My neighbour made a referral to social services

[leighleigh96]

Hi
I am currently crippling with anxiety
On Sunday eve 3/4/22 I had a spat over text message with a friend I fell out with before Christmas
She then proceeded to drink drive to my house around 10pm both kids were asleep in bed and tried to attach me right in my porch I mean trying to rip my hair from my scalp type on attack. She had two bags of Christmas gifts with her for my children as I haven't seen her since Christmas due to us falling out. She started screaming some quite serious false accusations about my parenting saying I have been snorting cocaine in my childrens home which is absolutely not true
I also had ADHD which I am medicated for and I smoke half a j of cannabis around 9.30/10pm when kids asleep and all house work is complete to ensure I get sleep this night I also suffer quite bad insomnia
This attracted the attention of my next door neighbour who came outside after hearing her accusations
In the midst of all the screaming and shouting she was doing I kicked the two bags across my driveway and called her a cheeky b for coming with presents but threatening to tear my family apart and told her if she did not leave that instant then I would make her. She continued to shout and my emotions got the better of me. I ended up walloping her around her smug head. I then had a small rant to present neighbour before going on to bed.
On Monday 4/4/22 same neighbour came round to let me know she works with childrens social care and had no choice but to make a referral due to her accusations and my violence, however at this point she was unaware that she drove to my house under the influence of alcohol and attacked me first
This happened Monday it's now Thursday and I haven't heard anything when at this point I just want it over with
As stated she said I have taken cocaine which I have absolutely not done, however I do smoke cannabis in evenings and a very small amount
Are social services going to take my children due to me lashing out at my old friend? Are they going to drugs test me? Are they even coming at all? Are they going to phone? Write to me?
I don't know it's been two days and I'm nothing but scared. I don't know what to do my kids are happy and so well looked after. Me and dad aren't together but are extremely amicable he is a great dad and knows the situation. He says I need to pick better friends in which case I completely agree
But this has now happened and I've been crying for 2.5 days non stop. I feel completely deflated and don't know what to do with myself. As this was my neighbour I feel like I can't even raise my voice slightly to my children in fear she is listening even when they are playing up
Any advice would be so much appreciated I don't know what's going to happen next and the uncertainty is absolutely killing me
Any advice ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

@WindowsSmindows

DO A PARENTING COURSE

I don't know why this hasn't been repeated, do people not know how good they can be?
Not everyone is the parent they want to be so up skilling is nothing to be ashamed of.

I assume people are unwilling to recommend something they have no experience of. No I don’t know how good they can be, as I have no experience of them. Glad to hear they’re useful though.

@Katypyee

Jeez, the pearl clutching at half a joint a night is laughable. You would not be saying the same if it was a glass of wine every night! It is cannabis for god' sake, not crack cocaine!

A drug addiction?! As if! Get over yourselves.

Cannabis is a drug. Smoking it every day is an addiction - therefore a drug addiction. Just because you don't 'see' it as a drug, doesn't mean it isn't one....

If people said they had to drink wine every night to be able to sleep, people would be suggesting that they were dependent on alcohol.

The comparison with alcohol is a false one. Cannabis is illegal, and the only way to get it is through a drug dealer. OP therefore must associate with criminals regularly. Added to which, she is violent. No SS probably won't even consider removing her children but to say that smoking drugs every night is fine and the same as a glass of wine just isn't true.

Drugs and violence not acceptable.

@ColdSeptember

The comparison with alcohol is a false one. Cannabis is illegal, and the only way to get it is through a drug dealer. OP therefore must associate with criminals regularly. Added to which, she is violent. No SS probably won't even consider removing her children but to say that smoking drugs every night is fine and the same as a glass of wine just isn't true.

Exactly this. Whether people agree with it or not, cannabis is currently illegal. Of course using illegal substances is looked on with less favour than a legal one

@gettingolderandgrumpy
speak to the neighbour I find it odd that she’d report over one incident“

It’s her job.

Hope this helps to point you to the help you need. Your reaction was as abnormal as your friend’s actions.

@gettingolderandgrumpy

Got gods sake nothing is going to happen seriously some comments on here . Op you aren’t going to get your children taken off you because some drunk woman accuses you . You smoke a bit of cannabis big deal , speak to the neighbour I find it odd that she’d report over one incident if that’s all it is you have nothing to worry about .

I'm glad someone has wrote this. If I was OP I would delete this thread.

What OP did was not great she should not of opened the door granted. However if it was so bad the neighbour would of phoned the police.... lots of people have disputes between partners .... if it was so severe the neighbours first point of call would have been the police to break it up between OP and the friend.

I can't really see what SS are going to do tbh... unless the neighbour has further concerns about you mistreating your kids I doubt much will come of it.

They're going to need to do an assessment - contact school etc to get a general picture of how the kids are cared for. You need to accept that, engage, listen to what they say and show willingness.

There are things you could do that would make your situation look much better - contacting the GP to discuss the insomnia and legal alternatives to sort that out would be a big one.

Ditching this on-off friend and going completely no-contact with her is another absolute big one - and ringing the police if she comes around kicking off again. It might be worth, when SS do contact you, asking politely if they can just let the local community police know about the situation in case she shows up again just so they have the history known to them. Again - you're pre-empting the concerns and showing that you know you've fucked up a bit and trying to change things.

I've worked with people who've had previous children removed and are now bringing up subsequent children happily, discharged from SS involvement, having engaged and got support from anywhere they can - wanting to BE helped is a huge huge factor in them succeeding in this.

@ReadyToMoveIt

If people said they had to drink wine every night to be able to sleep, people would be suggesting that they were dependent on alcohol.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 is this serious? plenty of people in UK drink wine every night.

I hardly ever drink at home BTW but I think it's the norm in UK tbh.

I know plenty do . My point is that on a MN thread, if someone said that they needed to drink wine every night to be able to sleep, it would be suggested that they were dependent on alcohol. It’s the ‘need’ part of it.

@Electricmouse did I say she had to drive her kids to A&E? I just said what if one has to go.

Personally, I just don't like drinking any amount or smoking any amount when you're alone with young kids. As I said, I don't disagree with smoking it and it's ridiculous saying she's addicted because she has half a joint and needs help etc. I just personally don't like it when alone with kids as you never know when you'll need to take them somewhere (whether that's by taxi, bus, ambulance or whatever)

This isn’t actually funny. Kids seeing violence or hearing it fucks them up. Accept help op

@ReadyToMoveIt

I know plenty do . My point is that on a MN thread, if someone said that they needed to drink wine every night to be able to sleep, it would be suggested that they were dependent on alcohol. It’s the ‘need’ part of it.

Okay. Drinking wine every night makes you dependant it's the EVERY night!

I was going to make my point again in a way you might understand but can’t be arsed.

The threat about social services sounds like an idle one. She probably just wanted to scare you. If she was really going to do it, it's unlikely she would advertise the fact. These things are usually anonymous. I can't get worked up about half a joint either, and nor will SS I suspect. If you had said you like to unwind with a large glass of Merlot of an evening nobody would bat an eyelid. Although this is MN so there are some strange attitudes on here.

The worrying thing is the brawling in the street. Your friend sounds rough as a badger's arse so I would keep clear. And your children should not be subjected to that.

The altercation outside and you being unable to safeguard yourself (you should have removed yourself from your friend) is going to count against you- attacking your friend back was not a good move and actually it was probably unwise to even open the door to her.

If they do ask for a drugs test then there is no reason not to do it unless the accusations of cocaine hold some truth. Yes they will find cannabis but they will also be able to assess from a hair strand test how often/much is being used which if you are only smoking a very small amount daily will only confirm what you are saying.

Cannabis is probably not the answer to your insomnia and I would advise speaking to your doctor to get other forms of help for that.

Ultimately - so long as your kids are well cared for and looked after no social services will not take them from you however if they have concerns they will work with you to address these and enable you to become the best parent you can be.