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Original poster

Social services trying to get my kids adopted

234 replies

Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:06

Please don't judge me I dont really have no one to talk to I've been going through a court battle since June last year foghti g to keep my kids and everytime the judge Sat's they don't meet the threshold I recently joined a dating website out of stress and boredom I started talking to a guy and invited him to my house ss found out and
Threatened to go back to court to get my kids into care my final hearing is 6 weeks away and I'm scared I will lose my kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:23

My kids were asleep and we only met once

OP posts:
flapjackfairy · 31/03/2019 21:24

So They are not trying to get your kids adopted. You are a long way from that. You must jump through any hoop they put in front of you even if you don't agree. Don't argue just comply. It is the only way to get them off your back . Just reiterate that you will do whatever it takes and then do it.
And yes give men a wide berth for now.

MadameAnchou · 31/03/2019 21:25

3 weeks I was in a dv relationship previously but we broke up and I have been under the microscope since

And you will be under the microscope for a very long time. You got bored and stressed and your first thought was a dating site and some random bloke. Honestly, if you get your kids back you'll need to exercise a lot of self control and learn to stop blaming other factors for your behaviour.

IvanaPee · 31/03/2019 21:25

The best way to show them it won’t happen again is to keep complying with them and show them that you can be trusted to make responsible decisions.

Even if it takes another year, or 5 years!

Your children are with you now so you can concentrate on being the best mother you can be.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 31/03/2019 21:25

Have you done the freedom programme? If not, ask SS about it. Keep emphasising how your only focus is making sure your kids are ok and doing well. That’s it, everything has to be about your children.

There is, I think! Another programme but can’t remember the name of it. Maybe others will know.

Original poster
Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:25

Yes of course it was a moment of madness I since deleted the app that I was using but they already want to get my kids adopted

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 31/03/2019 21:25

My kids were asleep and we only met once

Sorry so when he came to your house that was the first time you met him?

MyDcAreMarvel · 31/03/2019 21:25

No judge is going to remove your children for inviting a man round while your children were asleep. It was a stupid thing to do but you acknowledge that and will not repeat it.

IvanaPee · 31/03/2019 21:26

It seems very extreme that they want to adopt your children out based on being in a DV relationship!

Original poster
Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:26

Yes

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:27

Thanks I really hope so

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ILoveMaxiBondi · 31/03/2019 21:28

No they don’t want to adopt your children because of this one thing. We all know that’s not the reason. There will be far more you know about but aren’t saying.

LIZS · 31/03/2019 21:28

Do they actually talk about adoption specifically or is that your interpretation ? How old are dc?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 31/03/2019 21:29

Ok that put you at so much risk lovely. I know nothing happened and thank god but you need to show that you can be more aware of safety stuff. This is really understandable having left a DV relationship. You feel like you are under the microscope but I would be inclined to see that as a good thing for now as you can have some support with how to make these sorts of decisions and you'll all be safer.

Glad you're ok Thanks

Original poster
Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:30

I have one son in Foster care due to his behaviour they think my 2 year old will be out of control like his brother which he is not and also I've a diagnosis of autism which they say doesn't affect my parenting but I feel it does in some ways to do with emotional cues

OP posts:
MadameAnchou · 31/03/2019 21:31

A friend adopted a child who had been removed at birth due to DV in the home. The entire process took several years. The birth mother was given many, many, many opportunities to turn things round. So if SS is already at this point with your kids then there's more to this than you are telling us.

IvanaPee · 31/03/2019 21:33

Your son is in care because of his own behaviour or that of his dad?

Is this because they don’t think you can manage him?

It seems odd that they would make assumptions like that about a toddler, OP. Are they saying this to you directly?

Do you have access to your son who’s in care?

Filibustering · 31/03/2019 21:33

What do you mean, OP, that you have a son in foster care ‘because of his behaviour’?

NoSquirrels · 31/03/2019 21:35

How many DC live with you, as well as DS in foster care?

What have SS asked you to do to help reassure everyone you can put the DC first?

Have they specifically mentioned adoption or are you just worried that’s what’s happening? Do you understand your position - if not really, anyone IRL who can help and be there for you?

flapjackfairy · 31/03/2019 21:36

How do you know they are planning adoption. They would need to meet the threshold for a full care order first. Then prove the case for a placement order before they could even look for adopters. That all requires a massive amount of legal evidence and months of legal proceedings . So where abouts in the process are you at present. If your kids are with you there is time to turn it around.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 31/03/2019 21:36

What age is the child in foster care? How long has he been there and what are they saying needs the happen for him to come home. He can’t stay there indefinitely “because of his behaviour!” They have to have a plan to either get him home or remove him from you permanently.

LIZS · 31/03/2019 21:37

So there is more to this than a one off incident. If your elder ds is already in care was that before June or since? Have they offered parenting courses, Homestart, sport from relevant charities etc and do you take your dc to appointments, nursery as required? What are ss requirements of you, if you are not clear , perhaps due to your diagnosis, you need to ask.

Original poster
Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:40

My final hearing is in 6 weeks

OP posts:
Boysey45 · 31/03/2019 21:41

Whats the plan for the children? as part of the proceedings for the care order they will set out a plan.
What are they saying to you?

Original poster
Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:42

Adoption

OP posts:
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