Can they take my baby away

[saraheve]

HI i really need some advice, my 9 year old son was taken into care due to depression i was unable to keep on top of housework, I was binge drinking on weekends and I was in a unhappy relationship with childs farther, since my son has been taken into care I have attended therapy, hired a cleaner, attended a parent recovery group, relapse prevention group and took parenting courses. I am 8 months pregnant due to give birth very soon, I was given a prebirth assessment that said social services will go to court if they see that babys needs are not being met, unborn baby is on child protection and on the plan it says the same, yet social services say they want to take me to court? I was told their is no present concerns and I have addressed all previous concerns yet they want to still take it to court based on pre historic. I have so much evidence of significant changes yet they want to keep me in hospital once baby is born and have a discharge planning meeting where they may take baby away. Have they got any grounds since I have made significant changes and their is no present concerns. I am very devastated please can somone advise me? Thanks.

Thanks memyselfandaye, I'm overdue pregnant and worrying and getting stressed is not good for baby and me showing I can be the best mum I can be. Good news they have not drastically reduced contact that was previously planned and I see my son every 3 weeks. He also is coming to hospital after I give birth. They want foster children to feel as settled as possible in their placements. And I want him to feel happy where he is too dispite him missing me. Im happy I have legal support and more support in general now and all previous concerns no longer exists. It doesn't matter if anyone on hear believes that or not I have a load of evidence and my solicitor says if I carry on the good work I can go back to court in a few months for my son. So that gives me hope. I'm a better person now I wasn't a bad person before I just made wrong choices clouded by my depression. Theraphy and right support that I never had before has really helped. I can't wait for baby to come and never want to go back only forwards. No point worrying as if im doing everything right I can't give up. And I've become a better mother for it. X

Farmerswife1984 im not trying to fill the void, I never once even thought that. Noone can Replace my son and we're still very close. He is as excited as I am. Ss previous concerns no longer exist and this is permanent as im happier and a better person since I changed my life around.

I hope you get chance to prove you can be an amazing mother to your new baby and your son. Just keep going, keep doing the right things and stay clean and safe.

I'm not going to worry or get stressed from outher people's opinions. I know im doing the best I can, and both my children are going to know their loved by me. I know this and know myself. I know I am doing well.

Farmer your a midwife? Really?

Scary thought.

Thank you HelenaGWells I am going to do the best I can im excited to see my baby and I know I can keep changes up as I never want to make same mistakes again anyway. My son is excited to see his sister which makes me more excited. I'm a better person now I've learnt from my mistakes. If ss do try and take baby away I won't give up as I have a lot of evidence. My son will finally return to me if I carry on with the changes I've made that I plan to. I love my children and this baby isn't to fill a void. She's going to be very loved like my son is. I can't get stressed or down by negitive remarks as my mental health will be monitored in hospital and right now I feel excited and hopeful for the future xx

From the legal advice i have and the research I've done ss are more likely to take baby away if parent has not acknowledged concerns and have not addressed ss concerns. I will be monitored but that's OK because I will show I am being a good mummy and always putting them first.

Their also has to be a imidiant risk to take a baby from hospital. I guess that's why they want to monitor my mental health after I give birth. I don't think they would tell me they want me to bond with baby or bring my son to see baby if this is what they were planning. Ss said if they go to court it doesn't mean they will take baby it could mean they can get a supervision order or put me in a mother and baby unit. If the worst did happen I will still carry on with the changes I've made not just to prove to ss but to be the best mum I can be when I do see them. I am doing my ultimate best and hoping for the best but also planning for the worst. No point me worrying as this won't change anything.

Farmerswife rtft she already said why.

If you're ready for a bit of scrubbing on the kitchen floor. It will help to take your mind of things and bring on labour.

Don't read their posts they are just trying to be nosy. They forget this is meant to be a supportive website.

Thanks HorridHenryrule all I can do is my ultimate best. I believe someone should be given a chance if they have changed and not even wanting to go back. I will try scrubbing the floor it might be difficult getting back up though

You've certainly started to make a lot of changes which you should be proud of but I fear that from a SS point of view, change doesn't happen overnight and for them, they need to be sure that long term you are going to be able to cope and not relapse. They're not suddenly going to say "oh you've done these programmes, that's ok then, here's your kid back, mind how you go".

I can see too how they'd be concerned about your ex being around (especially at the birth) even if he is the kids father. It sounds as if he could sway you back to your old ways quite easily even if you've done other things like "get a cleaner". I'd suggest that you need to show continued cooperation with them and prioritise your kids above everything and anything else. This includes seeing their dad just because he's their dad. It has to be completely in the kids interests fir this to happen, not because 'he's got a right to see them'. It might also be a concern that his mum will look after the baby when you do your programmes as he may come into contact then and you wouldn't be there to keep an eye.

I'd also suggest that you do your best not to get worked up or upset when people criticise or offer advice or suggestions (even here on MN) as that could be seen by SS as being a bit in denial about the seriousness of the situation and unwilling to look to the future or to accept the need for continued change.

Nevertheless, I wish you the very best of luck. It must be an incredibly stressful time but it sounds like there are positives you can take from the situation.

I fully do see the need for permanent change and feel so much better for it. Ss know me and my ex are broken up but say they want to see were getting on and ex is being supportive. It's going to take a year to show change is being sustained. It's already been a few months. It's not like I get upset about the negitive comments because I'm not accepting the seriousness or accept the need for continued change I fully do. It's just some bad comments are just totally wrong in what their saying. And im not gonna listen to false information I rather listen to my solicitor who knows the case well and is very happy with me at mo. Even the social worker told me previous concerns no longer exist. I know their worried about me relapsing but I know I won't as I've come to far.

I wish you , your son and new baby well. I apologise if my comments came across as harsh . What I was trying to get across is that ss don't just remove children from their mothers without very valid reasons. It's very good that you are making the necessary changes and working with ss . Please accept my sincere apologies for coming across harsh. I wish you and your family well

It's OK Farmerswife1984 their are some cases worse than outhers, and it's the worst people usually hear about. Some people think all cases must be the same. If wasn't always perfect in was ill. But very determined now to carry on with my recovery. Thank you.

Hi @saraheve just wondering if you had had the baby yet? Been thinking of you and wish you all the best for the future. Fingers crossed you get your family back together one day.

Thank you so much, no baby is over a week later. I think she is too comfortable. I'm going to be induced in Thursday. X

Bloody hell, Good Luck for Thursday I can't imagine your very comfortable

Thanks UnbornMortificado I am very uncomfortable, when I sleep when I walk even when I sit down and I feel tired all the time. It's nice being pregnant but it's time to come out now. I can't wait to see her, I'm a bit annoyed ss are taking me to court after babys born. But I'm keeping my side of the street clean. In fact I'm going to a relapse prevention group now even though I'm over due. X

Sara I think doing that relapse prevention group will do you the world of good.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/substanceaddictionn_/2822263-cold-turkey-help-me-when-i-m-tempted

That's just a link to a support thread on addiction. If your ever feeling low and can't get out to a group it could help knowing your not the only person who's gone through it.

What are they taking you to court for?

Care proceedings.
Sarah, please remember that care proceedings don't always result in children in care. If they want an interim care order that could be with you on a parent and baby placement. That's really what you need I think.

Good luck for Thursday! I hope you have a straightforward and quick birth.

Have you got a court date yet?

Thanks I hope I can stay with baby. I don't mind if im watched or supervised as it will give me a chance to show I can do it. As long as I'm not separated. Your right the social worker said it doesn't mean I'll loose baby if I go court they might get a supervision order. So hopefully everything will go well x