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Original poster

My neighbour made a referral to social services

67 replies

leighleigh96 · 06/04/2022 20:54

Hi
I am currently crippling with anxiety
On Sunday eve 3/4/22 I had a spat over text message with a friend I fell out with before Christmas
She then proceeded to drink drive to my house around 10pm both kids were asleep in bed and tried to attach me right in my porch I mean trying to rip my hair from my scalp type on attack. She had two bags of Christmas gifts with her for my children as I haven't seen her since Christmas due to us falling out. She started screaming some quite serious false accusations about my parenting saying I have been snorting cocaine in my childrens home which is absolutely not true
I also had ADHD which I am medicated for and I smoke half a j of cannabis around 9.30/10pm when kids asleep and all house work is complete to ensure I get sleep this night I also suffer quite bad insomnia
This attracted the attention of my next door neighbour who came outside after hearing her accusations
In the midst of all the screaming and shouting she was doing I kicked the two bags across my driveway and called her a cheeky b for coming with presents but threatening to tear my family apart and told her if she did not leave that instant then I would make her. She continued to shout and my emotions got the better of me. I ended up walloping her around her smug head. I then had a small rant to present neighbour before going on to bed.
On Monday 4/4/22 same neighbour came round to let me know she works with childrens social care and had no choice but to make a referral due to her accusations and my violence, however at this point she was unaware that she drove to my house under the influence of alcohol and attacked me first
This happened Monday it's now Thursday and I haven't heard anything when at this point I just want it over with
As stated she said I have taken cocaine which I have absolutely not done, however I do smoke cannabis in evenings and a very small amount
Are social services going to take my children due to me lashing out at my old friend? Are they going to drugs test me? Are they even coming at all? Are they going to phone? Write to me?
I don't know it's been two days and I'm nothing but scared. I don't know what to do my kids are happy and so well looked after. Me and dad aren't together but are extremely amicable he is a great dad and knows the situation. He says I need to pick better friends in which case I completely agree
But this has now happened and I've been crying for 2.5 days non stop. I feel completely deflated and don't know what to do with myself. As this was my neighbour I feel like I can't even raise my voice slightly to my children in fear she is listening even when they are playing up
Any advice would be so much appreciated I don't know what's going to happen next and the uncertainty is absolutely killing me
Any advice ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

OP posts:

bellac11 · 06/04/2022 21:03

Its not going to be the allegations of coke or your cannabis use that is going to be the problem, its your associations and interaction with the 'friend'.

You were violent, shouting and screaming while your children were in the home. You shouldnt have opened the door, or you should have shut it and called the police once she started to attack you.

They may decide to complete an assessment with you, you would have to choose to engage with that but my advice would be to think about how you are managing your social relationships and deal with conflict if it arises because this wont have been good for your children.

You already know most of this anyway so its not something that is going to come as a shock that this is something you need to deal with.
No one can say what the outcome of that assessment will be but its your opportunity now to think about things you might want to change. The odd joint of an evening isnt going to be an issue but your social circle could very well put your children at risk and thats the focus really (including if you owe anyone money for it or have to liaise with the sort of friend who attacked you to buy it)

LIZS · 06/04/2022 21:12

It does not matter who started it. By engaging, arguing and fighting on the doorstep, taking drugs while in sole charge of young children you are putting their wellbeing at risk. It is likely SS will do an assessment of the situation, possibly involve school/nursery, as this is a safeguarding issue. They may call first or turn up on the off chance. Whether it is followed up depends on what they find and whether you are genuinely prioritising their needs.

LetHimHaveIt · 06/04/2022 21:16

@bellac11

Its not going to be the allegations of coke or your cannabis use that is going to be the problem, its your associations and interaction with the 'friend'.

You were violent, shouting and screaming while your children were in the home. You shouldnt have opened the door, or you should have shut it and called the police once she started to attack you.

You won't read a better post than this, OP.

Take heed, ffs.

MumGoneMild · 06/04/2022 21:20

You were screaming in the street, kicking stuff around then punched a woman in the head.
I mean, its not great is it? I would of called the police tbh.
Time to cull the friendships that make you behave like this. Your kids deserve not to grow up seeing that

WindowsSmindows · 06/04/2022 21:25

But honestly, being afraid to raise your voice when you're children play up- I know it's coming to shout at kids and call it parenting but it's pretty shitty for them.
Why don't you take a very proactive very positive step and Google parenting courses in my area.
And then do a parenting course

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 06/04/2022 21:26

You’re neighbour did the right thing. I cannot even fathom getting myself into a friendship with someone and then a text argument that could lead to an all out pair of screaming banshee’s brawling on the door step with the kids in the house. Your ex is right you need to choose more carefully who you invite into your life and how you handle arguments. Was your friend in the wrong? Yes but as your neighbour I’d be wondering how the hell you got into that position in the first place.

WindowsSmindows · 06/04/2022 21:27

I meant it's common to shout at kids, (but it's a shitty thing to do)

donquixotedelamancha · 06/04/2022 21:28

I also had ADHD which I am medicated for and I smoke half a j of cannabis around 9.30/10pm when kids asleep and all house work is complete to ensure I get sleep this night I also suffer quite bad insomnia

Cannabis is particularly bad for people with ADHD. If you are smoking it every night it will be really affecting you- whether you realise or not.

Your neighbour did absolutely the right thing- please don't hold it against her.

Let the SW help support you to be a better parent.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 06/04/2022 21:31

And yes you really should research the use of cannabis when you have ADHD particularly as it can also interact badly with ADHD medications.

HellToTheNope · 06/04/2022 21:32

You really need to sort yourself out.

ReadyToMoveIt · 06/04/2022 21:37

If my neighbour was involved in a scene like that I would have phoned the police then and there.
OP you need to engage with any investigation/assessment.

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 06/04/2022 21:38

It sounds like you need social services. Having a pot head for a mum isnt a great situation for them. Cannabis isnt helping you. And smoking it every day? With your kids in the house?
No. Just no. You need help so please engage with social services and be honest about your drug use.

YoYoYoYoSup · 06/04/2022 21:45

@HellToTheNope

You really need to sort yourself out.

All of this. Stop taking drugs for a start and stop rowing with friends like feral animals or something from eastenders. Use this as a wake up call.

DomPom47 · 06/04/2022 21:49

You need to go to your GP re your cannabis habit and seek help, ignore that ‘friend’ and try not to worry about your neighbour. Be there for your kids mentally as well as physically. If you need support with ADHD and insomnia seek help.

SantaHat · 06/04/2022 21:49

Rarely do you see a thread in such agreement. Please take what everyone has posted seriously.

Lemon221 · 06/04/2022 21:50

Your neighbour did exactly what I would have done. The brawling outside is not a great example for the kids. I don’t understand how two adult woman ‘friends’ could end up scrapping on the street, it’s not coronation street.

Flickflak · 06/04/2022 22:19

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

CakeIsNotALuxury · 06/04/2022 22:23

On this occasion I have to say to take social services help.

Now I have nothing against parents who use cannabis - many do long as it's not around the kids or causes them harm... but you was violent and out of control, your kids do not need to be seeing that. You need to get some help and sort yourself out.

WonderfulYou · 06/04/2022 22:24

Have you had any SS involvement before?

I am not against cannabis but using it as an excuse for your ADHD is mad as the two definitely don’t mix.

I do also think you are telling a fib about the cocaine as you wouldn’t be so worried if the allegation was false.

You would also not have engaged with this friend at all and phoned the police, not only for attacking you but for driving drunk and endangering her own and others lives.

kitcat15 · 06/04/2022 22:26

Its like gone to the MASH for triage...so maybe expect a phone call before end of week...school , GP health visitor/ school nurae will all have been informed of the referral and the content and asked to provide information for the MASH ....they will all later be informed of the outcome....eg NFA , step down to early help .... or child and family assessment by social worker

Echobelly · 06/04/2022 22:28

I agree that you should let social services help. Don't be defensive, don't hide anything. You haven't done anything to get your kids taken away; contrary to popular belief, social services are not waiting eagerly to separate families. The best thing you can do is be cooperative and see it as help, not a threat.

Lalliella · 06/04/2022 22:42

You shouldn’t be taking drugs or even having them in the house when you’re looking after kids. Your neighbour did the right thing. She’s probably sick of the smell. SS will help you make better parenting decisions.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 06/04/2022 22:44

Did you at any point apologise to your neighbour for the distress and disturbance?

Yes, this ‘friend’ came and went for you but you need to think about de-escalating trouble not ramping it up. And you don’t seem remorse for punching her ‘smug’ self in the head.

I am no expert but as long as your kids are generally well looked after I very much doubt they would be taken away for this.

If / when they speak to you be calm and honest. Do not be defensive. Have a genuine think about how, for the sake of your kids, you can avoid these situations and better manage your response.

Then apologise to your neighbour, say you understand why she needed to make the referral and assure her that you will do your best to ensure that such a thing never happens again.

BOOTS52 · 06/04/2022 22:55

To those saying that she needs to control her habit, for god's sake she is having half a j to help her sleep and not baking hash cookies and eating them all. Really how many of you are drinking bottles of wine to help you relax and sleep. As for the so called friend no point everyone saying you should not have answered the door it is done now, all as you can do is learn from this and try to move on. Yes it was wrong for you to lose your cool and if I were you I would practice relaxing techniques so if you find yourself getting angry again to that level this will help you and easier to walk away from trouble. Do not keep that person as a friend. As for the neighbour I would call to her and calmly explain if you can, if you can't stay calm don't call to her, that she attacked you first and it is not normally in your nature to behave like that. Also tell her how much you love your children and see what she says. But if you can talk to your doctor also and see if he can help you with medication if you feel you get angry easy and he may be able to help. Ignore those about the j, nothing wrong with that and your kids are in bed. Hope things get better and everyone makes mistakes so learn from it and do not be so hard on yourself.

SoupDragon · 06/04/2022 22:57

and don't know what to do with myself

Use this as a wake up call to sort your life out better. At least ot wasn't the police your neighbour called as I suspect that would have been worse.

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