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Original poster

Money claims from ex partner

502 replies

Toadcatcher · 09/08/2022 20:18

After a long relationship and 2 now almost grown up children and many incidents of domestic abuse and violence, the children and I moved out mid last year. We have not heard from him at all and I thought he did not have our address. Three weeks ago a letter from a solicitor, representing my former partner, arrived with demands for money. He claims that I owe him a large sum comprised of individual items, such as an alleged loan (which was a gift 5 years ago and not mentioned since) and payment for my engagement ring and other demands. I can piece evidence together that these demands are unfounded. However, they threaten with litigation.
I tried to get advice from a solicitor who told me that they could help. After almost three weeks during which I received holding messages from the solicitor, they have now told me that we are now in a rush, the deadline for a response is next week and I need to prepay them £1500 for a response letter. I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t have much time left now. Should I pay up or should I represent myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 14/08/2022 23:03

So tonight at 10:00 pm after dark he banged on the front door and pushed letters through the letter box with a force. We were watching TV and hear this loud banging noise. We were terrified! All reported to the police who said I should have called 999.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 14/08/2022 23:04

The letters were demands for more money.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/08/2022 23:11

Time to apply for a non-molestation/restraining order?

Speak to rights of women and see what you need to evidence to get one Flowers

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 14/08/2022 23:16

Yes! To start with we can hopefully get him arrested, as this is harassment and NOT domestic abuse. I was getting really fed up with the police telling me it is domestic abuse. No it isn’t! We don’t live together. He is not my partner. Do they just want an easy life by calling him my partner and referring to domestic abuse? He does not live here. Why can they just say it’s domestic abuse and go to a social worker?

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 14/08/2022 23:16

No I want him arrested for harassment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 14/08/2022 23:21

'The legal definition of harassment is "the act of systematic and/or continued, unwanted and annoying actions of one party or a group including threats or demands".

'It is a specific offence under the Administration of Justice Act 1970 to harass a person with demands for a payment that are calculated to subject that person to alarm, distress or humiliation.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 14/08/2022 23:26

Rights if Women will help you.

Keep everything in writing with the police, you can escalate a complaint if they refuse to act appropriately.

RandomMess · 14/08/2022 23:27

Do you feel at risk of physical harm from him? Either you or the DC?

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 15/08/2022 00:16

He knows where we live. He comes to our door after dark and is banging on it. Of course we are scared. He actually does not even care if he gets caught. He is coming to MY house and banging on the door. If this is not harassment I don’t know what else he can get away with?

OP posts:
Tiani4 · 15/08/2022 03:03

e. I was getting really fed up with the police telling me it is domestic abuse. No it isn’t! We don’t live together.

It IS domestic abuse
DA can be by an ex partner you don't live with it's a pattern of behaviour that can include criminal offences

You want it to be called domestic abuse but you also want police to arrest him for criminal damage to your door if he did damage it, and for harassment if you can show he is not welcome & has been warned.

Police should be referring to to SW as police contact as you have minor child

Get a police crime reference number

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 15/08/2022 07:15

@Tiani4 i have the number and we will go and provide our witness statement today. We know the drill. Done it many times before, but had hoped that after moving and not telling him where we are, we would finally be left in peace. The children have only ever known a life with her father hunting us down and bullying us.

OP posts:
Hopeandlove · 15/08/2022 11:25

Have you got a ring doorbell? Insist he is charged insist that you are frightened and terrified - list previous reports to the police. Say you want to police to protect you. You can file a non mil yourself but if you don’t engage a solicitor that then he must contact you direct so you can respond. Banging on the door - he says knocking. After dark - he was working and it’s cooler.

every argument has a counter argument.

it’s frustrating. Inform
his solicitor of what he has done and how you felt

dear mr x

i have received your letter dated …. On this date ….
a response will be coming within the next 28 days.
however your client banged on the door in the dark last night both terrifying us. Please ask him to refrain from coming to our house. I will communicate with you direct. could you please ask your client to ensure he only communicated through yourselves.

yours sincerely

ms a

less is more don’t give away what you are doing eg report to the police

play the long game

Hopeandlove · 15/08/2022 11:31

You need to stick you how vulnerable you feel and how terrified

you say bullying you he says trying to contact her regarding my money owed. You say banging he says knocking

believe I know my ex turned up at 6 am one morning banging the door

he didn’t bat an eyelid with the police. I knew she leave for work at 7 officer and is up at 5 am but I knocked quietly she came out screaming about she was going to call the police and was going to ‘get me’ I only wanted my suit for work (him with 25 suits already taken) police insisted on coming in and collecting suit and I made to feel like the abuser not him

ask his solicitor to ask him to stay away from the home etc means next time you can show the police a copy of the letter (make sure you scan and email
all letters and send as pdf so it can’t be changed - then you can show the police that he has been informed via his solicitor to not come to your house

RandomMess · 15/08/2022 13:40

The question I asked was to see if he could be a "family annihilator" if this could be a risk then please use that term to the police.

I did not doubt at all that is frightening. Is he getting off on what he is doing or is he unhinged enough to physically harm you or DC regardless of consequences?

Flowers
cupofdecaf · 15/08/2022 14:43

I'd contact the solicitor to confirm they really sent the letter. They will write pretty much whatever their client asks but the character assassination seems to be going a bit far.

Then just write back with I don't owe him anything. He can't hold the car over you forever. He's declined the be bought out his loss.

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 19/08/2022 09:42

We reported his behaviour to the police. This prompted another threatening letter from his solicitor that I am to stop making unfounded allegations and he would take action against me if this continued. He was apparently merely posting letters thorough my letterbox. No point in even responding I suppose.

OP posts:
SquishyGloopyBum · 19/08/2022 10:23

Don't respond. I'd actually inform the police of this letter too. It's harassment.

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 19/08/2022 10:26

That’s a good idea. He is threatening me with consequences if I report his harassment.

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 19/08/2022 10:27

He's absolutely batshit. And my guess is that his solicitors are either just happily taking his money OR genuinely believe his shit. Men like this do have a track record of getting people to believe them. But it's okay - the actual court etc would laugh in his face.

Original poster
Toadcatcher · 19/08/2022 11:26

I know - he is acting perfectly innocent and telling everyone he is actually the victim in all this.

OP posts:
Original poster
Toadcatcher · 19/08/2022 11:28

Is it perfectly normal to go round to your ex family, ‘knock’ on the door and post letters in the middle of the night?

OP posts:
SquishyGloopyBum · 19/08/2022 12:02

You know it's not op.

Report to the police. Keep at it.

accidentalteacher · 19/08/2022 12:51

Hi, new poster here!

I have read this thread with interest, as my son is in a similar position and I am panicking like mad!

His live-in girlfriend has just left him. It is his house, but she put in £46,000 to pay off a small mortgage when she moved in, with the verbal agreement that if they split up, he would return that plus some interest. I told them several times they should sign a Declaration of Trust, but they did not, and there is nothing in writing.

My son is disabled with very limited income. Prior to her moving in, the house was rented out and he lived at home. The arrangement was that she would pay the majority of the bills; she was quite happy with the arrangement. She has not asked for the money back yet knew the score when she moved in. She's a lovely girl and I thought they were solid and have no intention of welching on the deal. I intend to give her £51,000, which is the full extent of our 'spare' money. We still have a big mortgage and other children at home.

I hope she will be reasonable and accept this in full and final settlement. They lived together for less than 3 years. Do you think this is reasonable?

Thanks

Milly0h · 19/08/2022 12:56

Hi accindetalteacher, I suggest starting your own thread as you will receive more responses. But I think that what you are offering is more than fair. She was a bit reckless getting nothing in writing. I assume her name is not on the deeds?

accidentalteacher · 19/08/2022 13:05

No, her name is not on the deeds and there is nothing in writing. As my query is pretty much the same as Toadcatcher's (without the abuse), I was just looking for some independent confirmation that this is a fair offer and that unless she takes him to court, she is best just to accept what is offered. I think she thought it was forever, but Covid lockdown affected her quite badly and his increasing immobility just made it worse.

He is due quite a big op next month, which should substantially improve his mobility, and after a few months recuperation should be able to earn more and generally be a bit more fun.

I think that any court would view any demand for any more, given that he was disabled when she met him, he has deteriorated over the last couple of years and is about to have a serious operation as quite unreasonable.

Just seeking confirmation from anyone who knows that this is likely to be the case.

Thanks

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