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Legal matters

partner has our child and is refusing to return to the UK

201 replies

davejohns · 18/06/2022 22:52

So we went for a holiday to her home country in the EU, and I had to return a week early for work reasons. On the eve that she and our child was suppose to fly back, she said didn't want to come back. I'm trying to keep things amicable at the moment and intend to fly back out there and resolve things, and is it stands we are not separated, but if that falls apart legally is that still abduction if I do not consent to our child not returning?

This is a very stressful time for me. Thanks for reading

OP posts:
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SapereAude · 20/06/2022 06:46

lollipoprainbow · 20/06/2022 06:41

@mathanxiety what's your point ???

The point is that the mother can miss her mam's cooking and the weather back home all she wants.
That doesn't mean she gets away with abducting her own child.

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oviraptor21 · 20/06/2022 08:17

I hope you get the reassurance and the help that you need today OP.

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Dozycuntlaters · 20/06/2022 09:26

Good luck today OP, I really hope you get some resolution to this and find a way forward for you all.

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vivainsomnia · 20/06/2022 10:08

OP, get in the first flight there. Go in and ask your oh to return to the UK. If she absolutely refuse, tell her that she's legally kidnapped the child and you are here to bring her back. Leave her with all the information that confirms it. Stay calm at all time, do not engaged in emotional conversation at this point and record it all.

If she absolutely refuse to come back or hand over the child, leave calmly but I form her that you will be approaching the courts and filing for kidnapping. Tell her that she has 5 days to bring the child back to England. Let her know the possible consequences of taking it to court.

Come home, see a solicitor, apply to court. Email her to summarising everything.

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SaintJavelin · 20/06/2022 12:40

Some of the posts in this thread are appalling.

Best of luck OP.

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PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 20/06/2022 15:15

SaintJavelin · 20/06/2022 12:40

Some of the posts in this thread are appalling.

Best of luck OP.

They really are.

OP I hope you get some answers today

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MichelleScarn · 20/06/2022 16:47

Best of luck @davejohns hope you've has some resolve today.

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Feelingoktoday · 20/06/2022 18:32

hi OP I hope you saw a solicitor today.

To those posters basically questioning whether a man can look after a child - wake up. More and more men are getting 50:50 access now; WFH has changed the dynamics, add flexi time being offered by lots of employers, more men, who couldn’t in the past, can now be fully involved in childcare. So don’t assume that women can do as they want ie take a child away from its father.

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BarryStir · 20/06/2022 23:59

Numerous posters here illustrating why it’s unwise to ask for advice on the internet, even in the “Legal Advice” section.

I hope you were able to see a solicitor, OP.

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mathanxiety · 21/06/2022 03:53

The point that some are interested in is that there may be more going on than meets the eye here.

A woman experiences 'normal stress associated with having a baby in a foreign country', according to someone who has never had a baby himself, let alone in a foreign country. The normal stress is actually so stressful that when she gets a chance she decides to chuck her life in the UK and stay in her native Poland. The relationship is effectively over if the OP decides that living in the UK is more important to him. The relationship couldn't have been a source of happiness for her if she was willing to risk it by insisting on staying in Poland.

The relationship has been 'strained' with the pressure of her homesickness. But apparently the true extent of her desire to leave the UK has come out of the blue. And anyway, the homesickness is just normal and natural given that the woman has had a baby in a foreign country...

I want to know what a 'strained' relationship looks like to the OP.

Maybe he needs to ask himself why living in the UK is important to him, and to compare and contrast his life in the UK with the life he would have if he loved this woman enough to go and live with her in Poland. Maybe this exercise would give him some insight into the 'normal' stresses he expects his girlfriend to put up with.

The OP has been economical with his statements about the relationship, and has imo minimised what was happening in his former partner's life to cause her to take this drastic step.

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PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 21/06/2022 04:51

The OP has been economical with his statements about the relationship, and has imo minimised what was happening in his former partner's life to cause her to take this drastic step.

Know the OP do you?

Looking forward to seeing you on a thread where a father abducts a child, or is threatening to, to a different country and implying it's ok because they are homesick.

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GetThatHelmetOn · 21/06/2022 05:16

Op, get out of this thread and contact Reunite International. There is a huge difference between what people think is fair and expect to happen to how things work legally on these circumstances.

You are protected by The Hague Convention if there is a court order or court process in place about the kid, this is not the case here so you are in a very weak position. Your only friend here is speed. The longer your child stay abroad with the other parent, the more likely it is that courts rule in the favour of the children staying abroad if they see them as “settled” over there.

We all have heard cases were a parent goes to jail for taking the children abroad and keeping them there but the sad reality is that most don’t. So again, leave this thread and ring Reunite International.

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lollipoprainbow · 21/06/2022 05:41

This reply has been deleted

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lollipoprainbow · 21/06/2022 05:42

I mean the OP's partner.

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PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 21/06/2022 05:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I'm certainly not. Just don't like double standards

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PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 21/06/2022 05:45

lollipoprainbow · 21/06/2022 05:42

I mean the OP's partner.

No I'm not. 🤣 Grow up

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mathanxiety · 21/06/2022 05:47

Fathers tend not to use homesickness as a reason to take a child from a mother and abscond. I'm happy to wait for one to turn up, but I won't be holding my breath while I wait. And relationships tend to have irrevocably broken down by the time the child is taken.

I've had a baby in a foreign country and I know others who have done the same. A relationship would have to be pretty rocky to take the drastic step this woman has taken. I suggest that if she had any hope for the relationship at all she would have stayed. I think she is now digging in in Poland because she couldn't bear the thought of being stuck in the UK with a 50-50 custody or EOW visitation schedule binding her in the UK for as long as it would take for the child to express a preference as to which parent he lived with.

The OP says that his partner (he never took the step of getting married and giving her the protection marriage offers women in the UK) suffered normal stresses associated with having a baby in a foreign country, something he knows absolutely nothing about. He is not in a position to say what is normal and what is not normal to feel after having a baby in a foreign country. He hasn't elaborated on what he means by a 'strained' relationship.

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lollipoprainbow · 21/06/2022 05:47

@PaddingtonBearStareAgain I meant @mathanxiety not you !!

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SapereAude · 21/06/2022 06:12

@mathanxiety I've known you a lot of years, at least ten, probably nearer fifteen, under various usernames (Me) and always rubbed along great.
This is the first time I've been disgusted by what you are saying.

You are, for some reason, adding inference to everything the OP has said, or hasn't said.

We know nothing about this man, true.
You know nothing about the woman either.

All any of us know, at face value (words on a page innit) is that the mother of his child WILL have abducted the child if she doesn't return.

Which is why he, (as any parent facing the same thing) is being advised to take correct legal advice.

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PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 21/06/2022 06:19

SapereAude · 21/06/2022 06:12

@mathanxiety I've known you a lot of years, at least ten, probably nearer fifteen, under various usernames (Me) and always rubbed along great.
This is the first time I've been disgusted by what you are saying.

You are, for some reason, adding inference to everything the OP has said, or hasn't said.

We know nothing about this man, true.
You know nothing about the woman either.

All any of us know, at face value (words on a page innit) is that the mother of his child WILL have abducted the child if she doesn't return.

Which is why he, (as any parent facing the same thing) is being advised to take correct legal advice.

Completely agree with this.

I had a child in a foreign country btw, @mathanxiety including a very long hospital stay and nearly dying.

It seems you think all women are angels and men are always wrong. You think women are ok to do this but way behold a man that does. Neither circumstance is ok.

You couldn't be further from the truth.

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vivainsomnia · 21/06/2022 09:50

The point that some are interested in is that there may be more going on than meets the eye here
That's the case for just about every thread in MN. Yet most OP are taken at face value...unless they happen to be a man. Then suddenly, everything they say is questioned so that ultimately, somehow, it is alleged that he has caused the issue and the victim is the women.

Threads after threads about misogyny in our world, yet this site shows as much misandry as it gets and that thread is pure evidence of it. Posters who would dare suggest that the man might have a good reason for kidnapping their child if it the OP was the woman would get ripped to pieces and accused of victim blaming.

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MichelleScarn · 21/06/2022 10:43

Completely agree with the above posters re the misandry here.
The OP says that his partner (he never took the step of getting married and giving her the protection marriage offers women in the UK)

Whys the not getting married purely on him? Maybe she didn't want to get married?

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mathanxiety · 23/06/2022 05:42

It seems you think all women are angels and men are always wrong. You think women are ok to do this but way behold a man that does. Neither circumstance is ok.

I had a neighbour who insisted on dragging her H and children to Australia, then dumped them and ran off with some tanned beach bum. The H was stranded in Aus with no hope of getting home and had to build a life for himself and the children with no family or old friends around to support. I absolutely believe that everyone is capable of evil - selfishness, callousness, self absorption, and everything else that goes into creating hell on earth for a spouse or partner.

But to believe the OP is to believe that just because of some 'normal' stress, and a 'strain' in the relationship due to her homesickness, a woman has taken the risk of ending the relationship and potentially having to hand over her child to a person she is at best ambivalent about. How did he deal with her when she talked about being homesick? What sort of support did he offer to her in dealing with the baby? What sort of support did she get from her family in Poland - were they welcomed by him if they visited to help out? If they visited, was he resentful of long term visitors/ impatient with people speaking Polish?

Why is she taking this huge risk?

It seems questioning a man about the factors that led his partner to decide the relationship wasn't worth staying in the UK for is really unacceptable to a few of you, but I think you need to look up the meaning of the word misandry.

I don't believe in jumping to conclusions. I've asked a lot of questions here, and so far I'm not sure the answers were complete.

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MichelleScarn · 23/06/2022 06:21

@mathanxiety

^misandry

/mɪˈsandri/

noun

dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men (i.e. the male sex).^
So I feel my use of it re your comment
The OP says that his partner (he never took the step of getting married and giving her the protection marriage offers women in the UK
Is correct. Saying that it's on him for not taking the step to get married is misandry as it buys into the prejudice that its on the male to decide the couple is to marry.

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PAFMO · 23/06/2022 06:27

mathanxiety · 23/06/2022 05:42

It seems you think all women are angels and men are always wrong. You think women are ok to do this but way behold a man that does. Neither circumstance is ok.

I had a neighbour who insisted on dragging her H and children to Australia, then dumped them and ran off with some tanned beach bum. The H was stranded in Aus with no hope of getting home and had to build a life for himself and the children with no family or old friends around to support. I absolutely believe that everyone is capable of evil - selfishness, callousness, self absorption, and everything else that goes into creating hell on earth for a spouse or partner.

But to believe the OP is to believe that just because of some 'normal' stress, and a 'strain' in the relationship due to her homesickness, a woman has taken the risk of ending the relationship and potentially having to hand over her child to a person she is at best ambivalent about. How did he deal with her when she talked about being homesick? What sort of support did he offer to her in dealing with the baby? What sort of support did she get from her family in Poland - were they welcomed by him if they visited to help out? If they visited, was he resentful of long term visitors/ impatient with people speaking Polish?

Why is she taking this huge risk?

It seems questioning a man about the factors that led his partner to decide the relationship wasn't worth staying in the UK for is really unacceptable to a few of you, but I think you need to look up the meaning of the word misandry.

I don't believe in jumping to conclusions. I've asked a lot of questions here, and so far I'm not sure the answers were complete.

The questions posed by the OP are in Legal Matters.

Your responses, and questioning of the OP as to the whys and wherefores, are, at best irrelevant, and at worst, offensive.

Do you ask the women whose husbands abduct their children the same questions? Do you ask the women posting in relationships what they did to make their husband's dicks fall into other women?

If not, why not?

Because victim blaming seems to be your thing.

As I said earlier, known you a long time. Seen a new and deeply unpleasant you on this thread.

Apologies for derail.

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