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Legal matters

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Original poster

Social services trying to get my kids adopted

234 replies

Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:06

Please don't judge me I dont really have no one to talk to I've been going through a court battle since June last year foghti g to keep my kids and everytime the judge Sat's they don't meet the threshold I recently joined a dating website out of stress and boredom I started talking to a guy and invited him to my house ss found out and
Threatened to go back to court to get my kids into care my final hearing is 6 weeks away and I'm scared I will lose my kids

OP posts:

CoffeeRunner · 01/04/2019 13:37

From what you’ve said OP, I can understand why SS might have concerns about a strange man coming in to your DCs home at this point.

May I ask how the support workers help you? Are they there for you to talk to & ask advice from? Or are they coming to provide hands on support to the children? ie do they help with feeding, bathung, washing clothes, making bottles etc?

Drogosnextwife · 01/04/2019 13:38

OP I know some terrible parents (members of extended family), SW have been involved for years with one of the families in particular, in my opinion the children should have been removed a long time ago or been given to other family members to care for but they haven't. You are keeping things back, if you don't want to say that's obviously your choice but there is no point in posting looking for help but hiding the truth. You have been putting your children at risk and clearly social services feel that they are not safe in your care. How old are you?

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 13:41

Mum I think a PP was right. You’re unwilling or unable to paint a coherent picture and that’s absolutely your perogative, but nobody here can help you.

All I will say is I know you want to keep your babies but please do keep their best interests in mind.

Sometimes, the best we can do for our children is very, very hard.

cranstonmanor · 01/04/2019 13:46

Maybe you shouldn't seek a relationship before the you gest is 18 years old. It sounds like you are pretty shit at picking men and having your children safe with you should be more important.

MadameAnchou · 01/04/2019 14:16

You don't seem to be registering how your actions are making your home unsuitable for children so let's hope the court can do a better job. Sounds like you've already written off the eldest which is very sad. But again, you can't seem to stay away from men so it's no wonder SS is involved. I hope the court decides what is best for those children.

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2019 14:47

Op, is there another child? If social services have been in your life seven years this doesn't make sense if your oldest is five?

How many children do you have? Is it four or more?

SpidersWilliesOnYourFrillies1 · 01/04/2019 14:50

Op people can only give advice when you give the full story, that's your decision but slot of people will try and work it out themselves of they don't know what advice to actually give you.

I hope you get the advice you need

NWQM · 01/04/2019 15:16

OP - what would you like from this thread? Is there some specific aspect that it would help to talk through? Are you hoping for advice or just to test out how people might react to x?

killpop · 01/04/2019 15:25

What were social services involved with before you became a parent?

Original poster

Mumofallboys · 01/04/2019 15:30

Just wanted to see if anyone had been through or knows someone who has been through a similar situation tbh

OP posts:

MadameAnchou · 01/04/2019 15:32

But Mum, the answer is going to be no because you're not telling what your situation truly is, but obviously, it's very serious if SS has been involved for 7 years (not sure how that figures in with your having a 5-year-old, is there another, older child?), you've already had one child removed and you're facing a final hearing in a few weeks.

IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 15:35

Nobody knows your situation!

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2019 15:40

Op, sorry, again, how many kids do you have, either with you or elsewhere, as in, in total?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 01/04/2019 15:53

Just wanted to see if anyone had been through or knows someone who has been through a similar situation tbh

Quite possibly, but you've given so little detail that it's impossible to say, and anyone who asks anything is told they're "judging" which really they aren't

SparklySneakers · 01/04/2019 15:54

It seems we are all wasting our time here. Op we want to help but you're being obstructive so not sure what you want from this thread.

keenwasalad · 01/04/2019 15:55

Maybe OP is changing a couple of details for anonymity reasons? Hence the 5yo but SS involved for 7yrs?

NWQM · 01/04/2019 15:57

You might want to have a look at the forums on a website like www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/social-services-and-your-family/social-services-and-your-family/
I've not used them myself but know people how have or ask your support workers if their is a support group that they know of.

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 16:00

So this final hearing in 6 weeks is to adopt all 3 is it?

If they are put up for adoption, will you ever be able to see them again?

To be honest, if SS put a microscope on any one of us, not many of us would live up to their expectations.

The OP is autistic and is clearly struggling to communicate here. She has had two abusive partners and been a victim of domestic abuse. She sounds very vulnerable and while it's frustrating that she's not giving much information, can you at least recognise when you're posting that she's must probably an emotional wreck at this point.

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 16:06

OP have any of your children an autism diagnosis aswell? Do you get to see your son in foster care?

What do you find the most challenging thing about parenting? Is it managing their behaviour? It sounds like you are providing for them, meals and such. Do you find the support workers helpful? Would they consider milder measures where you could at least see them? I feel for you, it sounds like a bit of a nightmare and you're obviously emotionally vulnerable, hence the turning to men for comfort I guess. Being a single Mum is incredibly hard.

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 16:10

And can I just say that I'm sorry that life has dealt you such a shitty hand. Some of us don't have good upbringings, good education opportunities, stable work and a loving and supportive partner. That's the ideal and it does sound like you got the shit end of the stick.

I would strongly force the issue of being referred for counselling. Get the family support workers on this immediately - as in today. No matter what way the cat jumps in 6 weeks time, you are going to need intensive emotional support for yourself as if it is decided to have them forcibly adopted, all support for you will be withdrawn I expect and you might find yourself in a bit of a mess.

Filibustering · 01/04/2019 16:10

To be honest, if SS put a microscope on any one of us, not many of us would live up to their expectations.

That is entirely untrue. The bar for children 'having their basic needs met' sufficiently to stay with their birth family is pretty low.

Filibustering · 01/04/2019 16:12

OP, best wishes, but you are not going to get any helpful advice from the thread as you can't or won't give the full picture, and that's perhaps for the best, anyway, as it's only distracting you from what steps you should be taking in real life to attempt to rectify the situation so your children can stay with you, if that's still a realistic possibility.

Bluntness100 · 01/04/2019 16:13

Hence the 5yo but SS involved for 7yrs?

I don't think so, you'd just change both. I strongly suspect there is at least four children, if not more here, who are either with her, in foster care, or already adopted. Hopefully the op will confirm.

BoxyButGood · 01/04/2019 16:13

Maybe OP is changing a couple of details

More than a couple. There are massive chunks missing.

I totally agree with @BartonHollow

CosISaid · 01/04/2019 16:14

Well, SS dictating who I could let into my home while my children were sleeping would have me falling at the first fence right there @Filibustering

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