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Original poster

partner has our child and is refusing to return to the UK

201 replies

davejohns · 18/06/2022 22:52

So we went for a holiday to her home country in the EU, and I had to return a week early for work reasons. On the eve that she and our child was suppose to fly back, she said didn't want to come back. I'm trying to keep things amicable at the moment and intend to fly back out there and resolve things, and is it stands we are not separated, but if that falls apart legally is that still abduction if I do not consent to our child not returning?

This is a very stressful time for me. Thanks for reading

OP posts:
CaptSkippy · 19/06/2022 11:07

OP, if the children were born and living in the UK, it might be abduction.Were you the main caretake? or was she?

If you pursue this via the courts there is a chance you might end up with sole custody and her being out of the picture altogether. Which mean you will have to do all the childcare by yourself. Are you prepared for that? You may have to make some adjustments in your life if you were not the sole caretaker before. You won't be able to rely on her anymore.

liveforsummer · 19/06/2022 11:26

It doesn't sound like the OP has any intend to on of pursuing full custody and even if he got it he could still give the child's mother any access he wished. The only potential for this happening would be if the dc was ordered to remain in the UK and partner decided to return to Poland alone out of choice.

Feelingoktoday · 19/06/2022 11:36

CaptSkippy · 19/06/2022 11:07

OP, if the children were born and living in the UK, it might be abduction.Were you the main caretake? or was she?

If you pursue this via the courts there is a chance you might end up with sole custody and her being out of the picture altogether. Which mean you will have to do all the childcare by yourself. Are you prepared for that? You may have to make some adjustments in your life if you were not the sole caretaker before. You won't be able to rely on her anymore.

Would you ask a woman this if she had just posted to say her partner refuses to return to the U.K. with their children.

men can look after kids, yes full time too. Just like woman can work full time and still look after kids.

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 19/06/2022 11:38

CaptSkippy · 19/06/2022 11:07

OP, if the children were born and living in the UK, it might be abduction.Were you the main caretake? or was she?

If you pursue this via the courts there is a chance you might end up with sole custody and her being out of the picture altogether. Which mean you will have to do all the childcare by yourself. Are you prepared for that? You may have to make some adjustments in your life if you were not the sole caretaker before. You won't be able to rely on her anymore.

Have I woke up in the 1920s?

Funnily enough men are more than capable of looking after their DC.

I seriously bet if the roles were reversed you wouldn't come out with such archaic rubbish.

lollipoprainbow · 19/06/2022 11:42

*OP, if the children were born and living in the UK, it might be abduction.Were you the main caretake? or was she?

If you pursue this via the courts there is a chance you might end up with sole custody and her being out of the picture altogether. Which mean you will have to do all the childcare by yourself. Are you prepared for that? You may have to make some adjustments in your life if you were not the sole caretaker before. You won't be able to rely on her anymore.*

What makes you think the op relied on the mother for childcare ? Maybe he already did all the childcare !!

Mariposista · 19/06/2022 11:46

OP please get a solicitor onto this as soon as you can. This excuse of a woman cannot be allowed to get away with this. I can’t imagine what you are going through.

CaptSkippy · 19/06/2022 12:01

@PaddingtonBearStareAgain & @Feelingoktoday

Women get asked these questions on this board all the time, because it is the reality of things. Often even while she is still pregnant. Things aren't working out with the partner and she is told that she might have to go it alone.

What exactly is 1920s about that? Just because someone is capable of looking after children, doesn't mean they will.

KnitOnePearlOneDropOne · 19/06/2022 12:07

CaptSkippy · 19/06/2022 12:01

@PaddingtonBearStareAgain & @Feelingoktoday

Women get asked these questions on this board all the time, because it is the reality of things. Often even while she is still pregnant. Things aren't working out with the partner and she is told that she might have to go it alone.

What exactly is 1920s about that? Just because someone is capable of looking after children, doesn't mean they will.

The child has been abducted to a different country. The parents aren't "just' splitting up.

What she has done is completely wrong.

CaptSkippy · 19/06/2022 12:19

KnitOnePearlOneDropOne · 19/06/2022 12:07

The child has been abducted to a different country. The parents aren't "just' splitting up.

What she has done is completely wrong.

Show quote history

Which is why I said there is a chance he might have to go it alone, as I have said to many women before.

MumbleAlwaysMumble · 19/06/2022 12:36

davejohns · 19/06/2022 06:35

just the normal stresses of having a baby and her homesickness. and yes i'm on the birth certificate. I state that already.

You need to talk to her and see what is going on

You didn’t seem to have any issue before hand but she had told you she was struggling. Is it possible that you didn’t really hear her and how much she was struggling? Any issue with PND and depression etc…?

Im very much getting the feeling that the issue isn’t you as a couple if she is happy for you to be with her there. But a real issue about living in the U.K. (many possible reasons there btw). But I suspect that, at least for now, a non confrontational approach will help (doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get legal advice though).

Tbf, living in a country that isn’t yours and being stuck there because you have a child is crap. Really really crap. And so is the possibility of not seeing the child very often because one parent has decided to go back home for their own MH.

Namechangefrustration · 19/06/2022 13:05

She wants to live with her other family in another country. So why dont you want to let her? I get youll miss her but thats not a good enough reason

lollipoprainbow · 19/06/2022 13:07

@Namechangefrustration seriously ???

liveforsummer · 19/06/2022 13:08

Missing your child is not a good enough reason to not want them to be living 1.5 thousand miles away? In whos world. Would you be ok with your young dc suddenly moving to Poland?

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 19/06/2022 13:08

Namechangefrustration · 19/06/2022 13:05

She wants to live with her other family in another country. So why dont you want to let her? I get youll miss her but thats not a good enough reason

Just wow.

So dads that abduct their DC are good to go 'because they want to live in another country" and the mothers should just deal with it.

The partner can go. She doesn’t get to abduct the child.

SapereAude · 19/06/2022 13:09

MumbleAlwaysMumble · 19/06/2022 12:36

You need to talk to her and see what is going on

You didn’t seem to have any issue before hand but she had told you she was struggling. Is it possible that you didn’t really hear her and how much she was struggling? Any issue with PND and depression etc…?

Im very much getting the feeling that the issue isn’t you as a couple if she is happy for you to be with her there. But a real issue about living in the U.K. (many possible reasons there btw). But I suspect that, at least for now, a non confrontational approach will help (doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get legal advice though).

Tbf, living in a country that isn’t yours and being stuck there because you have a child is crap. Really really crap. And so is the possibility of not seeing the child very often because one parent has decided to go back home for their own MH.

Show quote history

None of which is relevant to the fact that the Op's child, as the law stands, has been abducted by the mother.

The whys and wherefores of the break up of a relationship are for another thread and another time.

A counsellor will tell the OP to work through why the relationship broke down.
A solicitor will tell him what to do to get an illegal act taken to the courts. Right now, the OP needs the second one.

Namechangefrustration · 19/06/2022 13:15

@lollipoprainbow @PaddingtonBearStareAgain I get were over the internet but be adult, be respectful. None of this insolence. You question the mother and child's reasoning without knowing the backstory and what's more, question my intentions. Doesn't it make you wonder though, why the child would want to move so far away from the father, and the reasonings behind those decisions. I made my comment in the best interest of the child's wellbeing.

CallOnMe · 19/06/2022 13:15

She wants to live with her other family in another country. So why dont you want to let her? I get youll miss her but thats not a good enough reason

Thats fine but she’s taken their son.
If she wants to move countries then that’s her choice but she doesn’t get to take their child with her.

Spohn · 19/06/2022 13:18

What did you mean by ‘we haven’t separated yet’? You’re both legally single.

EveryName · 19/06/2022 13:18

Wow, some of the comments on this thread are unbelievable. Why the assumption that the 'man' is always bad.

OP, I'd speak to professionals who work in this area before doing anything.

Have you got anything in writing from her that might be useful?

Feelingoktoday · 19/06/2022 13:20

Namechangefrustration · 19/06/2022 13:15

@lollipoprainbow @PaddingtonBearStareAgain I get were over the internet but be adult, be respectful. None of this insolence. You question the mother and child's reasoning without knowing the backstory and what's more, question my intentions. Doesn't it make you wonder though, why the child would want to move so far away from the father, and the reasonings behind those decisions. I made my comment in the best interest of the child's wellbeing.

Child is 2. No such decision has been made.

Simonjt · 19/06/2022 13:21

Namechangefrustration · 19/06/2022 13:05

She wants to live with her other family in another country. So why dont you want to let her? I get youll miss her but thats not a good enough reason

If she wants to move that is fine, but she needs to move without the child.

SapereAude · 19/06/2022 13:21

Namechangefrustration · 19/06/2022 13:15

@lollipoprainbow @PaddingtonBearStareAgain I get were over the internet but be adult, be respectful. None of this insolence. You question the mother and child's reasoning without knowing the backstory and what's more, question my intentions. Doesn't it make you wonder though, why the child would want to move so far away from the father, and the reasonings behind those decisions. I made my comment in the best interest of the child's wellbeing.

The child is 2, so probably hasn't given much thought to it.

Spohn · 19/06/2022 13:21

Your ex girlfriend is behaving dreadfully, hope you get legal advice first thing on Monday.

liveforsummer · 19/06/2022 13:22

Namechangefrustration · 19/06/2022 13:15

@lollipoprainbow @PaddingtonBearStareAgain I get were over the internet but be adult, be respectful. None of this insolence. You question the mother and child's reasoning without knowing the backstory and what's more, question my intentions. Doesn't it make you wonder though, why the child would want to move so far away from the father, and the reasonings behind those decisions. I made my comment in the best interest of the child's wellbeing.

The child is 2 it's the mum who wants to stay not there child who is too young to have any concept or understanding of what they want. Where did you get the impression this was a 2 year old child's decision?

liveforsummer · 19/06/2022 13:23

Spohn · 19/06/2022 13:18

What did you mean by ‘we haven’t separated yet’? You’re both legally single.

It means that she hasn't ended the relationship. She's happy for them to be together in Poland