Can they take my baby away

[saraheve]

HI i really need some advice, my 9 year old son was taken into care due to depression i was unable to keep on top of housework, I was binge drinking on weekends and I was in a unhappy relationship with childs farther, since my son has been taken into care I have attended therapy, hired a cleaner, attended a parent recovery group, relapse prevention group and took parenting courses. I am 8 months pregnant due to give birth very soon, I was given a prebirth assessment that said social services will go to court if they see that babys needs are not being met, unborn baby is on child protection and on the plan it says the same, yet social services say they want to take me to court? I was told their is no present concerns and I have addressed all previous concerns yet they want to still take it to court based on pre historic. I have so much evidence of significant changes yet they want to keep me in hospital once baby is born and have a discharge planning meeting where they may take baby away. Have they got any grounds since I have made significant changes and their is no present concerns. I am very devastated please can somone advise me? Thanks.

You can complain but I can see why you don't want to rock the boat. It's bound to be upsetting not seeing him by yourself

How is the pregnancy going?

I know you suspect she might come late with your DS being overdue but it doesn't always work like that.

Agree with horrid about sticking close to the solicitor. He's your best chance of getting anything resolved.

Is it a non-molestation order that your solicitor has recommended in the past?

Please follow this recommendation if so. Once the order ins in place SS will have to sing a different tune about joint contact.

You are dealing with a very aggressive man who is a danger to you even if he is not living under your roof.

I spoke to my solicitor and he said it's due to funding why their putting the contact togeather. His going to talk to them and try and get it changed. I just live in hope

Hi Saraheve, sorry I haven't read all the thread but felt I couldn't say nothing.
I am a foster carer and have a little boy with me who is long term fostered. He is 9 and has been with me since he was 4 he has autism and ADHD.
It breaks my heart when I hear that you have autism as I think this, also ADHD is the problem with his parents. These conditions were not recognised much until recently and many people self medicate with drugs and alcahol and then find they cannot look after their children.
His contact has been reduced to 6 weekly.
The good thing is I have developed a good relationship with mum so I can now do supervised contact and we can go for days out together so his time with mum is much more enjoyable.
Try and form a good relationship with his carer and then things will be more favourable for him to return in the future. Even if it is just for weekends or school holidays. It may be better for him to be in a stable safer environment at the moment and he may hopefully be getting better opportunities.
If I were in your situation I would definetly completely sever all contact with your ex.
Good luck. X

Thanks Cassimin I would like to form a relationship with the carer but I never get to talk to her as the contact information have with my son is in a contact centre and when she drops him off I am told to stay in the contact room. I very much want to discharge the order in the future but I would still like my son to have contact with the carer as he has got to know her as auntie and formed a good relationship with her. I will love to spend time all togeather but at the moment ss are not making this possible. Contact is once a month in a contact centre. Thanks

Sarah just remembered it's your due date. How are you feeling? Any niggles yet?

Hopefully you are feeling a bit more positive after speaking to your solicitor.

Sorry that you are going through all this.

Can I ask, have you had SS involvement for a while before your nine year old was taken into care ? If so, did you have times where things got better but then relapsed? This is the kind of things SS look at when deciding how long constitutes sustained change. IME, they want at least 6 months of change so you may be okay, but if there have been slips in the past they are less certain change will be sustained!

Unless things have changed it was discouraged from foster carers having direct contact with birth parents or continuing contact after the child was returned or placed in permanent care.

Missmapp I asked similar earlier with no response. It could be very relevant to ss actions.

Hi yes social services were involved for a while in and out. Before I would make a change but was unable to sustain them. I didnt understand and accept the difficulties before, and never made as much effort as I have now been doing because of that. Ss say I have to show sustainable change for at least a year. So August will be a year.

Hi yes thanks UnbornMortificado it's my due date today but no signs as yet. I feel much more positive after talking to solicitor he said he will talk to ss about what they are planning to do and about contact and get back to me. His happy about the progress and changes I've made and said if I keep it up and proove I can look after baby I can go back to court in August to try and discharge order for my son. The iro said ss will try and fight against it, I said why would they if im doing everything right. He just said that's what they do. I plan to keep up the changes I've made and look after baby extreemly well, and I hope and prey i can have both of my children with me this year. X

That sounds very positive Sarah, I hope your keeping as stress free as possible under the circumstances.

Well done on all the positive changes you've made

Sarah it sounds like you have worked hard and made lots of positive changes. Keep focused on your babies and keeping engaging g with professionals. Hope labour is smooth .Stay strong.

Great update OP it sounds positive. Stay strong and keep turning in here, we are willing you to succeed for the sake of you and DC.

Good luck Saraheve, you're doing great.

As a social worker I have a MASSIVE amount of respect and admiration for someone who can truly turn their life around for the sake of their children. It's far harder than many people imagine, particularly when there are mental health and substance abuse issues to overcome.
Keep it up, Saraheve.

Seal I think hearing that off a professional will mean the world to the op.

What was it that first brought you under SS radar?

How did they first get involved?

I've been reading. Well done sarah lovely. Hope baby makes an appearance soon.

Is it a possibility for you to move in with your dad?

Ss will be happier to have baby in your care if there is a responsible adult in the house.

How's it going Sara? Any signs of labour coming? Has your ex tried making any more contact?

Hi thank you, the reason why ss were involved in the the first place was because during my pregnancy with my son 9 years ago I suffered pre natal depression. When son was born in was feeling better but still recovering, sometimes I let the housework go, their would be arguments with me and ex partner. Thanks everyone it is hard to change but with the right support and encouragement it can be done. I'm glad I got solicitor on my side who is going to negotiate with ss. I'm keeping hopeful. I was told that proving I can look after baby will be strong evidence to get my son back in August. So i see her as a blessing. Thanks everyone for your messages.

What were the arguments like with ex?

Can you give an example of how they would start, how loud they got, any threats or physical element?

Hi mathanxiety my ex used to always borrow money. At first because I used to accaisionally smoke cannibis to and had very low self esteem I used to give it to him. Then it would be so bad my finances would be really low. I then stopped giving him then he started stealing from me. I really regret arguing infront of my son but I felt so frustrated. I told him to leave but he refused. I told social services and each time I told them they would close the case. But I felt isolated and wanted more support with this. Things are much better now with support I seeked out myself I learnt assertiveness skills. His moved out. And he knows now when I say no i mean it. I have joint contact with him with my son and even though theirs resentment their i concentrate on my son and do not argue. It took me a long time to realise I was a big part of the problem lacking strength to be assertive enough.

No sign of baby OP?