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Original poster

Leaving Soon to be EX-Husband off BC

62 replies

few43453545 · 06/05/2020 15:40

Im due in July. Can I leave the father blank on the BC or will the person registering the birth force me to name STBEXH?

Currently waiting to hear from the courts for amendments I sent in months ago due to them being ridiculously behind. There are copious reasons as to why he's not to be listed.

OP posts:
ivfgottostaypositive · 06/05/2020 19:49

Because we have an "innocent until proven guilty" presumption in the U.K. and irrelevant of the conviction statistics if you havent reported it to the police then why should a council official accept your allegations? They aren't there to act as judge and juror so I think you will find it difficult to use this as a valid reason to leave him off what is a legal document

prh47bridge · 06/05/2020 19:53

If you're married at the time of registering the birth

What matters is whether or not the OP is married at the time of birth, not the time of registration.

PerspicaciaTick · 06/05/2020 19:55

No births have been registered since March, there is going to be a huge backlog once they start registering births again. Very little happens if you don't register within 6 weeks and I would imagine that this will be especially true in the wekkz post-lockdown.
However, you will be asked if you were married at the time of the birth and your husband will be assumed to be the father. If you don't answer truthfully, you will be perjuring yourself and you may be creating more problems for yourself in future... especially if your ex is vindictive.
You need proper legal advice before you register, but unless you manage to get divorced before the baby is born you will have to tell the registrar you were married at the time of the birth.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 06/05/2020 19:55

Did you press charges?

carly2803 · 06/05/2020 20:16

did you press charges?

will you be divorced by the time baby is here?

carly2803 · 06/05/2020 20:16

did you press charges?

will you be divorced by the time baby is here?

Original poster
few43453545 · 06/05/2020 20:41

@prh47bridge So if we're still legally married when LO is here they will put him on the BC either way?

How do they find out his name etc?

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 06/05/2020 21:11

They will take your word on it. But if you lie you will have perjured yourself and if that comes to light in future you could find yourself in trouble with the courts. Especially if your ex is vindictive.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 06/05/2020 21:12

As far as i know it doesnt really matter if he's on the BC or not though, if the baby is born while you're married then he has parental rights regardless of whether or not he's on the form.

Boomclaps · 06/05/2020 21:16

I would ask for help from women’s aid or cab because they’ll be more help than us!
Lots of love

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 06/05/2020 21:25

Be careful he doesn’t find out when the baby is born, because he has a legal right to register the birth without you, which means the scumbag could put what he wants to name the baby down. You need to make sure you get the baby named on the register before he finds out.

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily · 06/05/2020 21:26

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

CrystalTipped · 06/05/2020 21:28

As someone whose father was not included on the birth certificate I am always baffled when I hear how cruel it is for the child. I am a very sensitive person, and I can honestly say that I have never cared about this. My birth cert is a piece of paper in a file that I fish out when I need to renew my passport. I don't care if it features my entire family tree or none of it...

prh47bridge · 06/05/2020 21:31

How do they find out his name etc

They ask you. Giving false information is an offence under the Perjury Act 1911.

I am aware that there was a suggestion some years ago that rape victims would not have to name their rapist but I'm not sure if that was ever put into effect. Even if it has been, the fact you apparently didn't report the rape may mean that you will have to name him.

Just to repeat, he will have PR regardless of whether or not he is named on the birth certificate as you will be married at the time of birth.

CodenameVillanelle · 06/05/2020 21:32

Ultimately you could lie when you register him and say you don't know the father and they would leave it blank. However it would be very easy for him to add himself - he wouldn't even need to go to court, just send the form with evidence.

YinMnBlue · 06/05/2020 21:36

FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

Currently waiting to hear from the courts for amendments I sent in months ago due to them being ridiculously behind. There are copious reasons as to why he's not to be listed

It is perfectly obvious from the OP's OP that there are serious reasons why she does not want this man on the birth certificate and she is embroiled in the courts over 'copious reasons'.

Do women not listen to or believe other women any more?

OP, really sorry this has happened and that the court delays may mean that you cannot divorce before your baby is born Angry.

user1635482648 · 06/05/2020 21:46

Because we have an "innocent until proven guilty" presumption in the U.K

Only in terms of whether the state can impose criminal punishments on people. That's it.

Otherwise in your nasty little version of reality no women would ever be able to access protection, help or support for the harm caused by being raped "because why should anyone believe her if the rapist hasn't been convicted" .

It's appalling how many people are being such vile dickheads on this thread. And there is no such thing as "pressing charges"!

Maybe try Women's Aid and/or Rights of Women, op.

millymollymoomoo · 07/05/2020 11:48

I think that’s because this is a legal board so people who are actually legally trained are giving the legal answers - to which emotions are not considered. If the op wants support and to sound off about what a bastard she is she should do that on the relationship board

millymollymoomoo · 07/05/2020 11:49

He is not she is

Wtfdoipick · 07/05/2020 11:59

The way the question is worded means to leave him off you would have to lie which has been pointed out is perjury also don't delay registering either as he also has the right to register the birth without you being present too. Irrespective of him being named on the bc or not he still has parental responsibility so there really is no benefit to you to not naming him and it could cause issues if he does decide to be difficult at all.

What do you think the benefit would be to leaving him off?

YinMnBlue · 07/05/2020 13:01

MillyMollyMooMoo: I don’t buy that. Answers about ‘punishing him’ ‘cruel’ ‘just because you don't want to be married to him anymore!’ are hardly factually legal, and references to ‘pressing charges’ definitely not. Along with the consistent misinformation that the registration date, rather than the birth date, is the date that counts. It takes the legal factual post of PRH47bridge to say that.

If it had been in Relationships the OP might have given more about the relationship.

What we have is many posters without the legal knowledge to answer, or the sensitivity to pick up the clues in the OP about the relationship.

And now we have victim blaming about her posts!!

Original poster
few43453545 · 07/05/2020 15:02

Thank you @YinMnBlue That is exactly that, I didn't post in relationships and the relationship isn't anyones business. I simply wanted the legal answer from those with the legal knowledge, not to be blamed for being a victim.

@prh47bridge the fact you apparently didn't report the rape may mean that you will have to name him.

Where did I say I didn't report him? You never asked and I never answered. (you're the only one with credible knowledge on this subject it appears)

Those who asked were those who were first to go off on how cruel I was, blame me and have no legal knowledge on the subject. Not only DID I report him, I also have PROOF in black and white where he admits not only the rape but other abusive things.

OP posts:
Original poster
few43453545 · 07/05/2020 15:04

He wouldn't register the birth, he wouldn't know how to, wouldn't have the energy nor care to put in the effort to go find the number, ring up, book an appointment, travel down there and do it.

OP posts:
SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 07/05/2020 15:27

If you have proof id take it to the police as with a report you would likely be able to limit his rights.

prh47bridge · 07/05/2020 16:03

Where did I say I didn't report him

My apologies. I misunderstood one of your posts through not skimming that part of the thread where people were having a go at you.

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