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Original poster

Can they take my baby away

844 replies

saraheve · 06/01/2017 00:23

HI i really need some advice, my 9 year old son was taken into care due to depression i was unable to keep on top of housework, I was binge drinking on weekends and I was in a unhappy relationship with childs farther, since my son has been taken into care I have attended therapy, hired a cleaner, attended a parent recovery group, relapse prevention group and took parenting courses. I am 8 months pregnant due to give birth very soon, I was given a prebirth assessment that said social services will go to court if they see that babys needs are not being met, unborn baby is on child protection and on the plan it says the same, yet social services say they want to take me to court? I was told their is no present concerns and I have addressed all previous concerns yet they want to still take it to court based on pre historic. I have so much evidence of significant changes yet they want to keep me in hospital once baby is born and have a discharge planning meeting where they may take baby away. Have they got any grounds since I have made significant changes and their is no present concerns. I am very devastated please can somone advise me? Thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
saraheve · 17/01/2017 22:18

No baby is late, I will be induced if she isn't hear by the 26th. I'm excited but scaired of labour at the same time x

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 17/01/2017 22:37

Second ones are supposed to easier then the first. Or so I've heard.

DD2 didn't get that memo Hmm

mathanxiety · 19/01/2017 20:35

Why did you tell social services about the conflict between you and ex?

What was happening that made you think social services would be helpful?

What would happen on each occasion you told SS?
What problem or problems did you identify and talk to them about?
What did they say each time?

Crazylou · 19/01/2017 21:43

They can't just take your newborn a family member was in the same circumstances and she's got to keep her child because she proofed the social workers she's a good mum, she had loads meetings and she got reviewed monthly to make sure things were going ok

Gallavich · 19/01/2017 22:57

They can't just take your newborn

Why say something like that? They can, and they do. Whether they will take the op's baby into care I cannot say, but it's something that definitely happens.

Original poster
saraheve · 20/01/2017 08:48

Thanks Crazylou
It's good to hear your family member was allowed to continue to prove to ss that she can do it, I hope she is doing well now.
Your right theirs more chance they will take baby away if their has been no change of previous concerns, and if I didn't have a insight into past concerns. But I have a lot of proof that I have changed things around. And their is no immediate risks or concerns now. My solicitor is on to it. X

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 20/01/2017 08:55

sara how are you feeling? Not long to go now. Hope your DS is well also.

Original poster
saraheve · 20/01/2017 09:00

HI mathanxiety I told ss conflict with my ex as at the time i trusted them and I felt isolated and alone with the situation. I told them he will be asking me for money all the time for cannibis and beer and refuses to leave my home and I have nowhere to go. Each time I will tell ss they will close the case. Then due to depression and aurguments anouther social worker will come round a year later or so. This is a thing of the past and is not a concern now, my ex has finally moved out and we get along better than before. In fact ss say they want to see us get along and im only allowed to have contact with my son with him their. So the ex behaviour didn't bother them only me. I made a lot of mistakes of drinking and smoking cannabis, but I'll never go back

OP posts:
Original poster
saraheve · 20/01/2017 09:05

Hi UnbornMortificado im almost a week overdue and im feeling really uncomfortable. I've been feeling very tired and a bit sick. Im ok today I just can't wait till she's finally hear. I love her already. I know I was scared ss will take baby away but I've decided not to worry as im doing everything I can to proove I have addressed their concerns. And I will prove to them im a good mummy. Can't wait to take her out places and do baby massage. My son is excited to x

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 20/01/2017 09:35

I think that's very sensible. Worrying won't change anything and won't do you or your DD and good.

No one on here has a crystal ball and can tell you what will happen. I do actually really hope you get a chance to prove yourself.

Whatever happened or didn't happen 5 months sober and mentally stable is a massive achievement that you should be proud of.

Hopefully she comes soon and saves you anymore discomfort.

Original poster
saraheve · 20/01/2017 09:56

Thanks UnbornMortificado your right.
You know what it's like I feel like I've got 7pounds weight strapped strapped around my belly. Grin I was scared of the pain now she's over due I can't wait to go into labour. I got some really nice clothes for her, can't wait xx

OP posts:
Original poster
saraheve · 20/01/2017 09:56

Thanks for your advice and support UnbornMortificado xx

OP posts:
UnbornMortificado · 20/01/2017 10:30

Anyone can fuck up. I'm not proud of some stuff my own DD's have had to go through in relation to my own MH issues.

Shit parents usually don't accept that they've been shit parent.

Original poster
saraheve · 20/01/2017 14:13

Yeah it's about learning from your mistakes. Using mistakes as a tool not to go back. I feel so much better for it now. X

OP posts:
HorridHenryrule · 20/01/2017 18:43

You could get on your hands and knees and scrub the kitchen floor. I did that as a last resort I was 42 weeks and lucky for me it worked. Some thing to try.

Sunnysarah1234 · 20/01/2017 19:08

I hate these kind of posts, because everyone always thinks of the OP and how great it is that they've manage to change for a brief period of time. But, what about the baby? If you couldn't change for your other child, why would you be inclined to do so now? Maybe your baby would be better off with a family that would appreciate, love and protect them.

I say this not to be mean but because I've been there, I was raised by an unstable mother and it was hard. Children aren't toys, your actions will effect them their whole life.

NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler · 20/01/2017 19:12

Good luck saraheve I've had ss involvement due to situations caused by my mh. I turned my life around. I'm hot proud of who I was, or how things were for my dc. But you can do this Smile

Original poster
saraheve · 20/01/2017 21:27

I am able to give my baby love and care. And i havnt changed for a brief period of time I've recovered from my depression ect and changed permanently and proving this. Noone can judge but if I've made mistakes, Learnt from it and become a better person out of it why shouldn't I be given a chance. And I have changed for both my children. I wasn't a bad mum just made bad choices and was ill. But I've had more help and support now than I ever had before. And me and my son are still very close. Why would my baby be better off somewhere else when I've recovered and social services admit that I've changed and thease changes are permanent not brief.

OP posts:
Original poster
saraheve · 20/01/2017 21:34

Sunnysarah1234 you have no idea. It's best not to judge because your wrong. My changes are not brief I was ill before and made wrong decisions but I have learnt and changed permanently. I never said my kids are toys and never once looked at them like that. Me and my son are still very close. The baby won't be better off somewhere else. You don't know me. It doesn't matter what you think. I am a better person because I've learnt from my mistakes thank you very much Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
saraheve · 20/01/2017 21:42

I'm not unstable thank you very much and saying why would i be inclined to change now. I've already changed and not willing to go back. Months of theraphy. And being in recovery has helped. People can change permanently of they open their eyes and use their mistakes as a tool to never go back. I have looked at my children as toys. Anyone that knows me personally knows the truth I am a very loving mother. Me and my son still have a loving and close relationship.

OP posts:
Farmerswife1984 · 20/01/2017 21:45

I'm sorry this is happening but ss don't just take a child from its mother without a very good reason. I am a midwife and deal with ss regularly. you are clearly with holding information as to why your 9 year old was removed. Also if you were cooperating as you say you were why have they reduced access further ??? This story does not add up

Farmerswife1984 · 20/01/2017 21:48

I too suffered severe depression ( phycosis after birth) but ss never once intervened or was mentioned. May I ask why ss became involved during your depression?

memyselfandaye · 20/01/2017 21:50

Sunnysarah You were'nt trying to be mean? You failed, horrible post.

memyselfandaye · 20/01/2017 21:53

OP does not have to give a load of strangers on the internet any more information than she feels comfortable with.

Farmerswife1984 · 20/01/2017 22:01

I agree with sunnysarah tbh. Another child won't fill the void from losing your son. Ss don't just take kids away . There is obviously much bigger reasons than op is telling us . I work with ss daily so am going from experience .