Questions about breaching a CAO (with 'reasonable excuse')

[TheOrigFV45]

I did not take my son to the usual hand over to ex on Saturday as DS (9) did not want to go. He sat in school crying to one of the teachers, giving list of reasons he didn't want to go, some of which are emotionally abusive.

So I believe I have reason for breaching the Order.

Ex says he'll instruct his sol, but I'm wondering whether I should be
proactive and start proceeding with varying the order myself. The only reason I haven't done before now is because DS would not speak to any one other than me and I just could not face it. DS has given me the courage I need.

What happens if we both start proceedings?

Yes you should get an application to vary in asap.

Thank you.
Should I do this independently of any action my ex is taking?
What happens if we both make an application?

Are we required to do the whole mediation step with a variation?
nb mediation not required for divorce due to EA and he didn't respond to request to mediate for CAO.

God....I really don't want to do this all again

I will have to self-represent though may get my sol to read through some doc. I just can't afford this.

Can't get the application in until I've had the feckin' Miam meeting anyway.

Surrey mediation service will do a MIAM by phone or Skype. Then email the form. 24 hrs tops.

FV45, no advice here I’m afraid but I remember your original thread. I remember how lovely and gracious you were.
Think of this as the beginning of the end of knob heads control over you and your boy. KOKO

@MrsBertBibby

Thank you so much for your advice.
I was thinking it would be beneficial for me to use the same mediator as before as they have my records. Maybe they would sign the exemption w/o me having to attend?

Won't the service you mention encourage me to invite ex to mediate? That's what the last one did, though I did insist I would not wait 2 weeks for ex NOT to respond, just 1.

Thank you Fishface77

I'm just done in.

If you explain the situation, they will "do" you over the phone. Obviously they are keen to get people in but they understand that sometimes it just isn't practicable.

Your old mediator may also do this. Lots do.

Bibby
Thank you. I have just had a call back from Surrey mediators, and they were very helpful.

Does anyone know what happens if two parties eg me and ex, make an application to the court at the same time?
Mine will be to vary existing order and his will be to enforce existing one.

Should I just plough on? I don't want to spend any more money than I need to.

They will both be independently listed - with luck on the same day. The first to be heard will subsume the other application and they will both be heard together.

Yes, if you both apply the court may catch it and list both cases together, or list twice, and get rid of the second listed hearing on the first appointment.

Heh, fastest finger first.

Thanks both. Good that you both said the same thing.
I will try and get Skype miam today or tomorrow.
DS doesn't want to go to ex on his next contact day; tues after school. I just don't know what to do.

You must always try to persuade him to attend ordered contact. Will his dad collect from school?

Yes. He really doesn't want to go. Crying. He's told a teacher what he's scared of.

Believe me, it is not in my interests at all that he never sees his dad, I am trying to support my son.

So, I have a skype appt for Miam with Surrey mediators tomorrow.
I asked whether it would be a good idea to have a copy of the C100 from the existing Order as well as the Order itself. She pretty much said no, because it's more than 4 months old and this Miam is like starting from scratch.

I don't understand then, how on the basis of the call tomorrow the mediator will be able and willing to sign whichever part of the form needs signing (sorry....I don't have a copy here) which will enable me to complete the C100 and get in the post. Surely, he's just going to encourage me to invite ex to mediate - or at least ex has got to be given a chance, no? I mean, he'll just have my word to go on. I have until 10am to cancel the appt and get my money back. HELP!

Because you will say "I am not against mediation but I am breaching a court order, I need to get this into court yesterday, and I know my ex refuses to mediate" and he will say "right you are, mediation unsuitable, if he agrees to mediate later, you know where to find us" and send the form.

Mediation is not compulsory. Doing a MIAM is. Of course they want people to come to mediation, bug they also know sometimes it isn't the right thing.

Thank you (again!).
10am tomorrow then. Bring It On.

DONE. The form should be with me this morning so I can go ahead and complete C100.
Mediator said I was doing everything right so far (involving school, talking to solicitor and keeping my son safe).
Haven't heard anything from ex's sol.

Well done.

I have some questions about C100. Could someone help me?

Will ex see my completed form?

1. Concerns of risk of harm.
   I don't know whether to tick 'child abuse' or 'other safety or welfare concerns' or both.
   I believe that DS being exposed to certificate 18 films, being shouted at and generally being scared is child abuse, but what's the line?

2. Additional information required
   Are there previous or ongoing proceedings for the child.
   This is the hearing which put in place the existing CAO, yes?

3. Parenting Plan
   Is this a specific thing or does it just refer to the existing arrangements we have?

4. Urgent hearing
   I am breaching the CO, is this grounds for an urgent hearing? While DS is with me I am not concerned about his safety.

5. Who does the child currently live with.
   The existing Order states "The child shall live with the Applicant Mother', but he spends (or spent) 40% of his time with his Father. Is the term Live With a formal legal term ie I put me, or do I take it literally and put both?

6. Should I include a copy of the existing Order with my application?

Thank you