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Original poster

Son remanded into custody

104 replies

Samdwoman · 27/04/2020 19:48

DS (19) was remanded into custody today after court appearance until May 25th. I can’t find anything out. He used his 5 minute phonecall to ring me but was just in a state crying. I don’t know who his solicitor is or whether he will get a psychiatric assessment when he arrives at prison or anything. He’s previously attempted suicide and was detained under mental health act.

I know what he did was awful but he’s my son, he’s very immature for his age and he’s terrified. Any idea what will happen now?? How do I find out who his solicitor is?

OP posts:
Barton10 · 28/04/2020 13:51

I hope you are ok OP. The Court should be able to tell you where he is and may give you the name of his solicitor. Good luck.

LivinLaVidaLoki · 28/04/2020 13:54

It may be worth contacting your local authority YOT service. Not sure what it is like in your area, but some LAs take referrals up to 24, maybe you can get some support there.

Original poster
Samdwoman · 28/04/2020 13:56

Thanks for the advice and support. I have managed to locate his solicitor and awaiting a call from them. I called the court this morning and am now aware of the full charges (I’m not going to post them on here but they do not include rape or child abuse). I’m not attempting to excuse what he’s done at all and I am in contact with the victim offering support where I can.

I just need to get in contact with prison safeguarding/mental health team now.

OP posts:
Lipz · 28/04/2020 14:09

Oh lord your poor poor son. I hope he's OK. It's shocking that he has mh problems and maybe autistic? Dreadful that no one contacted you to explain, surely his issues are evident. I hope you can get some answers from the solicitor and glad you were able to find him. You'll sort out his personal things once you speak properly to your son. Very worrying time for you all.

Original poster
Samdwoman · 28/04/2020 15:10

Prison have just called me and they were lovely on the phone. One of the first things he asked me was whether DS had an autism diagnosis as the traits stood out so greatly during his induction. Yet for years nobody has taken me seriously with this and it takes a prison officer to notice it. This is the shit I’ve been battling with for years. Nobody listens.

OP posts:
user1495884620 · 28/04/2020 15:16

I saw the previous thread and, hard as it may be, I think the best support that you can offer to the victim is for you and your son to stay well out of their life.

RedHelenB · 28/04/2020 16:40

I assume their was violence involved if he's been remanded in cuntidy and not rated or child abuse. In anyour caseptic, I really wouldn't contact the victim now until after the trial,

2020hello · 28/04/2020 16:51

Sadly sometimes it does take something drastic and an outsider (the prison officer) with no connection to notice these things OP. Hopefully your son can finally get some help.

PawPawNoodle · 28/04/2020 17:01

OP - google the name if the prison he's in and "safer custody" for quicker access.

BumbleBeee69 · 28/04/2020 17:06

Much as I sympathise ... I'd be interested to know what has he been charged with ? being held on remand indicates it's a violent offence yes ?

CallMeRachel · 28/04/2020 17:20

Prison have just called me and they were lovely on the phone. One of the first things he asked me was whether DS had an autism diagnosis as the traits stood out so greatly during his induction. Yet for years nobody has taken me seriously with this and it takes a prison officer to notice it. This is the shit I’ve been battling with for years. Nobody listens.

@Samdwoman

Try and take that as a positive. Regardless of what's happened, the most important thing from now onwards is that he's safe and will get help.
Unfortunately prisons are full of people with diagnosed adhd/ASD.

Much as I sympathise ... I'd be interested to know what has he been charged with ? being held on remand indicates it's a violent offence yes ?

Biscuit It's got absolutely nothing to do with you, leave the op alone and stop badgering her for the crime details.
IPityThePontipines · 28/04/2020 17:35

This website is called Mumsnet, not Mums of Non-Criminal Children Net. OP is as entitled as anyone else to ask for support here. Her child is in custody, the wheels of justice are in motion, so there's no need for pitchforks in internetland.

NaturalBornWoman · 28/04/2020 18:49

This website is called Mumsnet, not Mums of Non-Criminal Children Net. OP is as entitled as anyone else to ask for support here. Her child is in custody, the wheels of justice are in motion, so there's no need for pitchforks in internetland.

There are victims of domestic violence on this site, maybe on this thread. The OP hasn’t come here asking for help with her own feelings about her son’s abhorrent crime, she’s making excuses for him and now kind people are expressing sympathy for him. It’s not appropriate.

IPityThePontipines · 28/04/2020 18:55

@NaturalBornWoman I have no idea what her son's crime was. It's not relevant to the factual support she is asking for. There are a lot of upsetting topics discussed on MN. The subject of the thread is clear, so people can avoid it if necessary.

Bluntness100 · 28/04/2020 18:59

I think peoples issue is if the victim posted, or the op revealed it, the responses would be very different,

I’d agree no need for pitchforks, as her son is possibly facing a life sentence based on what the op posted yesterday, what below that, if any, we can’t tell, and from the ops comments it could be in a prison/secure psychiatric unit, which could be worse if he’s not fit to stand trial, although i suspect he will be.

There will be assessments done to decide if he understands he has done wrong and can stand trial and where his sentence needs to be served.

Op prisoners on remand have a right to a weekly visit I think, worth checking out.

SunnyStroll · 28/04/2020 19:01

He's 19yo and he and his mother have been badly let down by the system, as has his victim(s) but OP was only asking about how to find out where he was.

We might not always love what our children do (and save me from smug parents who think this could never happen to them) but we will always worry about them.

HelloTerrance · 28/04/2020 19:13

I can only imagine how terrible the crime is but the OP has not commited a crime so she shouldn't be getting an interrogation.

You can love someone without liking their behaviour. I say that as a victim of rape, sexual abuse and domestic violence.

Crime affects so many people not just the direct victim.

NaturalBornWoman · 28/04/2020 19:15

I think peoples issue is if the victim posted, or the op revealed it, the responses would be very different

We know that from the previous thread. So this time the OP has omitted the salient information and given a sob story about his problems, to the extent she’s getting responses like

Oh lord your poor poor son. I hope he's OK. It's shocking that he has mh problems and maybe autistic?

It’s deceitful.

MrsL2016 · 28/04/2020 19:37

I'm not going to wade in on some of the other stuff being discussed here but in regards his tenancy, what a PP said is correct. If he receives Housing Benefit (element of UC or legacy benefit) it can be paid for 52 weeks whilst on remand and up to 6 months if sentenced. The housing provider in the prison will apply to keep the benefit going but he would still be liable for any top up.

SoVeryLost · 28/04/2020 19:40

@NaturalBornWoman I can’t see any previous threads from OP.

frumpety · 28/04/2020 19:46

If the OP is in contact with the actual victim of the crime, then I presume they were known to the OP or the OP's son. I don't honestly think this is a good idea to continue to do this OP. They are the victim of the crime and you need to leave them alone to process all that comes with that, regardless of how good your intentions are.

Gazelda · 28/04/2020 19:47

OP, I'm pleased you are now able to speak with the prison. I hope they support your DS appropriately.

And I hope you are reassured that he is safe.

I think you should ask MN to delete this thread. The speculation on here is vile and unnecessary. If posters don't feel able to offer advice on the j fo you have given, then they should step away from the thread.

You have your own reasons for not disclosing the alleged crime, and you should not be facing such uNcomfortable questioning about a subject you didn't ask for advice on.

NaturalBornWoman · 28/04/2020 19:51

@SoVeryLost she had it deleted due to the responses she got when she said what he’d done. Responses which were entirely to be expected from a forum used by women, mothers, pregnant women, victims of violence and domestic abuse, to someone seeking to minimise and excuse and make it all about the perpetrator.

Walkingtohealth · 28/04/2020 20:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dk20 · 28/04/2020 20:22

Hi OP
Just came back this evening to see how you are?
I'm glad you've managed to find his solicitor and that the prison have noticed he is a vulnerable person.

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