Can they take my baby away

[saraheve]

HI i really need some advice, my 9 year old son was taken into care due to depression i was unable to keep on top of housework, I was binge drinking on weekends and I was in a unhappy relationship with childs farther, since my son has been taken into care I have attended therapy, hired a cleaner, attended a parent recovery group, relapse prevention group and took parenting courses. I am 8 months pregnant due to give birth very soon, I was given a prebirth assessment that said social services will go to court if they see that babys needs are not being met, unborn baby is on child protection and on the plan it says the same, yet social services say they want to take me to court? I was told their is no present concerns and I have addressed all previous concerns yet they want to still take it to court based on pre historic. I have so much evidence of significant changes yet they want to keep me in hospital once baby is born and have a discharge planning meeting where they may take baby away. Have they got any grounds since I have made significant changes and their is no present concerns. I am very devastated please can somone advise me? Thanks.

Gizmo, the op said he has been abusive to her. The op says this is in the past but it is known that abusive men don't stop being abusive they just change tactics. This man turns up at her house and makes her give him money even though they are no longer together. He insisted he had a right to be present at the birth. The man has done plenty of things that pose a risk to children.

Yes so he has a part in the son being taken away??

Sarah when my MH has gone to shit in the past my DD's have been placed with my parents at my request.

Op, were ss involved for a period before your ds was removed or was there a specific crisis point which triggered it?

I have read the full thread. And still don't understand why there is focus on this man/ex when he's not done anything?? It does not make sense

Drugs, alcohol and domestic violence is doing nothing wrong?
Maybe read a bit closer.

Do listen to math OP. She is advising on how you can make a difference rather than just want to.

Keep up the good work, your doing really well. Keep focusing on getting your ds back and having both of your dc at home with you.
The one thing you need to remember, is to never let their dad back in, his no good for you or your dc. It's not a healthy relationship for anyone so forget about him.

I really hope things work out for you.

You must listen to math she is right in what she is saying. If you have him at the birth or have him anywhere near you ss will jump all over you. They would have returned your son by now if they felt it was a safe house. You have a lot to proof to them. You can do it if you remain positive and stick close to your solicitor.

Thank you I know your right. I will do that. I was feeling down this morning missing my son. But good news manager and his social worker said he can visit me and baby in hospital. I think that's what I'm looking forward to most is seeing my angels their togeather. I want them to grow a bond, my son is excited. Thanks for your advice i will do that. I'm seeing solicitor on Thursday he knows the case very well and is supportive. Thanks everyone.

I'm not defending ex. But on my defence I have grown a lot stronger. I felt week before I wasn't assertive at all not even to my son. I was depressed and had very little energy always tired. Now ex does not ask me for a penny because he knows my answer will stick to no. I have told him he can't come around and I also told ss I don't want him to come around, their is no present abuse but I will never want to go back their im going to do freedom program or simular and get certificate as I will like to learn more abouthan about financial and emotional abuse. Like a when your in it you don't always realise or recognise. Some people think maybe it's in my head. I have learnt to be assertive now and he knows now when I say no i mean it im not going to change my mind.

Sarah lots of people don't realise abuse is happening at the time. Your not the first and you won't be the last

Math's post is spot on. You can protect your daughter from this person.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

That's a permanent thread on the relationships topic. It's an interesting read and might surprise you.

Oh brilliant news about your son being able to visit you and baby in hospital! Make sure you get lots of photos of the special moment. Really happy with your update.

Have you told ex he isn't aloud to visit you in hospital yet? You don't want him showing up and spoiling the moment you have with your dc.

I have told him but he says he doesn't like people telling him what to do. I said I'll call the police if he keeps coming around. Unfortunately his not listening and I'll do anything not to go back in that relationship for the baby's sake. I'm going to try and push to be in a mother and baby unit.

Would a none molestation order be an option? I have no personal experience but google brings up:

A non-molestation order is aimed at preventing your partner or ex-partner from using or threatening violence against you or your child, or intimidating, harassing or pestering you, in order to ensure the health, safety and well-being of yourself and your children.

You've mentioned him forcing entry. He doesn't listen to you he may listen to the law.

I suspect that's what my solicitor will recommend as he has in the past. I will talk to my solicitor about the options. I really would do anything not for the past to repeat. Ss said it's not a problem him having contact with me but I don't think they understand that this is the reason I went down a downwards spiral I was extremely unhappy im not excusing my behaviour but I didn't get drunk or smoke cannibis to have fun it was more to forget ease the pain and I didn't have the tools and knowledge then to deal with things differently. I'm seeing my solicitor on Thursday. It's like ex is trying to worm his way back in. He doesn't care about my happiness or mental health. I regret not going to refuge when I had my son. But ss said that would be selfish as son would have to move schools. I should of just done though at least he would of still been with me. I wouldn't of drank or smoked if I wasn't trying to escape. I might just try to move. Ss previously were worried my son might join a gang when his older as the area I live has high crime. Even if I move temporary I need new start. I've been through enough pain to last a lifetime. Time to be happy so I can be the best mum I can be. X

I think the clean break would help the changes you've made with your addiction and MH are commendable. Don't let him drag you back on a downward spiral.

This baby is coming (even if late) in the next three weeks. Being in the best place possible mentally can only be a positive thing. For you and your daughter.

How's it going today Sara?

It's OK im happy contact with my son was going to be reduced to 5 times a year but they have now agreed that once a month is sufficient. It's still sad only seeing him once a month but it's better that 5 times a year. Social services said it has to be joint with my ex partner. Social services said they have no concerns what so ever with ex partner. They said I must concentrate on the baby and I'll have a chance getting my son back if I show im looking after baby that I attend to do. A lot of stress as they they want to take me to court regarding baby but their not telling me when. Thanks for asking x

That's positive! how do you feel now? A bit more hopeful?

Sarah do you think he's safe round your son?

My ex got given unsupervised contact till he commuted DV against his new partner and drugs were found in is house.

They don't get it right all the time.

(Not a children's services bashing post, I have utmost respect for the job they do and most of them are fab)

I'm so pleased for you about the contact not being reduced. Well done.

Even if he isn't safe around my son social services don't listen to me. They say we have to have contact together dispite them knowing were not togeather. I'm upset I can't spend one and one time with my son. Honestly nomater what I say it eaither gets ignored or taken the wrong way.

Yes seeing my son 12 times a year is better than 5 but I still can't handle this pain very well

That's why you stick close to your solicitor you follow what he says to you about the law. Yes you do need to keep some sort of contact email or text message you don't have to talk to him directly. Contact could be arranged through your family so you don't have to see him.

I hope you get him back soon and keep strong for your little ones.