Can they take my baby away

[saraheve]

HI i really need some advice, my 9 year old son was taken into care due to depression i was unable to keep on top of housework, I was binge drinking on weekends and I was in a unhappy relationship with childs farther, since my son has been taken into care I have attended therapy, hired a cleaner, attended a parent recovery group, relapse prevention group and took parenting courses. I am 8 months pregnant due to give birth very soon, I was given a prebirth assessment that said social services will go to court if they see that babys needs are not being met, unborn baby is on child protection and on the plan it says the same, yet social services say they want to take me to court? I was told their is no present concerns and I have addressed all previous concerns yet they want to still take it to court based on pre historic. I have so much evidence of significant changes yet they want to keep me in hospital once baby is born and have a discharge planning meeting where they may take baby away. Have they got any grounds since I have made significant changes and their is no present concerns. I am very devastated please can somone advise me? Thanks.

It would make you cry the backgrounds of some children who have not been placed in foster care. And SS know about them, Unfortunately they only have limited resources and limited foster care, it's the worst cases that get removed.

I wish it was the worst case that were removed. My son was very happy with me and told them he wanted to stay with me. Ask outher mums who have had their children taken into care if it's only the worst cases. I loved my son very much and cared for him very much. Everything I've said on hear is true. I thought like that to that it's only the worst cases that's why it was such a shock when he was removed. But because it is not as bad as some worst cases I will fight to get him back.

Think what you want as I said your just giving me more fire to fight for whats right and proove that I can do it.

The ss would not of taken your son for no reason end of. My sisters daughter swallowed drugs aged 17months and was hospitalised. Ss did not remove the child,even though there was evidence this happened in her care. We as a family had to take her children on. So please don't tell me you son was taken because you had a few drinks at the weekend.

Red that's awful.

Shut if your family wasn't around would it of led to care?

I realise after the reply on drugs I seem to be a bit naive but the only family I know where the Grand Mother has the children it was children's services decision not the parents. It happened quite a few years ago now and it's a residency order I think.

No we had to take her to court along with the children's father. 2 of them are now back in her care and the one that swallowed the drugs is with her father. She is pregnant again. Still drinks a lot,still takes drugs and house is a bomb site. I have reported her umpteen times for taking drugs with s newborn/beating kids etc and they just don't seem to take it seriously. She recently abandoned her eldest daughter at a family friends who fell and had to go to hospital,so I went to collect her. She never got back in touch for 8 days. I rang ss myself,reported to police. And when she decided she's finished her bender, tried to get me done for kidnap.

This is how I know the op must be talking rubbish.

OP, no-one here has questioned why you haven't got your son back. What people have said is that the fact your son was removed and that SS are looking to reduce access is an indication that his welfare is currently being assessed as being away from you, and that with this in mind it's likely that the same principles would be applied to your baby.

If SS were looking at a situation which would see your DS being returned to you in the near future they would be seeking for access to remain in order that the transition back from foster care to your care be as smooth as possible. As things currently stand they are doing the opposite, and are seeking to reduce access. It has nothing to do with care order reviews only being able to happen every six months, presumably it's around now they'll be looking to review the care order, and the review currently states that your access needs to be reduced. And all this is happening in conjunction with you expecting another baby whose welfare is also at steak.

You don't owe anyone on here answers, but the reality here is that if it's obvious to people on here that there are more issues which will have led to your son's removal, then it's obvious to the authorities as well.

As I said in my very first reply to your post, it's not possible to give a totally objective answer on here because nobody here knows your full situation, and there are two sides to every story. Of course you're going to come here and say that you want your DS back and you don't want to lose your baby. Very few parents who have their children removed don't feel like that, but if you want your son back in the future then you're going to have to cooperate with the authorities to put everything in place that they ask for. With regard to your baby, only time is going to give the answers. IMO it's highly probable that your baby will be removed that given the fact your current child is in care and they are looking to reduce your access and not yet looking at a possibility of his being returned to you. TBH I would be looking at a bigger picture at this stage. I don't want to be alarmist, but the reality is that SS don't want a situation where tiny babies are growing up in long-term foster care, so I would be seeking further advice from your solicitor and from SS with regards to what the plan is for your baby, i.e. Whether removal is likely to be permanent and whether they are looking at the possibility of adoption etc. I know that it's not something which has been mentioned on here yet, but it's a real possibility with a newborn. The ideal is that newborns find permanency as soon as possible and I would be wanting to know what the plan is for the future of this baby.

Shut I'm sorry you've had all that to deal with it sounds horrendous.

The friend I've just mentioned is an alcoholic, we are very close but like most addicts she can be bloody selfish. It's hard enough watching her slowly kill herself I can only imagine how worse you feel.

Unborn the eldest is now 12 and it was going on since she was born. We all muck in and do our best to keep an eye on the situation. I could tell you hundreds of stories about what has gone on. But I will be honest anyone that has had a child removed must of done something pretty bad. As I've seen smashed windows/sister black and blue/police at house 2,3,4 in the morning,drugs found in house,panic alarms,house set on fire due to drugs, the list goes on and on. It irritates me people won't stand up to their responsibilities as a mother then ho on to have child after child dragging them through the shit. They are little humans. They didn't ask to be here.

WannaBe you are right

it's easier for SS to advise supervised contact with non resident parents because they dont have to find an alternative home for the child as they are living with the resident parent and therefore it could come down purelky to drug use.

op..I have read the thread and a few things stick out to me.

The first is you do say you should be given a chance..I am left wondering how many chances you had with your DS before he was removed .

I can see you have made changes and this is all great however it is very recent. I can only assume you were drinking and smoking while pregnant and I imagine there will be concerned any issues your baby has when born as a result.

You seem to be very determined about your change to drink and drugs . I really can hope you do manage not to relapse but it is really early days. I am glad you are going to relapse groups..For this issue it seems you have sorted out your own support.

You ex..You seem to give very conflicting information which concerns me. You say he is not abusive anymore but let him in because you are worried he will kick off , he will be at the birth as he said he has a right...

No matter what SS say..You will be better off with distance to this man. Yes do the freedom program but also text him..Tell him he is no longer able to knock on your door.If he tries to enter you will call the police if he refuses to leave and follow through.

You can tell midwives you don't want him to be allowed in to labour and he won't be ...in fact don't tell him you are in labour much easier.

Other point is my DS suffered with separation anxiety.. When he came home from school. I would say I thought about you at lunchtime and hoped you were having fun playing with your friends...So he knew I thought of him but also wanted to be happy where he was. This can help with your son..Letting him know you think of him but want him to be happy.

I try not to judge other parents, not because I'm an extra kind person (im really not) I've had serious problems with my MH in the past. The only reason I've probably avoided SS intervention is because of my ability to pre empt a breakdown and the fact that I have a supportive family to step in when I've been hospitalised.

When mental health is involved there can be and is in my case a fear of your children being removed. Its hard to judge others when you feel inadequate yourself.

Hope that made sense, I know what I'm trying to explain.

I nevery said they took my child for no reason I explained the reason nothing else to it, it was nothing like the baby pseats case. I love my child it was the problemsame I had at the time with myself I have now sorted them out. They just want to see if can keep it up im determined I will nomater what happens.

Shutthatdoor12 I am not chatting rubbish I find that very affensive, my case was not as extreem as that I have totally opened myself up on hear and said nothing but the truth im not lying or hiding anything. Think what you want I know the truth.

OP, I've been following but haven't posted because I don't have any experience with SS other than my sister being a foster carer and she quite rightly doesn't discuss her foster children's family situations with us.

I think it has gotten to the stage where this thread is causing you more harm than good. You appear to be getting understandably distressed by some of the more blunt replies. I think it's best to walk away now and seek RL support.

At the end of the day MN can't really answer the questions you have because we don't have access to the full facts (and as is always the case with online forums anything you say will be taken as your opinion on the matter as opposed to the whole picture)

Give these people a call. They might be able to offer you the right kind of support or at least point you in the right direction.

You should be proud of the changes you have made, never let anyone take that away from you.

Good luck, I truly hope everything works out well for all concerned.

Wannabe in response to your statement if you want your son back in the future then you're going to have to cooperate with the authorities to put everything in place that they ask for.
This is exactly what I'm doing their pleased with what I am doing now they just want to see if can keep it up, which I'm extreemly determined to do.

But sarah, you keep talking about needing to show change over a year to get your son back, but they have a care order for him and are reducing your contact to once a quarter. They do not do this if there is any likelihood that you will have him back in your care. I'll ask again - is it a full (final) care order? Because discharging a care order is rare and difficult. Where have you got the idea that you can do that after a year of change?
It's different with your ds to the new baby because they will also look at actual harm your child has suffered and what his needs may be after experiencing neglect. They may believe you could meet the needs of a baby but not whilst also providing reparatory parenting to your son who has already been harmed by his experiences.
I'm not saying this to be cruel but I think you have an unrealistic idea of the chance of getting your son back and I also think that if you got to final care order without making the necessary changes (as you say you made changes after August last year) then it is really important to understand why you didn't act as soon as they initiated pre proceedings (which can take weeks, months or even a year before actually going to court)

This is exactly what I'm doing their pleased with what I am doing now they just want to see if can keep it up, which I'm extreemly determined to do

If they are so pleased with your progress why are they reducing your contact quite a lot as well as talking about possible care orders for your baby?

I don't doubt that you think you are being honest here but I fear that your perspective is not the same as the authorities here. It is clear that you do not understand the processes that are happening or how the system works, you need to get some assistance with engaging with social services, because as it stands it is not looking good for you.

The abuse is in the past, but if you don't let him in you're scared he'll kick the door in? That doesn't add up.

AllOfTheCoffee thank you alot alot of the blunt comments are untrue like I'm chatting rubbish, I'm not telling whole story. Why isn't my son back home with me ect .. your right I was feeling down when I started this post and was trying to reach out for some support. Silly me it's only my solicitor that knows the full story I need to talk to him I've got a appointment on Thursday. Yes your right it's causing me more harm than good right now. Im going to carry on the good work and work with ss. Thanks again.

Well that's what they tell me that their happy with my progress. Their reducing contact so son can settle where he is as 5 months isn't enough to show sustainable change 😊

Gallavich I understand the process of discharging a care order. And no affence my solicitor will have more facts on this case than you. So it's my solicitor that I will listen to. If anyone is trying to get me down on hear or make me loose hope it's not happening because I'm never gonna give up fighting for my son. I understand it's dificult to discharge a care order but not impossible. I have made all the changes already if anyone wants to believe me or not I've also got tons of evidence for this I just need to carry on which I will.

Could you call the national DV helpline and look into refuges? You could then discuss this with your baby's social worker. A refuge would mean that you have staff and other mums there to support you, and it would really help you put in place the boundaries that you need with your XP.
I speak from experience, it's really hard to put those boundaries in place when you're at your most vulnerable, which you will be, and refuge staff would be able to set that up for you.
I wish you and your children all the best, keep that determination and find a support worker that you trust to help you navigate through the next few months

You should be proud of the changes you have made, never let anyone take that away from you
Thank you I won't. I can't expect real support on hear only opinions. My solicitor will help me and advice me properly as he has all of the facts. I'm not gonna give up even though some may want me to.