Can they take my baby away

[saraheve]

HI i really need some advice, my 9 year old son was taken into care due to depression i was unable to keep on top of housework, I was binge drinking on weekends and I was in a unhappy relationship with childs farther, since my son has been taken into care I have attended therapy, hired a cleaner, attended a parent recovery group, relapse prevention group and took parenting courses. I am 8 months pregnant due to give birth very soon, I was given a prebirth assessment that said social services will go to court if they see that babys needs are not being met, unborn baby is on child protection and on the plan it says the same, yet social services say they want to take me to court? I was told their is no present concerns and I have addressed all previous concerns yet they want to still take it to court based on pre historic. I have so much evidence of significant changes yet they want to keep me in hospital once baby is born and have a discharge planning meeting where they may take baby away. Have they got any grounds since I have made significant changes and their is no present concerns. I am very devastated please can somone advise me? Thanks.

Learning new skills sounds really positive. I know it must be hard but keeping yourself stress free as possible can only be good for you and the baby.

Putting the rest of what's happening to one side, how are you feeling about the actual birth? 5 days isn't long.

Well, you should be able to show them how able you are to look after your baby, you've done it before 😊 You're doing well 💐 Are you looking after yourself - eating, drinking, sleeping? Do you have what you need for the baby? 5 days...😁😁😁

I'm extreemly nervous as my last birth was extremely painful. My son was a week later so I have a feeling I will be late or induced. Funny I went into labour last time as soon as I got to hospital to be induced although they had to break waters. I had a epidural but it didn't work I was told I was lying and midwife put ice on my leg and asked if I could feel it which I could I was told it was in my head. Then found out after epidural was placed wrongly. So not looking forward to the pain or being monitored like I'm under a microscope. But I'm very looking forward to meeting my first daughter and holding her. My baby angel. I tell my son because I'm having a daughter I can still say his the best son in the world. Which makes him smile I've also reassured him the baby won't replace him and I won't love baby more. His reassured so his excited to meet her. I asked his social worker if my son can visit me in hospital and to my surprise he said he will ask his manager so that will be good. After a terrible last year I'm sure she will bring some joy. It's very interesting at this stage what she will look like and be like. If she will look like me ect. Ss want me to bond so that's a good sign. X

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN hi yes I have everything I need and more. I'm nervous of the pain.I have been eating well for baby. Little bit down last couple days as contact meeting to talk about contact with my son has been cancelled twice so I don't know when im next going to see my son. But it would be great if he can visit me in the hospital. Social worker has to ask his manager. Sure it won't be long till I see him it's just unsettling not knowing when. Hope his ok. He loves school and has lots of friends so I'm happy about that.

Hopefully the epidural will work this time (if you want one of course.

One thing I will say is all the safety guidelines and whatnot for feeding/sleeping etc might have changed since your DS was born (I have 9 years between my two DD's)

Ive recently babysat my niece who is five weeks. It turns out now you put them with their feet at the bottom of the cot/pram/basket. I felt like I was having to learn basics all over again.

Thanks UnbornMortificado I will look into this im sure I will be told how to do things correctly. But I can respond to a baby's needs and I am a affectionate mum. 9 years good gap. I think I'll wait if pain is way to unbearable I'll ask for epidural as it is a diffrent hospital than before. But I'm gonna try self meditation and deep breathing and see if I can cope without. Guess only time will tell for everything I can just hope for the best. And thanks a lot for your nice posts 😊

It sounds like you really have tried to turn things around which is great. The only advice I've got really is to stay away from your ex partner, if he causes trouble and social services think you're still together they won't look on it very well.

I definitely wouldn't have him at the birth or have him involved with your life. I wouldn't have any contact with him full stop to be honest. Stay strong and good luck with everything, you should be proud of the changes you've made. You can do this

Your DS sounds so lovely 😊 & it's great the he looks vets his school & has lots of friends. His foster family must be doing a great job of looking after him until he can come home. I hope you don't have to wait too long to see him.

I'm envious of your cuddles with your DD, squishy little newborns are sooo lovely - not long now. & yes, it great that SS want you to bond. I'll be keeping everything crossed for you that it goes well. Have you chosen a name for her yet?

Op / do they maybe have concerns because you were taking drugs and drinking whilst pregnant?

I think also as others have said you need to stop making excuses as to why your ex is still in contact. SS can not spoon feed you instructions of what you need to do but it seems fairy obvious you and the kids don't need him.

Please realise that it wasn't 'just' binge drinking and housework etc that had your son removed. The effect must've been massive upon him - children very rarely want to leave their parents no matter how bad the situation so I'm not surprised he wanted to stay with you. SS would not have taken him if there were not real and severe causes for concern.

I hope this all works out for the best for you all OP .

No i wasn't drinking while I was pregnant i stopped a couple of months before that. But I did smoke cannibis not heavily but after my son was taken into care i dealt with my pain the wrong way. I have got lots of help for that since then. From all the scans the baby is developing very well and normal. The baby is definitely not going to be drug or alcohol dependant. I think because I suffered depression their worried about my mental health after I give birth. Thus is why they want the mental health team to see me in hospital. At the same time their causing me stress. But I totally understand why they need to do it.

Sarah I can't comment on the whole SS thing

My son wasn't unhappy with me. Yes I was depressed ect. But I tried my best to hide it from him. In fact a week before he was taken into took him on holiday. We went away togeather alot. His foster carer told me he always talks about the good times he has with me. The ss said not many foster kids have good memories. I wasn't perfect but my son still insists I was a good mum and we still have a bond. I'm not excusing my mistakes, but at least he has more good memories to look back on than bad. And im determined to have many happy memories with him in future. He tells me even when his a adult he will come and visit me. I always tell him how proud I am of him and how much I love him that will never stop nomater what.

Posted to soon.

Sarah I can't comment on the whole SS thing but whatever happened or didn't your taking steps to better yourself.

The fact you have been dealing with your MH issues and have done so for so long with everything going on is really positive if nothing else.

UnbornMortificado I know. It's only time that can tell the future noone actually knows what the future holds for any of us. Imy just working with ss and following their advice to carry on doing what I'm doing. And just wish for the best that's all I can do. X

I think to keep your baby you have to follow what social services tell you. Make sure you keep your solicitor close to you.

I was told as long as I keep my side of the street clean and do everything right I shouldn't worry about the outher side of the street. Thanks for making me feel more positive. Positivity is what I need. Even ss say I need to remain positive.

My MH was monitored by the home care team when I had DD2.

The risk of post natal depression or psychosis is higher when there is previous MH issues.

You might or might not develop any post natal. Worrying won't do any good you will either get it or you won't. If your mental health does mess up after the birth with the MH team being there you'll be able to get prompt help which can only be a good thing.

Thanks HorridHenryrule I am doing everything they tell me i asked today if theirs anything else I should be doing or not doing and they said no at mo im doing everything right. They just want to see if can keep it up. And not get depressed again.

Do you have any family or friends close by who can help?

Thanks UnbornMortificado at the same time if my mental health does mess up after I give birth I won't be able to take baby home with me. That I totally understand. I need to be well enough to look after her. That's why ss say I need to remain positive it's hard but then I think how much I'm looking forward to meeting her and bond with her that helps. If my son can come to the hospital that will definitely boost up my mood. I need to be well for both my childrens sake. Not easy said than done but I have to try. Thanks

I wouldn't worry you have so much support around you by the sounds of it. Are you packed and ready. What hospital are you going to.

Hi yes I have a lot of support with groups and therapy and I will attend mother and baby groups. I'm all packed. I feel excited and scaired at the same time. X

Wow i just saw on the calendar im due this Saturday I never knew it was possible to feel every emotion all at once. I can't wait to see her little face. Scaired of the pain though

I do keep saying don't come round but he does not listen to me. I'm not putting any man above my children its just very hard to get out of as he doesn't listen. It's not because I want him around...
...If social services don't put me in a mother and baby unit I might try and self refer or go to a refuge. I will do my best as I really would not put any man above my children...
...Lucky his moved out i have told him I can't have him around anymore as it's putting baby at risk. If he does not listen I will have to move.

No, No, NO.
You must not rely on luck
Stop being passive with this man.

Talk to your solicitor about getting a non-molestation order, and also about how to fight if he seeks visitation with the baby. I find it hard to understand why you were considering having him present at the birth. This is what people do when they are in a relationship. Are you going to tell him when you go into labour??

What you are saying here is that in your head you have ended the relationship, but in reality the relationship is ongoing and it is also abusive (and not giving him money any more does not matter).

What makes the relationship ongoing is the fact that he keeps on coming around. The only way to stop that is for you to get a non-molestation order. Please talk to your solicitor about this.

What you want and what is actually happening are two different things. SS are going to look at what is actually happening. You have nothing to show for keeping on saying to him not to come around. Why should SS believe that you say this to him when you are planning to have him present at the birth of the baby?

I have read the full thread. And still don't understand why there is focus on this man/ex when he's not done anything?? It does not make sense. if he is safe to be around then there's not a problem if your in a relationship with him or not. Or if he is present at the birth. It wouldn't be an issue.