Questions about breaching a CAO (with 'reasonable excuse')

[TheOrigFV45]

I did not take my son to the usual hand over to ex on Saturday as DS (9) did not want to go. He sat in school crying to one of the teachers, giving list of reasons he didn't want to go, some of which are emotionally abusive.

So I believe I have reason for breaching the Order.

Ex says he'll instruct his sol, but I'm wondering whether I should be
proactive and start proceeding with varying the order myself. The only reason I haven't done before now is because DS would not speak to any one other than me and I just could not face it. DS has given me the courage I need.

What happens if we both start proceedings?

I would put it all on paper, everything because if you ever need that information or help later on you have that to fall back on. If you do it at a later stage they may question why it is coming up then.

Also, if you want to deduct contact time they will want to know why. Explain you're worried this lower level abuse is worrying you and you believe this may become worse over time if it is not dealt with properly now.

It also backs up your reasons for stopping contact in the mean time.

I wouldn't do it as an urgent hearing it sounds like your son needs time to cool off and have some space. Also then CAFCASS can do a background check, and get the story off both sides.

I would be wary of offering contact outside of the court room with your exes history.

Thank you @Orlandobound

May I ask on what you base your advice on? I have some questions.

I asked this earlier: What does this "6a. Urgent hearing
Set out the order(s)/directions sought" mean? and @MrsBertBibby
kindly replied
"If you ask for an urgent hearing, rather than waiting 6-8 weeks while CAFCASS do background etc, you need to say why, and what you want the court to do at that urgent hearing, as opposed to what long term order you seek."

So, I have entered "I(theapplicant)aminbreachofthecurrentCAO." under "Set out the reasons for urgency" but still don't know what to put for "Set out the order(s)/directions sought"

And "What efforts have you made to put each respondent on notice of the application?"
He has already been informed that I am taking it back to Court, and I will tell him when I have actually sent the forms. Is that sufficient?

I realise 3 weeks have passed since I breached the Order. It has been very hard to complete form C1a. I've been spending an hour each evening doing it (I have a full time job and 2 kids so precious little down time as it is).

Nearly there though.

I have heard nothing from ex since last Friday. Nothing. DS2 is happier.

Glad DS is happier, hang on in there

I was basing my advice on 3 years in court myself representing myself over similar. I had a solicitor for a year beforehand but decided no one could argue it out better than me for my kids.

I wouldn't applying for urgent, chances are you won't get it and you're child obviously needs space from dad.

Orders sort - "child arrangements order, one that suits our child and not the parents."

On notice - no necessary for none urgent.

You aren't going to get into trouble for defending your Childs needs, don't fret. This sounds like the first time you've gone against an order and as long as you're clear it was for the benefit of your child you will be fine, they don't punish you for breaking an order of this sort unless you are relentlessly breaking them.

List the changes in your child in the application. "Timmy has responded well to less contact, he can concentrate in school better is less anxious and is talking about his feelings", for example.

Thank you Orlando

I am nearly ready to send the forms. I am still unsure about whether to apply for an urgent hearing.

Pros: acknowldgement that I am breaking CO.
School holidays are looming and DS2 is meant to be away with ex for first 2 weeks.
I am away travelling for work in 3 weeks time. I have childcare in place, but wonder if it would be good to try and formalise a new CAO before then.

Cons: Probably won't get one anyway (no physical harm yadda yadda).
Means full cafcass enquiry will happen.
More likely to end up with variation of order which really suits DS rather than an interim one while we sort things out (making this up...not really sure).

120 pages (4 copies). Ready to send.
England football team have entertained DS2 while I've been doing this.

Blimey!!!

In The Post. Thud.

In the end I opted for non-urgent hearing.

Thank you for all the help, it is very much appreciated.

The Court called and took my money.

Does anyone know how long I might wait to hear anything? It's gone to Chelmsford.

Does ex hear at the same time as me? Will he get a full copy of my application?

Should be a week, 2 at most.
Yes he will get copies.
Yes he will hear at the same time as you.

Thank you @MrsBertBibby

I am away for work on the 5th July so I hope I've heard by then.

Q. Will the courts want to see evidence of me doing what I can to encourage DS to see his Dad, or contact him?

Q. As mentioned, I am away with work next week. I had informed ex quite a while ago and he said he'd see what he could do regarding taking care of DS2. Never heard any more from him, but then all this kicked off so I've arranged childcare with others, one of whom is his estranged mother (that's a whole other thread!). Do I have a duty/responsibility to inform ex where DS2 will be? Should he be asking me? Is it enough to say I've taken care of it and not mention his Mum? He will have the number of a friend who will know exactly where DS2 is.

Q. School play. I will be away for it . Should I tell ex when it is? School should do most contact via ParentMail, but this was a letter in the book bag so he won't have seen it. I don't think DS2 will want his Dad there.

Forms came back today - just over a week.

Hearing is 3rd Aug. Not too long.

DS2 seeing ex tomorrow after school for a bit for the first time since 25th May. DS1 is going to be there.

@MrsBertBibby

Ex has txt telling me hearing clashes with his holiday so I need to ask for it to be postponed.

Is he entitled to contact the court himself and ask for a change in date (he's the named respondent)? If so then I shall tell him to do just that.

Do I have to every fucking thing? don't answer that

He needs to ask. Just trundle up to court yourself on the day. If he didn't bother to seek an adjournment he has only himself to blame if the court makes orders in his absence.

@MrsBertBibby ex says he can't adjourn hearing date w/o my consent. Is that right?

He needs to apply for an adjournment with evidence of pre booked flights.

You need to agree or not as you wish.

If it's pre booked you should agree.

But it is he who must apply.

You're quick!
Thank you. So he's lying? Twat.

Since ex told me I've scuppered his holiday plans due to court date, I can only assume he'll be there on the 3rd.

I have asked my solicitor if I can have an hour of her time on the phone. She hasn't got back to me yet. In the event she doesn't, can someone recommend where I could ask or look online to find out what I need to do before the hearing? Sure, I can google, but it's a minefield.

Should I send the letter the teacher has given me in advance of the hearing? Should I prepare a position statement?

I've just been in court today on similar grounds. To put it frank, the order wasn't varied as the judge didn't want to upset the contact we already have in place and I genuinely believed I had a good case regarding emotional abuse, but the judge didn't care as it isn't currently happening and things have improved, even though the ex does revert back, but they don't care. You can put an application in to vary the order if you want, but all in all, I would advise not to as the judge may not alter the current arrangements. Especially if he's anything like my ex and corrects his behaviours as soon as you apply to court.

This thread is over 5 years old. I doubt OP still needs advice on her situation.