Can they take my baby away

[saraheve]

HI i really need some advice, my 9 year old son was taken into care due to depression i was unable to keep on top of housework, I was binge drinking on weekends and I was in a unhappy relationship with childs farther, since my son has been taken into care I have attended therapy, hired a cleaner, attended a parent recovery group, relapse prevention group and took parenting courses. I am 8 months pregnant due to give birth very soon, I was given a prebirth assessment that said social services will go to court if they see that babys needs are not being met, unborn baby is on child protection and on the plan it says the same, yet social services say they want to take me to court? I was told their is no present concerns and I have addressed all previous concerns yet they want to still take it to court based on pre historic. I have so much evidence of significant changes yet they want to keep me in hospital once baby is born and have a discharge planning meeting where they may take baby away. Have they got any grounds since I have made significant changes and their is no present concerns. I am very devastated please can somone advise me? Thanks.

Here it is - denial and shifting blame. I thought that wasn't far behind.
I'm a social worker and I've tried to give you clear advice and explain processes when other posters were telling you things that were confusing or wrong. I'm not sick and I don't lie.
A judge found that you had caused significant harm to your son. The best predictor of the future is the past. Your son was only placed under a full care order 6 months ago!
You have to honestly accept your previous deficits in order to address them. I think you're very far away from doing that.

If I caused significant harm to my son. Why does he still want to come home and why does he say im the best mummy in the world

Children tend to love their mums no matter what. There are lots of reasons why a child would feel that way despite being abused or neglected. That's not an indicator that you didn't cause him harm.

You seem to be going back to blaming SS for the way that your life has turned out Sara and let's be fair, it's nothing to do with SS.
They would not of taken your son into care if they didn't think that he was in harms way, or not being looked after properly.

I have said before, I wish you luck in court but your previous comment has me raising my eyebrow a little. SS don't think they are mystic meg they are bothered about you keeping your baby in case they back off and you slip back in to the lifestyle you chose before SS where involved. Which could happen despite your arguing it never would, I'm sure your a brilliant mum to your baby but the way you are going about all of this seems childish. It's all okay doing what you are doing because you know your being watched, but it will be easier to slip when your not.. we don't and SS don't know if your just putting on a show, I know that sounds horrible but In your situation you only have your self to blame.

And as for the comment about wishing they didn't exist in the world, if they didn't there would be a lot of children probably dead or in very bad conditions and situations if they didn't. They do a lot of good in this world & I can't see them being able to exaggerate the truth as a case always has to go by evidence.

Sorry about the negitive messages im just fed up with ss being in my life and I miss my son very much.

It is possible that neither you nor your ds recognise the damage yet, sw have seen the longer term effects of difficult situations and upbringings in other cases. That is entirely different from him wanting to come home and expressing his love. Potentially you have a self destructive sense of love which could be unhealthy and even codependent. It does seem as if you see the requirements to satisfy ss as a tick box exercise, maybe due to your sn, rather than trying to establish a natural way of life.

Sara the SS are going to be around whether the court case goes in your favour or not, they are not just going to drop the case if the judge rules that you are in a good place and can keep your baby. So in your case your probably best getting used too it, the negative comments and blaming them for everything is doing you any favours because it's just showing people that you haven't changed and are going to continue blaming SS rather than yourself.

Ok I accept that. Ime just missing my son alot today.

When did you last see him Sarah? Has he met the baby?

The fact that your son loves you and wants to come home means jack all , I have a friend who fostered and at one point she had a family of children who had all been sexually and physically abused at home , they all still loved their parents and were desperate to go home ( and indeed did so when they reached the age they could) . Your DS will not appreciate what a shit childhood he had with you until he is much ,,much older - and it must have been pretty bad for him to be taken away and for contact to be reduced . I'd love to be supportive of you but I'd rather be supportive of your children and frankly you sound delusional about what has happened and your part in it .

Sarah I'm not a specialist just have experience of dealing with someone with mh problems and your most recent comments seem to suggest some paranoia and it may be worth discussing with your gp. If your mental health has deteriorated then it will make it harder for you so see if you can get some help.

Sarah, you said before you fed him his favourite foods always did fun things. That n be just as damaging if school weeer reporting him falling asleep in class for exampl if you let him stay up as late as he wanted, not bath if he didn't want to, eat only favourite foods/sweets etc. That is a different form of abuse where you might still genuinely think you were being the best mum.
The way you have started posting today seems to be as if you have joined some anti-SS groups / SS are baby stealers groups.

Like a previous poster said, you can be a terrible abusive parent and children still want to return, it's just what happens. Something major or unchanging must have happened for the care order and for them to reduce your contact and to be visiting you twice a day.

In the nicest possible way I hope things work out, but you seem to think you've done nothing wrong regarding your son and SS are all bad.

HI YouWillNotSeeMe your right. Boundaries was a issue I thought I was being a good parent. But I realise now implementing boundaries are important i have learnt this. It wasn't all bad though and I gave him some very good memories holidays days out. Love and affection. The foster carer said he always talks about the good times we has. So his childhood wasn't totally shit. I know he will always remember we had a lot of good times and I love him very much as I constantly told and still tell him. I can't wait to have more good memories in the future. I messed up I became mentally unwell and dealt with it badly. Ss are worried about me repeating the mistake but I'm confident I won't as I've come a long way. Yes I have read about anti ss groups and sometimes don't know what to believe. I'll just have to carry on doing my best and proove I can be a better mum. I'm doing some wallpapering now while babys asleep. Im just feeling bit stressed today as u miss my son and want ss out my life. But the stress isn't going to make me relapse like they predict I will do.

If I caused significant harm to my son.

Sarah, there is no 'if' about it.
Your DS would not have been taken into care unless you and/or exP caused him significant harm or if he was in danger of suffering significant harm in your home.

A judge agreed that the evidence presented by SS was compelling enough to take what everyone recognises to be a very drastic measure.

Alright for goodness sake she gets it! She has alert acknowledged her previous mistakes and implemented the changes needed to improve herself! She doesn't need a bunch of strangers on the internet sticking the boot in Math. Which is exactly exactly what you are doing!

sara you really need to work with the SW. All those anti social services story's and groups are a load of shite.

I've said this before but I have had MH problems in the past. If SS were evil baby snatchers my blonde haired blue eyed DD2 would of been a prime target. I have never had anything but support of children's services.

(She looks like an angel but she's bloody not)

How are you feeling? Contact three times a week must be taking it out of you. Are you expected to take your DD and bring her back from it?

I really hate how certain posters just get bashed on repeatedly by certain other posters ...

Yes she fucked up
She knows
She's trying to make things better for her DC
She's not denying she did anything wrong

Sarah - do listen to gallavich.

I am also concerned about your latest posts. SS are not all about presentation & how things look (we have holes in our walls - our SW couldn't care less) - they are always about assessing risks to a child. That's it. If the house was in such a mess that SS said it was a hazard then yes that needed to improve & stay improved but they will be more concerned about your understanding of what equals a risk to a child & your understanding of what is an acceptable level of cleanliness & tidiness. It's not about them thinking only pristine is good enough or them assuming things must be fine if the house is spotless. It's just part of a bigger picture.

Please don't buy into the evil child snatcher stories or start thinking they want to trip you up and wait for you to make a mistake so they can snatch your baby. That's not how they work. As you know a 2 week old baby is very vulnerable - they are just worried that she is at risk. They're not trying to get at you or have a go. They're not thinking in tees if whether you 'deserve' a baby - they're just trying to protect her.

Sara what is your house like? Is there any mess or DIY needing doing?

I'm really not asking in a nasty way just to see if there is anything you could use some help with.

Unless it's a health hazard or part of a wider picture of concern they're really not fussed about DIY or a non-perfect house. In fact a super tidy spotless house can also be a concern to SS - if it means someone is more obsessed with the house than the child.

It doesn't need to look like something from a homes magazine - it just needs to clean enough to not be a risk & safe.

Devillish I was thinking maybe anything that could be classed as dangerous. Exposed wires or such. I have a hole in the wall myself courtesy of ex-p.

I could be wrong I'm only going off my limited experience.

Thanks GotToGetMyFingerOut your very right.
Hi UnbornMortificado my flat is in a better state than its ever been in. Tidiness was a previous concern and their worried I won't be able to keep it up. But so far it's been in a good state I was up late last night waiting for baby to sleep so I can wallpaper. Yes I take baby to contact centre 3times per week but my dad has been picking her up so I can still attend my groups and therapy. Nothing drastic has happened since son was taken only things have improved so I'm just a bit fed up that ss still want to take drastic measures. And some things they wrote in their report is not true, like I am constantly telling my son he will come home soon which I don't. I'm going to get contact notes to proove this. And I only see my son 6 times a year which I see him monthly. I don't think I could handle 6times a year I have a strong attachment to my son is miss him very much. I know I sound like I'm sw hating but I'm just getting fed up. Especially the fact baby is very looked after by me. And it's such a joy to look after her even when in half asleep

She's only a few weeks old though Sarah - you have to be realistic about how long they are going to be involved for.

You're going to have a social worker for at least 9-12 months but it won't always be as intensive as it is now. They will drop back on supervision if they feel confident in you but that will take time.

I think that you have to accept that they need to be around. I hear you saying that your baby is being well looked after but it's not very long ago that your oldest child was very much not being looked after. SS have to have the safety and well being of both of your children at the forefront of their decisions, as, harsh though this sounds, you proved with your son that the safety and well being of your children isn't always at the centre of yours.

I'm lucky enough to have her with me now. She loves lying on my chest I have really bonded with her. Ss tell me they want to see im bonding with her yet have the intention to remove her from me this Friday. I don't get it why want to see me bond if they want to take her away. Even if they do take her I know it will be temporarily untill they do their assessments, parenting and psychological assessments. But it will still hurt. I will do my best to prevent it if the worst happens I'll do my best to get her back.