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Original poster

Husband wants me out of the house - Scotland

257 replies

AJ500 · 29/04/2021 16:00

My husband of nine years (nearly ten) has declared he wants me out of our house as he wants us to separate. All out of the blue and he yesterday announced his decision. He said there's no going back on his decision and that's that, apparently. Confused, shocked and anger doesn't cover how I feel right now.

I want to put to the side the fact he may have an OW etc etc and concentrate on the legal matters at hand.

Some basic facts:

  • no children.
  • he bought the house in his name after we married. I'm not named on the deeds.
  • based in Scotland although married in England.
  • I have very little savings (around 2k in my own personal bank account).
  • he is the higher earner.

I am working part time as I'm a student and have gone back to uni so can't afford to buy him out or to find anywhere else to live right now. I only work 16 hrs a week on minimum wage.

He said he doesn't want to involve solicitors but has threatened he will.

He has offered me a lump sum of 50 thousand pounds to leave the house for good. He keeps saying this will be better than what I would be offered if solicitors are involved.

I understand I need legal advice and thankfully have some money to at least get some advice from one.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any initial advice on here. I feel like my world has imploded and he's acting as if nothing is wrong.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Ducksurprise · 29/04/2021 18:05

What would set you up elsewhere? Taking emotions out of it how much do you need? I helped a friend, we knew that her husband had money hidden and also knew it would be nearly impossible to prove it so we fought for what she needed to start again. Yes she could have got more if we could prove it all but the fear for him made him payout more than he originally offered.

BlueVelvetStars · 29/04/2021 18:06

@AJ500

Stay strong lady, quietly see your Solicitor, and do not move out.

You are definitely entitled to equity.

Stay on here, these posters know their stuff, they will keep you right...

Wishing the best OP 🌸

Horehound · 29/04/2021 18:07

[quote AJ500]@EL8888 in just under eight weeks will be our ten year anniversary.
Yeah my husband has just said the same thing 'let's share a solicitor' wtf!?!?

I've emailed some solicitors to see if I can set up an appointment.

I've been reading conflicting things but he bought the house after we married, am I therefore entitled to some of it? Or half? My head is all over the place so I feel what I've been researching has not sunk in (I'm in shock to be honest).[/quote]
I think your entitled to have but you really need proper legal advice. Good luck!

Babdoc · 29/04/2021 18:07

You should get a share of his pension, OP, which he may have to pay you as cash upfront. I’m in Scotland, and a colleague who got divorced had to give his wife the whole of their 4 bed house in lieu of pension share.
It’s essential that you consult a solicitor. Your husband is trying to cheat you out of your legal entitlement and pressure you to move out - do not leave.
Start checking his finances too - bank statements, investments, everything. You should have a share of those too.

Original poster
AJ500 · 29/04/2021 18:10

@MintMatchmaker

I've just had a ransack of the house whilst he's out. There's 8 grand in a joint savings account, I can't find details of a pension etc. I can't seem to find anything else. We have a car but it's a shitty old thing.

He has admitted that his plan is to remortgage the house, use 50k of that to "pay me off" so I can move out, have enough money to get back on my feet and then we can divorce amicably and quickly.

If I don't agree to his deal by the weekend then he will be contacting a solicitor and "it'll be more expensive that way" (his words).

I'm waiting back on three solicitors for appointments etc. Obviously with it being Thursday there's no way I'll have the legal advice by the weekend.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/04/2021 18:16

If the equity in the house is 50 k and there is ten grand in savings between you then you’re entitled to walk away with 30k.

Then there is his pension. And yours. The valuation is not the same as the cash in there, it’s based on the cash transfer value.

So you need to add both together, yours and his, based on the cash transfer value and then split that too. However be warned a judge may decide you’re not entitled to any of his pension as there are no kids and you are able to work and build your own.

So he may be right, he’s offering more than you’d get in court.

DogsSausages · 29/04/2021 18:17

He will need to pay his solicitor so it's not your problem, he should have thought about that before he suddenly dropped this on you, his solicitor can draw up a plan for you to read through. Has he even said why he wants a divorce, do you have friends and family supporting you,

ExitChasedByABee · 29/04/2021 18:17

He really planned this our Sad

Your op says he sprung it on you yesterday and he gave you a weekend deadline. He knew what he was doing Flowers I hope someone with greater expertise based in Scotland comes along so you can have a clear idea before the weekend and catch him by surprise.

ExitChasedByABee · 29/04/2021 18:17

out*

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2021 18:18

I bet if he's offered that then you're actually entitled to a LOT more

Based on the numbers given that doesn’t appear to be the case, she’s entitled to a lot less, unless the pension is a biggie, but that’s unknown at this stage. She’s said he’s a higher earner, not he’s a high earner.

Bluntness100 · 29/04/2021 18:20

I've been reading conflicting things but he bought the house after we married, am I therefore entitled to some of it? Or half

Assume half the equity op. It is not and is never the total value.

suggestionsplease1 · 29/04/2021 18:23

Definitely take the solicitors appointments and you will get an idea of what you might be entitled to. It's possible your husband is right, especially if there's not a lot of money elsewhere, no kids etc. Do you have a general idea of his salary...do figures largely make sense in terms of expenditure and what you're seeing in current accounts, or does it feel like a lot of money is going elsewhere?

Original poster
AJ500 · 29/04/2021 18:27

Sorry I don't want to be drip feeding but to answer some questions.

He's on around 32k a year.

He has a pension from the military (he's since left). I can't find the actual documentation right now but I remember reading it a few years ago and it was around 500 a month from the age of 65 if I remember correctly (I'm not one hundred percent certain and I can't find the paperwork now).

OP posts:
FAQs · 29/04/2021 18:29

@Bluntness100

If the equity in the house is 50 k and there is ten grand in savings between you then you’re entitled to walk away with 30k.

Then there is his pension. And yours. The valuation is not the same as the cash in there, it’s based on the cash transfer value.

So you need to add both together, yours and his, based on the cash transfer value and then split that too. However be warned a judge may decide you’re not entitled to any of his pension as there are no kids and you are able to work and build your own.

So he may be right, he’s offering more than you’d get in court.

I was going to say similar to this.

Who has been paying the mortgage?

There are no children, he bought the house, was it with his money? He is the higher earner side potentially supporting you rather than the other way round? Of course a solicitor will help but you might find that this is a good deal.

FAQs · 29/04/2021 18:30

Why would you want to take some of his pension?

Pinkpaisley · 29/04/2021 18:33

When I divorced my student XH. I offered him a generous lump sum for a quick and easy divorce. It left me cash poor, but I knew I could work my way back quickly. We had very transparent finances and he knew every penny of my assets so there were no questions about what was fair legally.

Part of the reason for the divorce was that I was unhappy about how long he was spending in school and that he simply didn’t want to graduate and get a job. He could have made a case for spousal support, which is why I offered the cash because the idea of continuing to support his lazy self was abhorrent. Note I am not accusing you of doing the same op. I really value education and spent a long time in school myself attaining advanced degrees.. My XH just used school as an excuse to smoke pot all day.

Horehound · 29/04/2021 18:34

You can negotiate more cash in lieu of not going for his pension.
Do you have a pension?
Cars?

Original poster
AJ500 · 29/04/2021 18:34

@FAQs to be honest I've always paid my way in the marriage - he earns considerably more than me yet I've always paid half on bills etc.

I've added details of pension as other posters were asking. I don't necessarily care about the pension especially at this minute.

I'm going to be honest, I'm in shock about it all, I'm really not thinking straight so I wanted to build the full picture on here so I can at least get my thoughts out somewhere and to get some advice.

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 29/04/2021 18:36

To be honest it sounds a good deal to me. Presumably you worked full time and had your own pension until you became a student so any share of his won't be large.. And he is entitled to half your savings as well.

SirusTheVirus · 29/04/2021 18:36

@AJ500

Sorry I don't want to be drip feeding but to answer some questions.

He's on around 32k a year.

He has a pension from the military (he's since left). I can't find the actual documentation right now but I remember reading it a few years ago and it was around 500 a month from the age of 65 if I remember correctly (I'm not one hundred percent certain and I can't find the paperwork now).

That’s not really a high earner

Obviously take the legal advice but I’d be more tempted by his offer now that I was on page 1

Justforphoto · 29/04/2021 18:36

on a salary of £32K his pension is probably not that big, do you have your own pension?

hedgehogger1 · 29/04/2021 18:37

Sounds like a right bastard you married. Take him for every penny. He's clearly out for himself, you need to be too

Lollypop701 · 29/04/2021 18:38

A force’s pension can be worth a lot... get advice.

BlueVelvetStars · 29/04/2021 18:39

@FAQs

Why would you want to take some of his pension?
Why would you not ?
ProseccoThyme · 29/04/2021 18:40

OP, have a Google of the Scottish legal aid board (SLAB) and see if you come in to the categories that will entitle you to free legal aid.

Of you do, I know one in Edinburgh who accepts it

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