Money claims from ex partner

[Toadcatcher]

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

I had a similar issue with my ex-husband threatening all sorts following our divorce. Letters from his solicitors demanding all sorts of outrageous things, starting 6 months after our divorce was finalised and continuing for almost 3 years. The first letter almost broke me because, like you, I assumed a letter from a solicitor meant everything in that letter was true. It bloody well wasn't and thanks to some initial support from my own solicitor, who advised me on how to go about things myself without needing to involve her other than to write an initial response, I weathered each and every shitstorm my ex-husband - via a solcitor - tried to throw at me.

My advice would be to take what his solicitor is saying with a huge pinch of salt - your ex will be approving any and all correspondence they send to you, including inserting his own wording. If you want to write back to them, might I suggest something along these lines.

Dear Sir

Re: Your Client (insert bastards name here)

I thank you for your letter of (insert date here) upon which I have now had the opportunity to seek legal advice.

Your client has never made a loan to me in any amount, and I am under no legal obligation to pay your client for the engagement ring you refer to in your
correspondence.

I am extremely concerned that your client has instructed you to enter into correspondence of what I consider to be a threatening and libelous nature. If your client seeks to pursue action against me through the Court, then your client needs to be aware that I would be seeking costs against him.

Yours faithfully,

Toadcatcher

Please don't stress OP. My ex's lawyer sent letters on his behalf with outlandish accusations and demands. My lawyer completely ignored it all and only addressed the actual issues at hand.

Even if it does progress to court - extremely unlikely imo - the judge won't want to hear his ridiculous whining. It's not an episode of Jerry Springer.

There is absolutely nothing to stop a solicitor writing whatever they want regardless if it is true or not. I've been there and it's awful. I learned very quickly that it is utter nonsense.

My advice to you is to respond to the letter with this line...."if your client believes that he has a claim to pursue, I suggest he makes an application to the court". That's it. Just leave it at that. It will cost him for them to deal with it. I wouldn't enter into any further correspondence at all.

In the event you receive a claim, then you can deal with it. I guess you probably won't. It sounds to me as if the long, detailed letter was designed to frighten you into offering a settlement. Don't do this. Just get on with your life. Good luck

Where has he been for the last x amount of years?
Something must have changed in his life for him to suddenly start throwing out letters from solicitors.
Clearly expected you to buckle at some point and it didn't happen.
Sounds like he's got a right bee in his bonnet.
As PP have said don't waste your money on a solicitor, good advise and a template letter from a poster further up.
If anything came of it I'd like to think a judge would look at your Ex's demands as playground banter.

Just an attempt to continue the abuse because you've cut him off - shut it down immediately.

Swizzles letter is a perfect response.

Your solicitor sounds super shady, the way they've handled this.

I wouldn't bother responding but if you want to, and you want to do it with a solicitor, I'd pick another one.

But frankly I wouldn't waste the time required to draft even a one line reply.

I’d be minded to add in to any response an indication that if he did pursue this in court you would counterclaim for unpaid child maintenance and his unpaid share of the household expenses.

I think Pp draft is very good - have made a few suggested builds below. I personally would mention the offer of the 40% for the car to show to a court if you get there that you have been more than reasonable.

Dear Sirs,

Re: Your Client (insert bastards name here)

I thank you for your letter of (insert date here) upon which I have now had the opportunity to seek legal advice.

Your client has never made a loan to me in any amount, and I am under no legal obligation to pay your client for the engagement ring you refer to in your correspondence.

As your client is well aware, I have previously offered to pay him 40% of the current value of the car your letter refers to. He declined this offer thereby confirming that he was gifting me his share of the car.

I am extremely concerned that your client has instructed you to enter into correspondence of what I consider to be a threatening and abusive manner. I am very disappointed to see him containing his campaign of abuse against me and his children despite our separation.

If your client seeks to pursue action against me through ongoing correspondence or formal litigation, then your client needs to be aware that I would be seeking full costs against him. I will also have no option but to take action against him for the child maintenance that I am owed.

Yours faithfully,

Toadcatcher

and start the child maintenance claim today

Thank you all. Another sleepless night over this. Getting the CM that was agreed by him will be difficult. He is self employed and pays himself a minimal salary, taking money as dividends. The CMS only consider the regular salary. is there any way to challenge this? I have an undersigned agreement from him regarding the CM, but he told me this was worthless and not enforceable.

I also have a contract with him covering the car. Should I include this in my response to his solicitor? The DVLA documents are in my name.

I would also write to your current solicitor and tell them you do not wish to proceed with them and instruct them to close the file immediately. I got caught out by a dodgy solicitor who billed me several hundred pounds for doing nothing becsuse I hadnt done this.

endofthelinefinally the solicitor has told me they will not undertake any work until I prepay in full. They have told me this after 3 weeks of asking for more information and sending holding emails. I believe they wanted to ensure that I had no other option other than to go with them due to time for a response running out.

I can’t really afford getting into this again anymore. I had enormous legal bills from the eviction etc family proceedings and the endless letters we had to respond to down to the allocation of each tea towel that he wanted to discuss. I have only just finished paying this off.

You really REALLY don't need a solicitor for this.

You can simply ignore it, you're under no obligation to reply to his bullshit letter.

Or you can reply yourself, using the wording suggested above.

It 100% doesn't need a solicitor especially not one costing £1.5k!!

Ignore ignore ignore.

Or reply with a short but sweet responses (directly- don't pay for it) to advise the solicitors that you do not consider that you owe their client anything and will not be referring further to his spurious claims. No emotion. Make a CMS claim immediately.

If BIG IF he takes you to court he's shown his hand in a four page emotive letter so you're 2 steps ahead.

This is abusive behaviour.

OP, this is what is happening. My exH did this too. You don't have to reply at all, but I would reply directly (you don't need a solicitor to do it) and say you dispute the claims. Apply to the CMS.

When my exH does things like this, my instinct is always to immediately justify, argue, defend or explain (JADE). But ... you don't have to! I've learned not to. He's not your boss, the police or a judge. Just a twat trying to 'get at' you. Deep breaths, ignore the personal insults, channel someone icily calm and professional. It gets easier over time 💐

Probably because they know this has no legs so they won't be able to take their fee from any damages awarded by the court... because there wouldn't be a court case!

The solicitor has also told me this was complicated and involving litigation and family law departments, due to falling into both categories. They have given no indication if any of his claims are justified.

The solicitor wants your money, that's their angle here.

You sound very much lacking in confidence to ignore/stand up to your ex

The letter is bullshit. You can ignore it. If he takes it to court, he will get nowhere, I can almost guarantee it.

OP, close the case with those solicitors, they sound dreadful. You don't have a time limit to reply. It's all on your ex to prove all this crap in court (he won't) you don't have to do anything. Please believe me and all the other posters here. Write a simple reply, yourself and forget about it.

Have you been to Women's Aid/done the Freedom Programme? It's hard to mentally get away from an abuser.

OP. I mean this really gently, as I know you are freaked out by this but... you don't seem to be listening.

You appear to disbelieve ALL the advice given. Please read it back to yourself. You will see that it is COMPLETELY overwhelming. Not a single poster has told you that this letter has any importance at all.

There are plenty of lawyers amongst these responses . Please take the advice you asked for and stop letting him do, EXACTLY what he set out to do by having his lawyers send this awful letter. It is designed to bully, upset and intimate.

You have the power to make this plan fail. There are two choices.

Ignore. It's an appropriate legal response at this point. IT REALLY IS !

OR

Send a letter or email worded as the previous poster suggested. From yourself directly to these solicitors.

Send an immediate email to solicitor quoting £1500. Saying you will not be proceeding.

Put in. CMS claim regardless of Income /dividends. Something is better than nothing.

He got you into debt over legal fees divorcing and he did that deliberately. He is doing the same again.

Say no thanks to the solicitor.

Reply to his solicitor saying you refute the claims.

Worst case scenario you can self rep in court.

It is just bullying.

This is all bullshit. Do not give anyone any money write back and say you refute all claims and will be keeping all correspondence as evidence of ongoing harassment. You really need to start fighting for yourself.

Whos the car registered to?

Hira3 the car is register in my name.