Money claims from ex partner

[Toadcatcher]

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

Hes still trying to abuse you ignore him.

I know I am freaked out. I still believe he can tell me what to do and punish me for not doing as I am told.

Why are you still having sleepless nights?

You've been told by EVERYONE on this thread that it's a bullshit letter written by a solicitor who's been paid to write what your arsehole ex has told them to.

It holds no legal power.

Stand your solicitor down and just send a basic reply back yourself.

Then he has no claim on it. Sell your engagment ring and take yourself and your DC off on a mini break.

@Triffid1 the lawyer acts on her instructions. If she has taken the letter in and said "can I have a fee estimate for responding to this" it's not unreasonable for them to give an estimate for a full response. However, I do agree that they should make the client aware of the option of a short dismissive response if the OP has told them it is all nonsense and particularly if they have been made aware of the past abusive behaviour.

OP you asked about next steps. Is the letter marked something like "letter before claim"? If so, once the 28 days has expired he could bring a claim against you. He would have to prove the loan, that the ring wasn't a gift (as it is presumed to be under English law, assuming you are in England) and his 40% contribution to the car. He would have to prove these things on the balance of probabilities, I.e. make a judge believe they are more likely than not. You would bring evidence to disprove the points, eg correspondence refusing payment for the 40%. But it might never get to court. He must know his claims are bullshit so he is probably just using the solicitor's letter to try to bully you.

Don't mention this. Do as other people have suggested. Keep it brief. Don't give them your evidence- save it if you need it for court.

This is good but I'd add a line about previous police involvement too.....

Thank you all - I am absolutely listening but find it difficult to understand that I am not obligated to defend myself. I will reread all of the advice given and respond to his solicitor accordingly. If he is determined to go to court, he will do this anyway and then I can instruct a solicitor when I need to.

She’s already said it’s registered to her but they have a formal agreement he owns 40%

If you are in the uk can you contact women’s aid, they may be able to help. Check what benefits you have at work, a lot have access to legal advice lines. You don’t have to return ring in uk.

As literally everyone has said, @Toadcatcher - this is not a letter with any legal force and you have no need to respond to it at all. Your current solicitor may claim they understood you wanted to respond to the letter point by point and refute its claims, and that's why they didn't simply advise you to ignore it. But it seems pretty clear they have exploited your vulnerability.

I can see that in the US this is now known as litigation abuse, but I'm not sure if the term is common in the UK. If you do want to get some credible legal advice you could try Rights of Women, I don't know how long it might take to get through.

The fact this is causing you sleepless nights just shows that his abuse is working. You could also seek support from Women's Aid, not least about the fact that he now has your new address.

He can't.

He has paid a solicitor to write this letter in order to punish you but you do not have to take him seriously. His solicitor will not have fact-checked any allegations and this letter has no legal weight. The solicitors you have initially consulted are untrustworthy. Don't engahe with them.

Write a simple letter back to the solicitors as pp say - that you do not acknowledge any such debts except for the car for which there is a written agreement that you haven't breached (you can enclose a copy of that), that you have plenty of evidence to back up your position that all the other claims are false and vexatious which you will do if required to be court procedings, but that the court will also be hearing of the backlog of unpaid child maintenance if he continues this ridiculous obsessive pursuit.

When he made the "loans" was a repayment ever agreed in writing, or did you ever start making repayments? If no tp both of them then no Court in England/Wales (if that is where you are) will find I'm his favourite as there ate no implied legal obligations to repay between family/relations they can only be enforced if they ate explicit, either by being in writing or action, I.e. you starting to make repayments.

In regards to engagement ring they ate deemed to be an absolute gift and there are few reasons in law they should be returned. 2 i know of are is if it was agreed it would be returned if the marriage doesn't go ahead and the other a Court can order its return if it was a family heirloom that he inherited through his family.

No idea about the car, would depend on whose name it was in, who paid the maintenance, who had evidence of buying it originally etc

As others have said a solicitor letter is not an obligation to pay, it is just a notice that someone has made claims against you. Depending on value of claim he is unlikely to be able to get it through small claims as you have said his claims total 10s of thousands so he'll have to go through fast track or even multi track which is time consuming and costly.

If you genuinely believe the items to be gifts and you have made no repayments then reply to solicitor as such. Until there is a court case and a court order for you to pay or return the items to him then the solicitors letter is just meaningless.
I would advise against ignoring them though as he could use this against you if it does go to court and you may find yourself being the recipient of his costs if you don't engage before it ends up in Court.

Not true unfortunately, the registered keeper is just who is the main user and responsible for maintenance etc, it is not proof of ownership, as is stated on the V5c.

@eurochic I still maintain her lawyer is giving very poor advice. Unless she has refused to.listen to her lawyer, the lawyers recommendation should be the same as we have all.said here. It's not a complex legal issue. It's a man attempting to use a lawyer to.abuse his ex partner and a decent lawyer should be able to see that and advise accordingly.

Op, it is hard not to panic. But based on what you know of him, do you really think he will go.to court or that they will side with him? Remember, this is a man who was literally thrown out of court previously.....

OP have you thought about making an appointment with the Citizens advice bureau (CAB)?
A fresh set of ears and eyes and won't try to milk you for lord knows how much.

This is a solicitor's letter. It has no more legal force than a letter from your ex. You do not have to defend yourself against the specific allegations unless he takes it to court. Even then, you should ignore the character assassination. As far as the courts are concerned, that will just make him look bad.

My advice would be that you should not respond to the specific allegations. Simply write back using the wording recommended by @JustAnotherLawyer2 at the top of the thread. That puts the ball back in his court. If he decides to take it to court, that is when you need to respond to the allegations.

My own dickhead ExH is self employed and pays PAYE below income tax threshold. Simply tell the CMS this (I pointed out his rent @ £900) was more than his income by way of rationale). They use his annual self assessment to calculate his true income and base maintenance on this. It's a fairly common issue with shady responsibility averse shits

I've also been down recovery route (he's a proper gem my ExH) took a while as deduction of income etc isn't a route available through self employment but ultimately he'd have ended up with a CCJ which would have caused him massive ramifications. It took around 18 months but finally I got it

And bear in mind the solicitor is being paid by the hour; if he asks them to send multiple letters whether with foundation or not, they're making money. I wouldn't engage in correspondence

I'd just ask them to issue a claim via courts. I doubt they will as they know it's baseless. He'd have to evidence the claim, which he can't. The judge will most likely kick it out

OP, you are not obliged to respond at all!

This letter sounds scary but it is nothing. Don't respond.

If he intends on taking you to small claims court then he will. It's about control and manipulation.

Civil court usually insists on mediation being attempted first. You'd only have to communicate with him at that point or if you get the court docs in the post.

Let him rattle his cage at you. Ignore him and his silly letters. Don't engage.

He's tipped his hand though as now you know what he may claim for, you can collate rebuttal evidence just in case it goes to court.

I speak from personal experience my ex did this he sent me a solicitors letter wanting gifts back and things he had signed over to me on our break up. Mine was more complicated as the police were involved and his ex wife etc

He sent me a solicitors letter asking for £15 000 and giving me 4 months to pay.
I wrote back and said I owed nothing that these were gifts and it went quiet for a year and then I got another letter and I ignored it. He then took me to court asked for £15 K in the small claims court which was more than the amount he could claim. At that point I engaged a solicitor and we had a court hearing - I had Covid and it was online but I didn’t attend as I was ill. The judge ordered a hearing with all evidence to be examined. I got a barrister the solicitor had charged me £2K all in with 700 of that being for a barrister - I offered him £2500 to settle not because I felt he had a case but to get rid of him but no he wanted court. He lost on every count and by then had spent £16K on legal fees.

so I would respond - don’t give any thing away but respond with a letter but start compiling evidence - the letter previously posted is perfect but a line about domestic violence and police and also a reminder of maintenance owed and an estimate and a date it is due by as a reminder. Be careful on how you write it. In fact maybe a separate letter about child maintenance saying since this date your client has paid no maintenance and to remind him that this money is owed for the children.

so find police reports, evidence you offered to buy him out and his reply - print off. Go straight to CMS today and file for that. Costs for relocating costs for moving receipts etc absolutely everything you have.

you can go direct to barrister (I can recommend mine) but in the meanwhile CMS file immediately but keep it separate from the other money. Did he have any assets that were joint that he kept?

@eurochick I asked for an effective action plan and cost estimate. I also made it clear that I need to keep costs as low as possible and I have not budgeted for this. I additionally mentioned the many tens of thousands that I just finished paying off in legal costs. I got very evasive responses from the solicitor. When I asked if this was a family law matter, seeing that ex instructed a commercial litigator, they said it was a mix and they would work together with a litigator. I think they should have sent me to the litigator and not act as a middle man as all the information the family lawyer needs seems to be obtained at a cost from the litigator. I tried to be clear regarding my expectations and budget.

@Hopeandlove well done for getting justice! My ex’s claim is twice as much, so it would definitely not go to small claims court.
coyld I instruct a barrister without a solicitor once this goes to court?

Another lawyer here.

Disinstruct your solicitor and save yourself their fees.

Ignore the letter.

You could reply but to be honest I think you'd tie yourself up in knots. Do nothing unless/until there is a court process then take advice from someone else more effective than your current lawyer.

On what planet is this a commercial litigation matter? Unless you and your ex ran a business together, I just don't get it. If he's using his corporate lawyer for this, he's an idiot (and his lawyer is unprofessional) but that's not your problem.