My exh hit my 7yo dd earlier this evening. Wwyd?

[Dalalalada]

Exh is abusive. He has 50 50 shared care, court ordered.

He hit dd so hard he left a very harsh mark.

I have called 101, who told me that he has legally chasized his child. I have reported to children's services who will get back to me tomorrow.

I have a picture of the mark he has left on the inside of her.thigh / knee area which i will share but dont know how to, if anyone can tell me.

What do i do? Refuse contact? Return to court? Any advice welcomed.

How long after it did you see the mark ? It must have been really hard for it to still be there later.

Take her to A&E and tell the doctor you want her checked over as her dad hit her. She may have other injuries you can see.

I thought it was illegal in England too!?

I would definitely report to SS.
I’m sure it won’t be a priority on their list but they need to have a record of it.

Did the abuse come up in court?
I’m shocked he’s got 50:50 contact if he’s violent.

Any update?

Reasonable chastisement - heart sinks. Unbelievable.

Thank you so much for your support everyone and taking the time to write such wise words.
I called again and quoted the law and the call was recorded as a report of assault. I am waiting for a call back today. I will speak again to ss today. Does anyone have any advice about how to put in an emergency application to the courts to change child arrangement orders?

I am shocked at the response you got from 101, but sadly not super surprised.

Years ago I called 101 as I could see 2 men trying to break into a workman’s white van across the road. The call handler asked ‘is it your car?’. I said no, so she said, well you can’t report the crime then.

I have no legal background, but this just sounded bonkers. I just said: so, if I saw a woman being stabbed across the road, there is no crime being committed because I am not the stabber or the stabbee? I insisted it was recorded, and wanted a crime ref number or whatever it was. I think she just couldn’t be arsed with it.

You’ve had some great advice here: def photos, police (and always get names of people you are dealing with - I find you get better service when I asked politely ‘oh, could I just take your name?’ and in the case of the person who told you it was legal chastisement, they could go on some training…

I hope your DD is ok, and you, it’s a horrid thing to have happened. She is lucky to have you fighting her corner, well done you.

She was out of sorts yesterday and alright today. The mark is now a bruise.
I will take her to a and e as well today. Thank you all

Thank you @sydenhamhiller for your kind words xx

I fucking despise people that use violence against kids. cowardly and a complete loss of control.

for what it's worth, anyone who hit my child, especially hard enough to leave a mark would no longer be in their life. court order or not. take me back to court.

@OwlPumpingIron

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This is NOT an appalling misuse of services. She needs to be seen to make sure she doesn't have other injuries and a GP will probably advise her to go to a and e!

I'm a doctor and used to work in a and e

That's awful. While it is legal to smack your child in England (though not in Scotland, I believe), it is not legal to do so hard enough to leave a mark. Also, the inside of the thigh is not a normal place for it. You should get her to the doctor/ A&E if at all possible, so that there will be medical evidence. If not possible, at least take a photograph of the injury. And inform the police and/or social services as soon as you can.

A and E would be the wrong place to go. Take your own photos and send to the police and social services. They can put them on file and they will be dated.

The information you have been given by 101 is completely wrong as if he has hit your child and left a mark then it is a crime. It's good that you have taken photos as the social workers will need to see this and will likely arrange a medical for your child to get a medical opinion on the cause of the injury. Children's services will involved the police as part of their involvement and its likely dad will be interviewed and could face action from the police due to this. I absolutely would stop contact and let him take it back to court and then the judge can hear all about his actions!

Inside of the thigh is really odd, did she say specifically how she got hit there?

Perhaps its just my own bad experiences talking but are you sure there is no chance she has been sexually assaulted?

I think social services can deal with the application to court if you call them and ask for advice. They'll be involved either way so I'd get in there first and ask for help. In the meantime just don't send her and tell him to take you to court.

@OwlPumpingIron

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She sounds like an excellent compassionate doctor actually, the point is as many professionals need to see this injury as possible as quickly as possible because I absolutely promise you history will be rewritten and if this bruise isn’t documented repeatedly by the time it gets to court it won’t of happened. I had professional photographs taken of my childhood injuries inflicted by my parents the police saw them by the time it got to court the photos have been lost and nobody had any record.

The agent you originally called 101 needs serious training and if that’s not possible needs to be fired. Cant believe they said that hitting a child and leaving a mark it perfectly acceptable for a parent to do. Have they not seen what happened to Arthur Labinjo-Hughes? How many times do deaths like that have to happen until these people start taking it seriously.

@OwlPumpingIron

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It's not for a bruise. It's for the reason she has the bruise. No need for the personal insults thanks

@OwlPumpingIron

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What a terrible thing to say to someone who is concerned about child safeguarding.

She’s not going to Ae for a medical emergency but to get a official photograph and recorded. I think it’s worth it as a paper trial. Otherwise people can argue it’s just hearsay. A GP out of hours walk in would also be ok but not sure they are open on 1 jan.

It's a non accidental injury

@gonnabeok

I worked in child protection.This is an assault. The law clearly says this is not chastisement if you leave a mark or hit a child with an implement.

You stop contact immediately. Take a photograph of the mark. Notify the social services helpdesk in your area. The problem with the police is that many call handlers are civilians and don't know the law. They will always have a duty sergeant working in their call room.Ask to speak to one and tell them you want to see a child protection officer. Normally one come to speak to your daughter in company with a social worker.Its called multi agency working.Write down in direct speech everything your daughter told you about what had happened.

Definitely take her to A & E to be checked over. The safeguarding protocol will kick in.They will record the injury and want to check she has no other injuries/old injuries etc. This is how they find old fractures etc.

I’m just reposting this in case it got lost in the other messages.

We need to make all hitting illegal so parents and services are in no doubt it's illegal. We are really lagging behind other countries on this. Some made it illegal in the 70s and we still haven't ffs. That's ample time to know countries only benefit from making assaulting children illegal