Husband wants me out of the house - Scotland

[AJ500]

My husband of nine years (nearly ten) has declared he wants me out of our house as he wants us to separate. All out of the blue and he yesterday announced his decision. He said there's no going back on his decision and that's that, apparently. Confused, shocked and anger doesn't cover how I feel right now.

I want to put to the side the fact he may have an OW etc etc and concentrate on the legal matters at hand.

Some basic facts:

• no children.
• he bought the house in his name after we married. I'm not named on the deeds.
• based in Scotland although married in England.
• I have very little savings (around 2k in my own personal bank account).
• he is the higher earner.

I am working part time as I'm a student and have gone back to uni so can't afford to buy him out or to find anywhere else to live right now. I only work 16 hrs a week on minimum wage.

He said he doesn't want to involve solicitors but has threatened he will.

He has offered me a lump sum of 50 thousand pounds to leave the house for good. He keeps saying this will be better than what I would be offered if solicitors are involved.

I understand I need legal advice and thankfully have some money to at least get some advice from one.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any initial advice on here. I feel like my world has imploded and he's acting as if nothing is wrong.

Thank you.

His offer doesn't seem entirely unreasonable but surely you need to do it legally regardless of whether you settle at this or a different figure for both your sales?
If you took his 50k but didn't complete a divorce and had no legal agreement surely it has the potential to get very messy?
You could lie and say 'yes that seems reasonable I just want to see how we do it legally' to shut him up for a bit!

If there’s 50k in the house then there’s probably the same in his pension over the last 10 years. The starting point of that you will get half of everything.

How much does he have in savings and insurance policies, stock and shares etc in his own name?

I have not even the slightest doubt that he is offering you LESS a than you will be able to negotiate with the help of your own solicitor.

DONT leave the house, you have as much right to stay there as he does. It’s the marital home.

@BlueVelvetStars because they are independent adults with no dependents, she is a part time worker and student, he isn’t on a high income and bought the house but offering all the equity as a settlement.

OP is building her own career, the money offered should enable her to start again. The military pension might be a final salary scheme but unless the full years to qualify apply it’s unlikely to be worth a lot.

@AJ500 how old are you both?

So you need to add both together, yours and his, based on the cash transfer value and then split that too. However be warned a judge may decide you’re not entitled to any of his pension as there are no kids and you are able to work and build your own

That’s not how it works. She’s entitled to a share of the the matrimonial assets, which include both of their pensions for the duration of the marriage. It’s nothing to do with being childless.

I'm going to sound a bit silly now but how do I even find out about shares/secret savings etc? I've had a good look through where he keeps his documents, the only thing I could find was the details for savings account we have that is under our joint bank account. There's just over 8k saved in it. There's nothing else I can find regarding to savings or 'secret' accounts.

As for a car, it's a fairly old shitty one, purchased for 5k about 4 years ago.

Regarding insurance, he doesn't have life insurance etc etc. I'm not sure if that matters but wanted to add that in.

For the moment I'm not leaving, this is my home and he can't just turf me out because he fancies doing so.

@FAQs Both early 30s.

Can you do a credit check?

on a salary of £32k he is unlikely to have secret shares and investments, I'm assuming a lot of people were thinking he was on a lot higher a salary

In England the house will be viewed as a matrimonial asset so would be shared 50/50 but then weighted towards each party based on need, pensions can be viewed differently as there are several factors to consider - Value, age, current earnings and also potential future earnings. So if you're likely to earn more than him in future the pensions are balance to include that.
If the figures you have been given are right then it's actually not a bad offer.

Were you married when he was serving? I gather he done 12yrs and not over 22yrs.

@AJ500 I’m that case I suspect there won’t be much pension, you might find the settlement reasonable but agree with the poster who said you’ll still need a solicitor to ensure it’s dealt with correctly even if it’s to prevent future issues for either of you.

@CombatBarbie yes we married when he was serving and yes he left after 12 years.

I'm going to sound a bit silly now but how do I even find out about shares/secret savings etc?

That’s a good question. When you go though a solicitor he will be asked to declare it. But a bit of detective work will help as your solicitor needs to know the right questions to ask.

If his offer is really so fair and generous, why do you need to decide within a few days AND not consult a solicitor?

If it’s a great offer then your husband can be confident that a solicitor will tell you so. It’s not as if he has to pay the legal fees. Why does he care if you get and pay for legal advice ? He doesn't need to instruct a solicitor if he doesn’t want one - it’s no skin off his nose.

He is 100% hiding something and this offer is 100% not a good deal for you.

I wouldn’t just leave. I would start looking for housing because you are going to need it eventually.

I would get a solicitor. People don’t realize this at the start, I certainly did not, but a solicitor doesn’t mean you are about to be adversarial. A solicitor just means you do things correctly. If you cooperate, neither of you will accumulate much in legal bills and knowing the law instead of speculating just makes things so much less emotional and tense.

I don’t think he necessarily has secret money. He is probably focusing more on spousal support and his pension, both of which are big concerns from his perspective. A forces pension can be extremely valuable. You should not dismiss your interest in either without legal advice.

Just remember that you are in no rush to make a decision or need to get legal advice before the weekend. The deadline of the weekend is his deadline and he is trying to bully you in taking a weaker position.

I'm so sorry about all this. It's a huge shock and no way to treat your wife. t's time to put on your big girl tough pants, resist his bullying behaviour and protect yourself going forward.

[quote FAQs]@BlueVelvetStars because they are independent adults with no dependents, she is a part time worker and student, he isn’t on a high income and bought the house but offering all the equity as a settlement.

OP is building her own career, the money offered should enable her to start again. The military pension might be a final salary scheme but unless the full years to qualify apply it’s unlikely to be worth a lot.

@AJ500 how old are you both?[/quote]

Aahh I see ...

thank you 🌸

I think you have to get legal advice, you've been married a fair time.

Have you got copies of your joint account statements, you can see what is going in and out, is his salary paid directly into it has he got any bank cards or a cheque book.

I don’t think he necessarily has secret money. He is probably focusing more on spousal support and his pension, both of which are big concerns from his perspective. A forces pension can be extremely valuable. You should not dismiss your interest in either without legal advice

I doubt he’s in the slightest bit worried about spousal support, I can’t imagine why he’d have to pay it. But I agree with you about the forces pension and his other pensions.

If its a final salary pension it could be worth a decent chunk....at £500 a month I reckon the transfer value (which is the capital value used for divorce purposes) will be easily in excess of £100k

He wants you out quickly in order to panic you into making the wrong decision. If you leave the marital home you will make it look to a court as if you wanted to do this. For goodness sake gets some legal advice and tell him he can get a solicitor as you are not going to be bullied.

Unless the house has been valued, you don't know it is (just) £50 grand equity. Property in Edinburgh seems to be selling like the clappers at the moment.

So he has his military pension, but he will also have a pension from his current employer.

It's not a case of 'grabbing his pension'. It's just that all assets go on the table and then the division is sorted. No one has the right to keep anything 'off the table'

While I completely agree with people saying get a solicitor to talk over your options. The reason he could be pushing you into a decision is because OW (if there is one) is pushing him.

If he has offered £50k, counter it with £150k and a clean break. At 32k a year, he won't have hundreds and thousands in a secret bank account.

The only thing I would suspect is if a rich relative has died or is due to die and he is going to get a chunk from that?

Doesn't matter where in the U.K you married, you live in Scotland. Don't move out and make an appointment to see a solicitor tomorrow. Your Husband can't make you leave.