parents have left the house to both of us. However, in my opinion, that stipulation alone will be insufficient if the current situation persists, as I fear it might.

"Ironically, it would make life easier if the property was just left to a dog's home, so I'm not really sure what this person's point is."

Ouch OP that reads as a very telling statement to me.

I am an only child, as is my son. I'd have liked to give him a sibling, but I wasn't able to unfortunately.

Reading threads like this make me question some of my beliefs about unconditional love between siblings.

You don't seem remotely concerned about your brother. You've decided he is wallowing in his depression and using it as an excuse not to live the life that you think he should. Maybe that is the case for some people who feel they are depressed. However, it is an illness which can be incredibly disabling and make someone's life extremely difficult despite their best efforts to feel better. Would your attitude be the same if he had a physical disability or illness?

Feeling you'd prefer the value of the properly to be left to a dogs' home so that you receive nothing, rather than your brother receive more than you is pretty unpleasant IMO.

You could maybe ask him to pay a snall amount of ‘rent’ to you?

OP going back to your parents responses to your discussions, surely the easiest solution is for them to say they have put a condition in their will that the house is left to the both of you equally and that should your brother not be able or wish to buy you out of your portion that he be required to move out and sell it with you within 6 months of their death.

That would make it clear what the expectations are should he still be in the property at the time

By saying that its a long way off and things might change, its all very vague and woolly.

To answer your earlier question. I'm an only child but DH has a brother with a speech and language disability. He is in his mid 40s and lives with my in-laws.

We have made sure that DH's parents have left their entire home to the son who lives there. They expressed some awkwardness about this being perceived as unfair but we have reassured them that will not be the case. They will also leave him the majority of their estate.

To back this up we have provision for DH's brother in our will too, so that in the event of our death he is provided for in the same way as my son (DH's step son).

it will likely be a long time in the future and that things can and hopefully will change in the meantime. My personal view, from what my brother has said re his aspirations, and what my parents have said also, is that, with encouragement now from us all, my brother would be able to live a superior life independently.

So this is what you now all need to focus on at the moment OP, not the wills. Assuming of course you parents are in their early 60s and in good health.
Anything else is a long time in the future so I think you've time to worry about that if your DB doesn't manage independent living in the next 10years

If you are in England having a disabled adult in the house will protect it from being sold for care home fees or a charge put on it.

We have a house in Trust for a disabled family member (sibling of mine) and the beneficiaries are my children. It would have all have gone in care home fees (which were £750k as it was) had she not been living there.

It is about the principle really - my family coddle my sister whereas I am the one 'who can cope'. In reality she is more than capable but more willing to manipulate and cry poverty whereas I have some self respect. Hell if I would let her get more out of the house than I do when we inherit.

What age are your parents?
If they are in their late 80s this is a consideration. If they are younger than that this discussion will come across to them as you being greedy and criticising their parenting choices. And trying to get your hands on their house.
You might be better off focusing on your finances and making sure you can afford a house of your own regardless of what the outcome is with your parents.
One if them could live to 103. Any selling of any house could be a long long way off.

I think that you're reading things that aren't there. I meant that flippantly, in response to another user's post.

'Would your attitude be the same if he had a physical disability or illness?' Quite possibly not. Your relative is clearly vulnerable and so needs substantial help. If you'd read what I'd said earlier, you'd know that my brother has aspirations and certainly the academic ability to potentially live a superior life to this one, once they've recovered. The issue with depression is that it's hard to see what is going on in someone else's head, as opposed to a physical illness/disability but surely that is a start?

I don't think it's unreasonable to wonder about how an average single person (disabled or not, employed or not) would cope running a house that effectively has five bedrooms in a pretty expensive town in Scotland.

Some posters don’t seem to be acknowledging that making sure the op’s brother has somewhere to live (whether it be family home or somewhere smaller) is the “easy” part of the conundrum. The real difficulty comes if brother hasn’t had any experience of living independently and managing a household. As I explained in a previous post I have experience of this awful situation and the stress it causes everyone and the loneliness and vulnerability of the middle aged adult who suddenly lives on their own. Even with family members helping, it is a disorientating and depressing situation to be in. My db is lonely, deskilled, sad and without friends, a job or life skills. Whilst he lived with my parents he was cossetted. Real life is now scary and real for him.

Do your parents and family know that you are struggling too? It might be helpful if they knew how you feel and that you need as much support as your sister. Otherwise you can't blame them for supporting her more both practically and financially.

Quite so, no way of knowing. My parents could outlive me for all I know. I just wanted some advice, not to put anything down concrete...

Sorry but I agree with some of the others. You are coming across as grabby. You are say 28 or 29 and already thinking about how you can get your hands on the property. It's unseemly.
I have a younger sibling who is in that position of your brother and I'm older than you and not once have I thought along the lines upon which you are thinking.
Perhaps you should put your efforts in to trying to help your sibling instead of focusing on how you can make money down the line.

Why would I want to 'get my hands' on the property? I would only ever be entitled to one-half of it in any case.

Yeah? Good for you. Part of the reason that I'm thinking about this now (I don't always) is that I live alone myself and my outgoings are absolutely enormous, to the point where I'm getting effectively wiped out every month. I am trying to find a better job right now to get more of a grip on it, and things could easily change, but perhaps you're in a better financial position yourself.

Part of the reason that I'm thinking about this now (I don't always) is that I live alone myself and my outgoings are absolutely enormous, to the point where I'm getting effectively wiped out every month.

But OP you must see that future inheritance is nothing to do with this. Unless your parents were old when they had you most people don't inherit from their parents until they're in their 50s.

You don't say how old your parents are but people are trying to point out you've got many years before you need to worry about any inheritance issues

At what point do OP and her family need to consider how her brother will ever be independent?

It is always good to have a watertight will never mind how old you are

@Felicity42 i disagree, you don’t wait until people are elderly to have these discussions, it’s far better to make a plan while they’re fit and healthy.

Dementia, for example, can start at any time, as can cancer. Two of my friends have parents in their late 60’s and the other in their 70’s. One has terminal lung cancer, the other started showing signs of dementia around 72. Now, at 75, her daughter’s having to exercise the financial POA because her Mum can’t manage her finances anymore.

Waiting until they’re 80 is a bad idea, you never know what’s around the corner health wise.

@thethevenerablebede I think you are sensible to consider all this. My partner has a brother who is almost 40 who has never worked. He has no actual diagnosis of anything although we think he is probably autistic. He is very intelligent and could probably work with computers if forced to work. He is the youngest and was always babied. He has never moved out of the family home and has got more and more agresive as the years go by. Partner's parents split many years ago but never divorced or sold the house, so he has always lived with his mother. Partner's mother moved in with a new partner earlier this year. She also has a holiday home she inherited. She basically said to his brother that the family home was his house now. My partner's sisters divorced a wealthy man last year so she is fine but we are stuck renting and would like to have two or three kids. So him being given the sole use a four bedroom house was a bit annoying but we accept she wants him to have a home forever. Anyway he doesn't even claim benefits and never did house work and partner's mother struggled to pay the bills for that house, her holiday home and contribute to her partner's bills. He ended up in such squalor that a neighbour who went to see him called the police as she was concerned about his welfare.The police then called my partner and tried to persuade him to sort the situation out and take responsibility for his brother. People are going on about OP being grabby and how she is being really horrible about her poor sick brother and how she should always let him stay in the family home. The thing is this is really impractical as the op may then end up being financially responsible for the brother and the house. The police certainly tried to push the responsibility onto my partner and the same could happen to OP. The police likely know how stretched social services are and both them and social services may encourage family to support instead of them where possible.

If your brother is so unwell he cannot function he should go into sheltered accommodation when your parents die. From the experience with my partner's brother, leaving someone in this situation in a big family home is a huge mistake that will impact on their siblings. ' he's unwell he needs a forever home' ignores masses of practicalities.

Nope, according to them, because I'm thinking ahead I'm desperate to 'grab' their house and am so incredibly selfish.

This is exactly what I think. You cannot predict the future. For instance, one Grandad of mine sadly developed Alzheimer's in his 60s. The other sadly died aged just 56. I never knew him.

Nope, according to them, because I'm thinking ahead I'm desperate to 'grab' their house and am so incredibly selfish.

This is exactly what I think. You cannot predict the future. For instance, one Grandad of mine sadly developed Alzheimer's in his 60s. The other sadly died aged just 56. I never knew him.

Nope, according to them, because I'm thinking ahead I'm desperate to 'grab' their house and am so incredibly selfish.

This is exactly what I think. You cannot predict the future. For instance, one Grandad of mine sadly developed Alzheimer's in his 60s. The other sadly died aged just 56. I never knew him.

What happens if your mum needs to pay for care though and needed to go into a care home ? Can the house not be sold because your brother lives there?

It's nothing to do with the police and not their responsibility to be pushing anything on anybody. If a vulnerable person lacks capability, then they need interventions from adult social care who can help with assessing the person and sorting out power of attorney etc.

People dont seem to understand how impossible it is for someone like OPs brother to access sheltered accommodation as suggested.