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Original poster

Social services trying to get my kids adopted

234 replies

Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:06

Please don't judge me I dont really have no one to talk to I've been going through a court battle since June last year foghti g to keep my kids and everytime the judge Sat's they don't meet the threshold I recently joined a dating website out of stress and boredom I started talking to a guy and invited him to my house ss found out and
Threatened to go back to court to get my kids into care my final hearing is 6 weeks away and I'm scared I will lose my kids

OP posts:
sagradafamiliar · 01/04/2019 16:17
Thanks
ILoveMaxiBondi · 01/04/2019 16:17

SS dictating who I could let into my home while my children were sleeping would have me falling at the first fence right there

SS don’t dictate who you let into your house. They just observe who you let in and act accordingly. They are usually kind enough to let you know what would be a cause for concern though so you are making an informed decision.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 01/04/2019 16:19

Well, SS dictating who I could let into my home while my children were sleeping would have me falling at the first fence right there

You would invite a man you've never met into your house while the kids were asleep?

That's not a microscope thing is it but very, very basic safety.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 01/04/2019 16:19

And also you wouldn’t be “falling” at the first fence. You’d be knowingly making a decision that would risk having your children removed. One night stand with a stranger versus keeping your children. If you really think you would “fall” at that fence then you’ve got serious issues.

BartonHollow · 01/04/2019 16:20

"I suspect if any of us came under microscope"

Funnily enough, no. They don't have the resources.

My friend was in absolute hysterics one week because :

Her toddler had had a common or garden slip/trip and hurt their face

A non parent relative did nursery drop off next day and neglected to mention the fall, the toddler being a toddler couldn't give a reasonable account of their injury and a safeguarding was raised and a visit made

They found a stable clean loving home, two decent parents and happy children

They didn't come back.

My friend had the fright of her life though and didn't get over it for ages.

Filibustering · 01/04/2019 16:27

SS dictating who I could let into my home while my children were sleeping would have me falling at the first fence right there

I would have thought your own common sense would be the thing to 'dictate' that letting a total stranger met on a dating site into your home, with or without sleeping children present, is a deeply risky action.

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 16:28

Well, SS dictating who I could let into my home while my children were sleeping would have me falling at the first fence right there @Filibustering

Is that helpful?

FlopsyMopsyRabbit · 01/04/2019 16:28

How many children do you have in total?

BorsetshireBlew · 01/04/2019 16:29

To be honest, if SS put a microscope on any one of us, not many of us would live up to their expectations.

Honestly that's not the case. We work with children at risk of harm. The threshold is high. We aren't interested in putting functioning families under microscopes. Most of us are parents ourselves and are certainly not perfect!

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 16:33

@FlopsyMopsyRabbit She's been asked that several times already.

Chillyegg · 01/04/2019 16:59

Christ sake op is clearly struggling she’s living in her own personal shit storm. Some of it not her own making some of it is. However I think she’s probably being punished enough in real life with out the Spanish Inquisition being thrown down on her. Practically I don’t think any of us can give you much advice as the details probably go far far deeper than what you’ve said. But losing my child to go into foster care would destroy me so facing this must be heart breaking. You need to really really look at your self and your situation and try and find ways you can do what’s best for your children. It’s really hard being a parent. Life throws all sorts of shit. But you clearly seem to need to find respite and safety in men. Men aren’t the answer hear not is more baby’s . They won’t fill that whole.

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2019 17:15

To be honest, if SS put a microscope on any one of us, not many of us would live up to their expectations.

That's abolsolute and utter bullshit. I don't know what goes on in your home, but I can assure you mine would live up to expectations and I would assume, so would that of my friends, from what I can see.

A safe environment, with children well cared for, physically and emotionally, is all that's required. Id argue the vast majority of parents would live up to that standard, with yes, a minority who wouldn't, many of whom would escape the net,

And I say that as someone who grew up in an abusive household.

I don't know why the op invited a stranger to her home when the kids were asleep, or even if he was a stranger and not an ex, but pretending to her she is just unlucky and we would all fail the microscope is very very wrong.

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 18:22

2 pretty famous doctors managed to fail that test - they paid the ultimate price alright - but you're silly if you think that all of us live like fucking saints on a permanent basis.

If you're a smug married, with two incomes, two steady jobs, etc. etc., you'll probably pass the test. You probably share a bottle of wine together - all good.

If you're a single parent, with autism, your partner beats the shit out of you, you have no confidence, you can't afford childcare, maybe you smoke and drink Dutch Gold instead of wine of a night - FAIL!!!!!!!!

Can you see how both are pretty typical scenarios? What is wrong with one and not the other? Answer - you've been a victim all your life most probably.

Should your children be taken off you and given to for e.g. the first family? No. Is my opinion.

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 18:24

Isn’t there some sort of Godwin thing about the McCanns? There fucking should be.

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 18:26

What's a Godwin thing?

killpop · 01/04/2019 18:26

To be honest, if SS put a microscope on any one of us, not many of us would live up to their expectations.

This is really untrue. The bar for what SS deem 'good enough' is set incredibly low.
I get that you are trying to support OP, but lying to them is NOT helpful.

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 18:29

I’m referring to Godwin’s law, Cos.

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 18:30

Let he without sin cast the first stone.

Almost every day on here you have women in abusive relationships posting.

Almost every day you have women posting about their 'bottle of red', of partners going out and getting pissed and coming home scuttered drunk, puking all over the gaff and being arseholes.

Put a microscope on them, and would they pass the test? Would they fuck!

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 18:31

Ye - and what is Godwin's law.

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 18:36

Give a particular type of poster enough time to waffle and they’ll eventually bring up Nazis and/or Hitler.

It’s generally considered that when all that you have left in your arsenal is nazi comparisons, you’ve lost the toss.

I believe the same can be said of people who bring up Madeline McCann on a parenting issue.

HTH.

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2019 18:42

2 pretty famous doctors managed to fail that test - they paid the ultimate price alright - but you're silly if you think that all of us live like fucking saints on a permanent basis. If you're a smug married, with two incomes, two steady jobs, etc. etc., you'll probably pass the test. You probably share a bottle of wine together - all good.If you're a single parent, with autism, your partner beats the shit out of you, you have no confidence, you can't afford childcare, maybe you smoke and drink Dutch Gold instead of wine of a night - FAIL!!!!!!!!

Are you drunk right now? I can't think of any reason your referencing rhe McCanns as the norm, that's sick, and of course if your kids are being brought up with domestic violence you would fail, children need to be protected from that.Confused

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 01/04/2019 18:50

Yes to Godwin's law!

Weird to bring MM into it. I'm not sure you're doing single parents much of a service there either

BertieBotts · 01/04/2019 19:23

Children aren't taken away from parents as some kind of punishment for the parents' lifestyle. Children are sometimes removed for their own safety - witnessing domestic violence/being a victim of it themselves would of course be a risk to that safety. The other things you mention would not cause concern about a child's safety. Middle class families can experience domestic abuse and cause safeguarding concerns as well.

The McCanns did not lose their children to social services - they still have their other two. They lost a child through tragic circumstance, arguably aided by less than perfect parenting (although since nobody knows what happened, you can't really say whether it was affected by that), but the other two were not considered to be at risk so they weren't removed. You're not comparing the same thing.

TacoLover · 01/04/2019 19:31

If you're a single parent, with autism, your partner beats the shit out of you, you have no confidence, you can't afford childcare, maybe you smoke and drink Dutch Gold instead of wine of a night - FAIL!!!!!!!!

You don't think children should be removed from a harmful environment then? Why do you think children should be in a house where their mother has the 'shit beaten out of her'Hmm

Your post is ridiculous. You compared two scenarios; one contains no harm to the children, the other contains fairly significant harm to the children. Being a victim all your life doesn't mean that you should keep your kids. If anything that makes the problem even worse, and makes it more likely that the children will grow up to enter abusive relationships...

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2019 19:47

If a mother is having rhe "shit beaten out of her", kids are not removed as the first option, social services try to work for the safety of the kids and the mother, and part of that, yes is not allowing rhe partner back into thr family home and round the kids. If the mother continues to allow back repeatedly the violent partner, and the violence continues then yes social services will act to protect the children.

That's not about class, or what you drink, or how much you smoke. It's about the fact children cannot be brought up in an environment where violence is prevalent in their home.

Social services don't take kids because you smoke, or because you prefer one tipple over another, or because you're a single parent, or because you're autistic.

They do take children for many other reasons, and yes one of them is continued domestic violence in the home. If a child is at risk, be it of harm, neglect, physical, emotional or both, then social services will act. But removing rhe child is the last option and only done if all other options have been exhausted and the break in the family bond is deemed much less damaging than leaving rhe child in that environment.