Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Social services trying to get my kids adopted

234 replies

Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:06

Please don't judge me I dont really have no one to talk to I've been going through a court battle since June last year foghti g to keep my kids and everytime the judge Sat's they don't meet the threshold I recently joined a dating website out of stress and boredom I started talking to a guy and invited him to my house ss found out and
Threatened to go back to court to get my kids into care my final hearing is 6 weeks away and I'm scared I will lose my kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofallboys · 01/04/2019 13:07

main concerns previous dv relationships parenting capacity then my son was constipated so this was used in court also my 5 year old son has witnessed dv and now has violent outbursts but I'm not pursuing getting him back

OP posts:
colehawlins · 01/04/2019 13:08

How many children do you have?

NWQM · 01/04/2019 13:12

@BorsetshireBlew surely it may if the OP gets something from it - even if it is only being heard. She is in a very lonely place right now.

SparklySneakers · 01/04/2019 13:12

You're not pursuing getting your son back? Have I read that right?

Original poster
Mumofallboys · 01/04/2019 13:14

my kids are in my care on Ico so I share responsibility with la have been to court many times due to concerns sw raised but judge found the threshold to have not been met as my kids basic needs are being met

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofallboys · 01/04/2019 13:16

yes it wasn't an easy decision to make but I'm trying to fight for the 2 in my care first

OP posts:
killpop · 01/04/2019 13:17

So you have three children - 5,2 and how old is the other one? Do SS have any concerns about the other one?

Original poster
Mumofallboys · 01/04/2019 13:19

7 months and no concerns

OP posts:
BorsetshireBlew · 01/04/2019 13:19

@NWQM by all means if posters offer a listening ear and don't try to give advice. But that's not how mumsnet works unfortunately.

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 13:20

Wait, your five year old was taken into care but you don’t want him back?

killpop · 01/04/2019 13:22

So social services have been involved since before you were even pregnant. Do you want to discuss that?

Hollowvictory · 01/04/2019 13:24

Ivana dont be horrible, she said she isn't persuing getting him back not that she doesn't want him back. Given he's been exposed to dv resulting in severe behaviour issues and violence it seems unlikely she'd get him back as he'll l need specialist parenting and the op needs a lot of support with the basics such as safeguarding.

LIZS · 01/04/2019 13:24

If there were no concerns you would not have support workers visiting twice a day. That is very active involvement in an attempt to keep your family together. Sad truth is that under 2s are more easily adopted than older children. They may be keen to avoid the more difficult situation your 5yo is already in. Having said that the fact that your younger dc have remained with you so far is positive. You should have had regular reviews and targets to monitor how you are coping and any changes required. Are you being represented and supported in court and at meetings?

PointlessUsername · 01/04/2019 13:24

my 5 year old son has witnessed dv and now has violent outbursts but I'm not pursuing getting him back

Why are you not pursuing getting back your 5yo DS?

colehawlins · 01/04/2019 13:26

my kids are in my care on Ico so I share responsibility with la have been to court many times due to concerns sw raised but judge found the threshold to have not been met as my kids basic needs are being met

So, if -IF- there is any SS nitpicking going on (rare, but no profession is perfect), it's not working. So far, judges are working out quite well for you.

What does your solicitor say about next steps, prospects of adoption and so on?

Was it your solicitor who advised you to concentrate your efforts I keeping your younger two?

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 13:28

@Hollowvictory I’m not being horrible.

I have been on OP’s thread asking questions to try and get a picture of what’s going on. It’s like trying to get blood from a stone, so I was trying to piece together what is happening to offer advice.

If you read it differently that’s fine but don’t assume people are being nasty. Hmm

Hollowvictory · 01/04/2019 13:31

Look she doesn't stand a cats chance in hell of getting the older one back does she and he is safer where he is. It's not good to suggest she persues getting him back, into an unsafe environment where she can't cope with his needs. Irresponsible and unkind.

Original poster
Mumofallboys · 01/04/2019 13:32

she has said to me not too worry too much about it so hopefully she will work hard as I have been working hard to make myself a better mum

OP posts:
iamthere123 · 01/04/2019 13:32

.

SparklySneakers · 01/04/2019 13:33

What do you think about the freedom programme OP?

Original poster
Mumofallboys · 01/04/2019 13:34

I have done it..

OP posts:
colehawlins · 01/04/2019 13:34

she has said to me not too worry too much about it so hopefully she will work hard as I have been working hard to make myself a better mum

Your solicitor said that?

So she thinks you are likely to get a better outcome than an adoption plan?

NoSquirrels · 01/04/2019 13:34

So, living with you is a 2 year old and a 7 month old baby.

You have a 5 year old in care.

All of the relationships with the fathers were abusive.

Last June you were still pregnant and that's when court proceedings began for the 2 DC living with you. That's when you left the relationship.

But then SS found your ex back in your house. They are sufficiently concerned to monitor your phone and send in support 2x a day.

You then went on to hook up with another guy on a dating site.

It seems pretty clear from the outside that your judgement around a stable home life for the children and putting them first and your needs second is the issue.

You need to see that. You need to believe it.

Who supports you in real life? You need an advocate. It doesn't seem clear to me that you grasp what the issue is and what you need to do.

colehawlins · 01/04/2019 13:36

Last June you were still pregnant

If she has a seven month old now, then of course she was pregnant last June Confused

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 13:36

Look she doesn't stand a cats chance in hell of getting the older one back does she and he is safer where he is. It's not good to suggest she persues getting him back, into an unsafe environment where she can't cope with his needs. Irresponsible and unkind.

I don’t know if that’s to me but I didn’t actually tell her to pursue getting him back.

Maybe read my posts more carefully before the lecturing?

Swipe left for the next trending thread