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Original poster

My neighbour made a referral to social services

67 replies

leighleigh96 · 06/04/2022 20:54

Hi
I am currently crippling with anxiety
On Sunday eve 3/4/22 I had a spat over text message with a friend I fell out with before Christmas
She then proceeded to drink drive to my house around 10pm both kids were asleep in bed and tried to attach me right in my porch I mean trying to rip my hair from my scalp type on attack. She had two bags of Christmas gifts with her for my children as I haven't seen her since Christmas due to us falling out. She started screaming some quite serious false accusations about my parenting saying I have been snorting cocaine in my childrens home which is absolutely not true
I also had ADHD which I am medicated for and I smoke half a j of cannabis around 9.30/10pm when kids asleep and all house work is complete to ensure I get sleep this night I also suffer quite bad insomnia
This attracted the attention of my next door neighbour who came outside after hearing her accusations
In the midst of all the screaming and shouting she was doing I kicked the two bags across my driveway and called her a cheeky b for coming with presents but threatening to tear my family apart and told her if she did not leave that instant then I would make her. She continued to shout and my emotions got the better of me. I ended up walloping her around her smug head. I then had a small rant to present neighbour before going on to bed.
On Monday 4/4/22 same neighbour came round to let me know she works with childrens social care and had no choice but to make a referral due to her accusations and my violence, however at this point she was unaware that she drove to my house under the influence of alcohol and attacked me first
This happened Monday it's now Thursday and I haven't heard anything when at this point I just want it over with
As stated she said I have taken cocaine which I have absolutely not done, however I do smoke cannabis in evenings and a very small amount
Are social services going to take my children due to me lashing out at my old friend? Are they going to drugs test me? Are they even coming at all? Are they going to phone? Write to me?
I don't know it's been two days and I'm nothing but scared. I don't know what to do my kids are happy and so well looked after. Me and dad aren't together but are extremely amicable he is a great dad and knows the situation. He says I need to pick better friends in which case I completely agree
But this has now happened and I've been crying for 2.5 days non stop. I feel completely deflated and don't know what to do with myself. As this was my neighbour I feel like I can't even raise my voice slightly to my children in fear she is listening even when they are playing up
Any advice would be so much appreciated I don't know what's going to happen next and the uncertainty is absolutely killing me
Any advice ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 06/04/2022 22:59

To those saying that she needs to control her habit, for god's sake she is having half a j to help her sleep and not baking hash cookies and eating them all.

Posters have said it's not good for people with ADHD.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 06/04/2022 22:59

Got gods sake nothing is going to happen seriously some comments on here .
Op you aren’t going to get your children taken off you because some drunk woman accuses you . You smoke a bit of cannabis big deal , speak to the neighbour I find it odd that she’d report over one incident if that’s all it is you have nothing to worry about .

HomeHomeInTheRange · 06/04/2022 23:07

@gettingolderandgrumpy
speak to the neighbour I find it odd that she’d report over one incident

She works in Children’s Care. She has no choice. She has to report anything that could be a safeguarding issue. She saw the OP threaten the woman and then punch her in the head, and not in self defence at that point.

But I agree, it won’t lead to the kids being removed.

BOOTS52 · 06/04/2022 23:26

So poster here are all medically trained. She is only having half a j to help her sleep. I also said to her to talk to her doctor as he may have alternatives for her medication for her and would help to talk to him if she is feeling very stressed.

TabithaTittlemouse · 06/04/2022 23:30

Hopefully this is the wake up call that you need to sort yourself out.

Lou98 · 06/04/2022 23:37

I agree with others. If I was the neighbour and I knew there was kids in the house, I would have phoned the police when I heard what was going on outside.

I don't know much about what SS would do but I agree that nothing about the situation sounds healthy for your kids. If your neighbour heard what was going on, I'd find it unlikely your kids didn't wake up and hear. I would be around that with my Dad when I was a child and I hated it - I was scared in my own home whenever I heard him arguing with someone. It will affect them more than you realise.

I'm not against people smoking weed, however, it sounds like it's just you and two young kids in the house - I do think it's irresponsible to be smoking it every night. You may see it as harmless because they're asleep for the night but what if one of them wakes with an emergency and you need to take them to A&E or similar?

It's a good thing you and your ex are amicable and he's aware of the situation because it's something that could be used against you if you weren't

Hertsgirl10 · 06/04/2022 23:41

@gettingolderandgrumpy

Got gods sake nothing is going to happen seriously some comments on here . Op you aren’t going to get your children taken off you because some drunk woman accuses you . You smoke a bit of cannabis big deal , speak to the neighbour I find it odd that she’d report over one incident if that’s all it is you have nothing to worry about .
@gettingolderandgrumpy

I agree.

Some hysterical responses here tbh… she’s not banging up and doing lines all over the place.
I think it shows that a lot of people have no idea how social services works or how differently people live.

Have seen actual smack heads still have their kids in their custody and being supported by social services.

It’s opinions like this that has people like the OP terrified of the social services, they’re not there to take kids aways they’re there to help and support families, obviously for the children’s best interest and safety, but come on her kids won’t be taken away for this.

Yes it could have been dealt with better but has everyone’s thought process been so logical in times of stress like this?

WithANameLikeDaniCalifornia · 06/04/2022 23:49

Engage with social services. They're not coming to snatch your children away in the middle of the night.
Try therapy instead of drugs.

MissMaple82 · 06/04/2022 23:58

Relax, social services will not take your children away. They will just do the usual checks on you and children and direct you on to any help you may need.

LetHimHaveIt · 07/04/2022 00:02

I'm not sure anyone has told OP that SS are going to take her kids away.

What the more sensible ones have done, is caution her not to get fixated on the wrong thing. They're much more likely to be concerned by the OP scrapping with a former friend and then spending - by her own admission, and presumably with her kids present - 2.5 days 'crying non-stop', than by the nightly 'j' 🙄

It about building a picture of the OP as a mother. Low-level drug use is one piece. Crying in front of her kids is another. Having a bitch fight with an ex-friend is another still. It's obviously better to have as few of these parts as possible, let's put it that way.

felulageller · 07/04/2022 00:20

No they wont take your dcs for this.

But you do have a drug addiction that is doing you and your DC's harm. Please engage with addiction services and quit.

Gooseberrypies · 07/04/2022 00:24

@SoupDragon

To those saying that she needs to control her habit, for god's sake she is having half a j to help her sleep and not baking hash cookies and eating them all.

Posters have said it's not good for people with ADHD.

Posters can say unicorns exist but it doesn’t make them right.
Saltyquiche · 07/04/2022 00:26

You’d be better getting some melatonin from the USA rather then smoking cannabis

backtobusy · 07/04/2022 00:29

Melatonin might be a more sensible option to help OP sleep.
Brawling in your garden with an ex-friend won't get your dc taken off you. Neither will cannabis use. The thresholds are much higher.
But honestly none of this is going to be good for your dc.
Maybe make different choices moving forward.

Ponderingwindow · 07/04/2022 00:38

Your neighbor was actually trying to do you a favor. She probably should have called the police. That would have also triggered a report to social services, but at minimum your children’s night would have been further disrupted and you might have been arrested. This way you are only dealing with a potential social services investigation.

SpringsSprung · 07/04/2022 00:38

This doesn't look good at all, OP. I'm sorry but you asked and that's my opinion......

HeddaGarbled · 07/04/2022 00:42

Why’s everyone going on about the cannabis and not about the fact the OP hit a woman’s head? That’s what the neighbour reported her for.

Clymene · 07/04/2022 00:46

@felulageller

No they wont take your dcs for this.

But you do have a drug addiction that is doing you and your DC's harm. Please engage with addiction services and quit.

Oh do give over. Hmm
Katypyee · 07/04/2022 01:02

Jeez, the pearl clutching at half a joint a night is laughable. You would not be saying the same if it was a glass of wine every night! It is cannabis for god' sake, not crack cocaine!

A drug addiction?! As if! Get over yourselves.

Electricmouse · 07/04/2022 01:22

@Lou98

I agree with others. If I was the neighbour and I knew there was kids in the house, I would have phoned the police when I heard what was going on outside.

I don't know much about what SS would do but I agree that nothing about the situation sounds healthy for your kids. If your neighbour heard what was going on, I'd find it unlikely your kids didn't wake up and hear. I would be around that with my Dad when I was a child and I hated it - I was scared in my own home whenever I heard him arguing with someone. It will affect them more than you realise.

I'm not against people smoking weed, however, it sounds like it's just you and two young kids in the house - I do think it's irresponsible to be smoking it every night. You may see it as harmless because they're asleep for the night but what if one of them wakes with an emergency and you need to take them to A&E or similar?

It's a good thing you and your ex are amicable and he's aware of the situation because it's something that could be used against you if you weren't

So nobody without a driving license can have children?

OP, you should not have engaged wirh this woman.
Get some help for your reactive nature.
Engage in a productive way with S S(IF they call, they're stretched to capacity! )
And look after you and your children. (This includes trying to calm your voice).

AWombleScorned · 07/04/2022 01:42

all you can do is engage with them and grow up

WonderfulYou · 07/04/2022 06:23

Posters have said it's not good for people with ADHD.

Posters can say unicorns exist but it doesn’t make them right.

That’s true but posters aren’t talking about the unicorn they’re talking about the effects of cannabis and ADHD which is not only common sense but also easily accessible information.

The cannabis use isn’t the issue here anyway.

Natsku · 07/04/2022 06:58

If I were the neighbour I would have done the same thing. Your children might have woken up and heard and/or saw what happened and that kind of thing is terrifying for children.

Cooperate with SS, and talk to your GP about your insomnia, there are much better options for you (I do emphasise, my OH has recently restarted his ADHD meds and they do make it really hard for him to sleep, but cannabis is not the best option for people with ADHD)

Louby79 · 07/04/2022 07:09

A large element of my job is safeguarding . I work in health. Social services will assess but they look at the bigger picture , are the children happy, attending school , taken to health appointments , they will check home conditions etc .. the cannabis use will be a negative against you as will the altercation

However social care are so stretched right now they are unlikely to intervene much .. other than log it and offer you support from drug services .. unless other concerns arise regarding the care of the children

You could do with logging the incident with your friend with the police also

WindowsSmindows · 07/04/2022 09:22

DO A PARENTING COURSE

I don't know why this hasn't been repeated, do people not know how good they can be?
Not everyone is the parent they want to be so up skilling is nothing to be ashamed of.