Social services trying to get my kids adopted

[Mumofallboys]

Please don't judge me I dont really have no one to talk to I've been going through a court battle since June last year foghti g to keep my kids and everytime the judge Sat's they don't meet the threshold I recently joined a dating website out of stress and boredom I started talking to a guy and invited him to my house ss found out and
Threatened to go back to court to get my kids into care my final hearing is 6 weeks away and I'm scared I will lose my kids

Sw just happened to walk in at the exact time your ex turned up at your house?

Truth is he had been visiting with your agreement and you were caught.

SS don’t “think” you can’t manage your toddler. You cant manage your toddler.

I can manage my toddler as I have support workers in my house twice a day and they tell me I'm doing fine so as I said please don't judge

I've been diagnosed autistic which doesn't help either so I'm trying to learn other ways what my children want

It doesn't matter what they want. You're not going to be judged on how much you give them what they want.

What matters is that you give them what they NEED, keep them safe and comfort them when they're upset.

Are you getting post-diagnosis support? Have you contacted the National Autistic Society?

I can manage my toddler as I have support workers in my house twice a day and they tell me I'm doing fine so as I said please don't judge

Then you are doing something else that is putting him at risk. SS don’t remove children that are at no risk.

Are the support workers there for the children op?

My mum had cases like these when she was a social worker. Women who claimed to be desperate to keep their kids and were given a tonne of support to do so but then gave access to their kids to violent exes, random strangers etc.
Main priority here is the safety of these poor poor kids who've suffered enough already

Then you are doing something else that is putting him at risk. SS don’t remove children that are at no risk.

There have been cases of SWs taking contentious positions on autistic parents before now. (Notably in Essex, but other LAs too).

I'm not saying this is one of those cases, but we don't know that it isn't, either.

Can’t you see how this appears to outsiders?

That might be where someone on the spectrum has a deficit.

OP what does your support and legal team consist of ATM?

Has all relevance of your autism been completely dismissed by the SW team?

Oh OP Please do the freedom programme. For your sake and that of your kids.
It's very difficult to help when you keep drip feeding. People want to help but you're only giving snippets of info when pushed.
I've got dreadful taste in men. All abusive to some degree. Emotionally. ExH was abusive in every possible way and SS have no concerns about the children spending time with him so SS must have grave concerns to be involved. I've decided to stay single. I'm happier that way. Luckily the kids weren't exposed to any of my other relationships but know all too well about their dad.
Please get help. Your GP can refer you for counselling.

I don't want to unnecessarily be harsh to the OP, but this process, even though I've never been on the receiving end of it, is one which I have a strong understanding of..

MYTH :

Social Services turn up on your door overnight and announce your kids are being removed and adopted

REALITY :

Long term intervention, multiple warnings, parenting plan, multiple safeguarding flags from other professionals such as schools

MYTH :

A child gets taken into care because of their own behaviour

REALITY :

A child gets taken into care due to parental inadequacy or incapacity to parent appropriately

MYTH :

"The Social" are unfairly discriminating against me for xyz are targeting me for no genuine reason and just want to take my kids

REALITY :

Social Services are overwhelmed with referrals and new ones every day, they have to prioritise with urgency based on imminent danger to the child, so if they are giving you a lot of attention it's because they have cause and not for shits and giggles or because they don't have something better to do.

I am sorry, I truly am, but if you want to keep your children you have to confront reality and start cooperating with them.

Really don't know what you mean by 'don't met the threshold' for foster care. It actually sounds as if you are currently being supported to look after your children. On a day-to-day basis they are saying you manage. This is good. It will feature in the report:

You have however indulged in very risky behaviour. You have had a one night stand whilst the children were in your care. You actively sort this one night stand via on line dating. This will also be on the report.

As a result you believe that social services will seek the courts permission to proceed with seeking an permanent new home (adoption) for your son the child in foster care. You seem to agree that you can not manage his behaviour and blame him.

They are also seeking to remove the children who live with you now into foster care with a view to again making this removal permanent.

Is this right? Your brief answers aren't helping anyone 'talk' to you about this.

I really can't imagine how painful and bewildering this is for you. But if you want any chance of keeping the kids you need to put all that to one side. Find the energy to work with social services. Build a good network by taking the kids to playgroups etc. If you have childcare think about doing a course that builds your life.

Courts are reluctant so give them reasons to be 'in two minds' about whether this is a good thing.

I agree about the Freedom Project, OP but start one now, this week, online or IRL.

I think as this has been going on for seven years, it's now reached the level of support workers having to come in twice daily and the final court case is in six weeks, and proceedings for permanent removal started last July, I'm really not sure what more can be done in the next six weeks to support the op, that hasn't been done in th last seven years.

It actually sounds like ss are doing everut they can to avoid adoption eg support workers twice a day. They're working really hard for you to keep the kids.

Support workers in twice a day sounds very unusual. Is that a long term arrangement?

Have you done any parenting courses?
Do you attend any children centre or home start parent and toddler groups?

There is obviously a lot more going on that you are not telling us which is you’re right. However it’s clear you don’t make good decisions and you need lots of support in making better decisions and making a good life for you and your kids.

Do you take up your full entitlements for your 2 year old at a local nursery? You can get 15 funded hours there. That could be 3 mornings a week or one full day and a morning. Get you both into a good routine and start the days well.

Where abouts are you based? There are lots of charities and support groups out there. Maybe some of us can signpost you.

Forget men- you’re not in a place where you can meet men. Spend time with other mum mates.

Your local library might have a story time you can access.

What about toddler groups?

Is there any drugs or alcohol involved OP?
If so, how long have you been clean and sober?
When you say you can't control your older boy, who has been removed, what things was he doing? Was he going to school every day?
Do you cook dinner for them and provide breakfast, lunch, snacks, clean their teeth, bathe them?

If you have had ss involvement for 7 years and already have one child in foster care then they must have explained to you many times what you need to do. What have they said to you?
You chose to bring a stranger into the home with your children,from ss point of view this is risky behaviour and you have form for bad relationships previously. However this wont be the reason they are threatening adoption. I imagine they have given you multiple chances over the last 7 years to change the situation.
Posters are trying to help but you need to tell the full story. Ss must have given you more information. What about your lawyer what have they said?

How long ago were you diagnosed?

Has autism ever been mentioned or considered in relation to your older boy?

I'm a social worker. This thread really isn't going to help. Nobody can give you proper advice as we don't know the circumstances. Advice could be actively unhelpful.
Do you have any advocate or support service for yourself?

I don’t understand how the children “don’t meet the threshold for foster care” but at the same time, the long term plan is for them to be adopted.

Have you not had any psychological assessments as part of the court process OP? Any counselling offered?