Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

Original poster

Social services trying to get my kids adopted

234 replies

Mumofallboys · 31/03/2019 21:06

Please don't judge me I dont really have no one to talk to I've been going through a court battle since June last year foghti g to keep my kids and everytime the judge Sat's they don't meet the threshold I recently joined a dating website out of stress and boredom I started talking to a guy and invited him to my house ss found out and
Threatened to go back to court to get my kids into care my final hearing is 6 weeks away and I'm scared I will lose my kids

OP posts:
redstapler · 31/03/2019 22:32

@DoesLittle surely you're not naive enough to think that we're getting the full story here?

grumpyyetgorgeous · 31/03/2019 22:35

What strikes me op is that you sound really lonely and I'd guess you're looking at dating as a way of relieving this a bit. Solo parenting is hard and very lonely, even when you're not under ss microscope. SS will look on it very positively if you show that you're trying to change so how about joining a local church or community group? Something where you can begin to form healthy relationships that will help your parenting rather than distract you from it. In my experience, if you show that you are willing to change then SS will support you. All they want is for your kids to be safe and well, they don't have a child snatching agenda.
Good luck Thanks

YogaWannabe · 31/03/2019 22:41

Do they have a family in mind for your DC or do they mean generally?
I know this might be hard to hear but if I had so much history with SS and had previously but my DD at risk, I would want to make the best choice for her-not for me.
If you truly believe you are the best choice for the children then fight tooth and nail and for god sake stay away from men before you avail of a couple of years intensive therapy and focus on your DC.

If deep down you believe your DC could be happier and safer elsewhere then that’s something you need to consider too.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 31/03/2019 23:00

Women’s aid freedom programme is of no relevance here,this,whatever it is,is beyond that
If this has professed as you say there will have been hearings,meetings,and an opportunity for representation
There isn’t no shadowy they. There is a statutory framework

liamhemsworthsrealwife · 31/03/2019 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

blue25 · 31/03/2019 23:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

C0untDucku1a · 31/03/2019 23:41

The need for counselling is urgent as you dont seem to realise inviting a man into your house who you have never met and do not know is very high risk behaviour.

grumpyyetgorgeous · 01/04/2019 06:30

The need for counselling is urgent as you dont seem to realise inviting a man into your house who you have never met and do not know is very high risk behaviour.

Whilst I agree that the op needs counselling I think that this is a bit unfair as op has stated several times that she has deleted the app and won't be dating again because she wants to be the best mum possible.

SimonJT · 01/04/2019 06:46

It is very very difficult for children to be removed from the care of their parents, my sons siblings were monitored for four years before finally being removed, they were neglected, physically abused and sexually abused, children are removed by the courts as a last result and when they have secure evidence, not on hearsay or a few cockups.

SS will have given you an action plan with targets to meet, are you currently carrying them all out?

Children aren’t placed into foster care due to their behaviour, children’s behaviour stems from how we raise them as parents, unless the child has an additional need. If SS realise you are blaming a child for their situation they may be worried.

Sometimes children with additional needs are placed in respite or residential care if their needs can’t be met in a home setting, but they wouldn’t be placed in foster care.

elizaishere · 01/04/2019 06:52

Oh wow ! Your trying to say your child was put into foster care because of his behaviour.

Those poor children, this is extremely sad.

colehawlins · 01/04/2019 06:56

OP can you tell us the whole story, from the beginning, in order?

Clutterbugsmum · 01/04/2019 07:07

Firstly you need to be honest with yourself about the real reason you are in this position and you know this is not because you had a stranger over.

Secondly you need to take responsibility for your own action which has led to SS involvement and what THEY have told you what YOU need to do to improve your home and family. This is the only way you can stop this action.

But while you are lying to yourself and not following advice you have been given then YOU will lose your children.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 01/04/2019 07:28

Op there is something you are not saying. SS take kids away if they are in physical or emotional danger. If you have stayed away from the person and cut contact with whoever was being violent to you, the SS will be supporting you to create a happy and safe environment for kids.
Having a bloke over you have never met onto your home is not a great choice. It begs the question about other choices you may be making

Prettyvase · 01/04/2019 07:29

Feel so sorry for the DC in cases like this.

lunar1 · 01/04/2019 07:36

SS never want to take children away if they can help it. There are children in terrible home circumstances because it's still deemed better than taking them away.

You need to jump through every hoop they set you, and no more strangers in you home-ever. It might not trigger a social service referral but it shows a shocking awareness of your ability to risk assess a situation.

MrsBertBibby · 01/04/2019 07:40

Women’s aid freedom programme is of no relevance here,

That's very wrong. Freedom Programme is all about helping women learn to make safe and respectful relationships. It is highly relevant to women whose children are impacted by DV. I would imagine OP has already been referred but if not, she should self refer. Here's the web page

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

SuperSange · 01/04/2019 07:45

There's a lot more to this than is being mentioned here, I'm sure. Poor bloody children, their welfare dependant on the whim of an adult who is unable to see the harm they cause.

ApolloandDaphne · 01/04/2019 07:49

As a social worker I am quite certain OP is not telling us the full story here. Social workers have to meet a very high threshold in court for adoption. The youngest child is still at home so I very much doubt adoption is being considered right now.

killpop · 01/04/2019 07:58

How often do you hear "social services put my kids in care and it was the right decision"? Very rarely... most parents with argue the decision.

Original poster
Mumofallboys · 01/04/2019 09:13

social services have been in and out for 7 years due to my past relationships

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 09:14

Relationships plural?

Original poster
Mumofallboys · 01/04/2019 09:15

my kids are happy and safe if I thought they were at risk I would call the police myself

OP posts:
IvanaPee · 01/04/2019 09:17

But you did put them at risk by inviting a man you’d never met into their home. Do you see that?

It’s your decisions that SS have an issue with, and they seem to indicate that you can’t see or don’t care about the danger you put your children in.

I don’t say that to have a go, I really don’t. But...

The children might be better off until your ex feeling more capable of being the parent they need. One child is already in care. Do you see him? Are you getting him back to live with you?

BoxyButGood · 01/04/2019 09:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SoHotADragonRetired · 01/04/2019 09:19

OP it's all very well taking the defensive position and swearing blind 'my kids are happy and safe' but the professionals assigned to assess and monitor that don't agree, do they?

What plan are you on? What have you actually been asked to do and demonstrate? What action are you taking to show you understand how you have ended up here? Because in this thread, you have obscured detail, avoided responsibility, downplayed issues, and blamed others, and that in itself will be evidence for SS and the courts that you do not understand your own role in how your children came to be at risk, and thus that they continue to be at risk.