Help, defended divorce

[GingerCuddleMonster]

I don't know where to begin, I realise this may out me but I don't care I'm at my witts end.

My ex was violent, a domestic violence abuser. We went to court, he was charged.

I began the process of divorcing him, but I haven't much money. So I did it myself. filled the paperwork and so forth. Wrote in my petition all factual events. that I had paperwork to prove this is what happened. It wasn't written in a way to upset or anger just 5 events of unreasonable documented behaviour.

Anyways fast forward, the ex has filed a answer!! and the judge has agreed to take it to a hearing!!

I've requested a copy of his answer this has been denied. I'm flying solo and blind.

I don't know what to do, what to expect. I suppose I'm just asking for guidance on what happens next?

I'm distraught I can't face him in a court I can't even look at him. .

That sounds about right. Just be calm and ordered and concentrate on a very very few key points at the hearing, your best points. Don't try to make too many different points or throw in too many examples or get side tracked. You might want to do yourself a typed note with a few listed points which you could also hand to the judge on the day setting out your main issues.

Fantastic, thank you for the help.

So far I've got the evidence for my 5 episodes, plus 2 other bits of evidence if we need to replace a behaviour because hebdosnt like it.

I'm going to keep any speaking short and I'm not going to push for anything else except that I'm sticking to my petitions and happy to amend anything, but it's to remain as my petition.

That sounds wise. The typical person who is not a lawyer can end up in court with 30 pages of green ink highlighted stuff which is too long for a judge to digest and get side tracked over what the one aim of the hearing is - that the divorce petition can go ahead on the basis of his unreasonable behaviour. I don't do divorce work but in other court hearings the barrister on each side will send a very short skeleton argument - short summary - to the judge the day before so the jduge can be told what is relevant, what to look at etc and in those kinds of cases there will be a bundle of documents with an index, every page will be numbered and things can be found in seconds and everyone has the same bundle in court. I suspect divorce cases where people are not using lawyers are different but it certainly would be a good idea to have a second photo copy of any important documents to hand over to the judge and for the usher to hand to your husband (the idea is everyone has the same documents in front of them in court to make it fair).

Do let us know how you get on.

How's things with you Ginger ?

Meh shot, court dates approaching fast, I've had a barrage of abusive text messages and calls in the early hours of the morning which have woken a sleeping DS up, so I know need to turn my phone off at night, which means no contact with DP who is in another time zone

I'm so fed up, I'm loosing the will to live slowly....

Time to get a new sim so ex can only contact you on your old number when you choose to put that old sim in your phone or use a second cheapy phone?

it downy matter how many times I change my knee, he gets it.

cut a long story short, I'm on a contract and there have been data protection issues surrounding my account...

fucking phone

I give up, I actually give up tonight....

pass me the

on its way

Time to report him to the police???

the police do their usual, interview me, go "have a word" and round and round the merry go round we go.

Which I can't be bothered for right now with dp away and a 11month old to care for.

My phone provider will receive a stern letter , they will "investogate" sometimes they come up trumps and close the hole and sometimes they say "we don't know how it happened, not us"

round and round in circles, iva asked to end my contract early they have refused, but they will let me change my number and block certain numbers from my phone, but when someone goes out of their way to use a public phone box to call you it gets annoying

I'm so fed up tonight if it all, I may eat my own body weight (about 12stone) in Pringles and dip washed down with a box (yes I said box) of wine.

if I don't laugh, I'll cry

for you Ginger. Best of luck.

I can't believe that about your phone contract/provider, pretty frightening.

Yes it's a issue when he is a ex employee and all his friends work there.

Some good news, a family friend who is a barrister found out I was going to court alone and had taken potty one me, he has taken the day off work and is going to come with me and sit with me in court. I've e-mailed scanned copies of everything to him and he says it's going to be fine, so feeling positive

I work for a DV charity and am a McKenzie Friend for some of their clients. We do still exist, the law hasn't changed yet, and as one of my clients said to me this morning after her hearing 'it just made such a difference to have someone there who was on my side and who could understand what I was going through and feeling.

Just came on to wish you luck and agree that you are in the stronger position if you are the one doing the divorcing. Sounds like the judge will see through him and hopefully you'll get all this sorted soon x

what a fucking waste of my time, was only in there 10minutes, didn't even speak.

ex ranted at the judge, judge told him to counter petition on 2 years seperation he said no, judge dissproved and has now flung it up to a higher court!!! what's higher than the family justice court???

I'm so angry ex posses the judge off by ranting judge couldn't be bothered with it by the looks of things.

Well how bad is it going to look on the Ex that he ignored the judge's request and surely he'll have to pay the costs...

I think I'm just going to withdraw my petition and not bother anymore, there's no point. .

I think I will admit defeat and just accept I must be linked to this abuser.

Don't do that, that is what he wants, to still abuse you, to still control you.

He has been told to counter-petition you if he won't do that I suspect very strongly next time they will award in your favour because he is being a complete arse. I suspect the Judge has done this to prove a point to your STBXH.

I just want to cry and scream, I'm so fed up. I really can't take anymore, I really can't. why can't something just be simple, why do I have to be dragged through all this shit.

I'm so fed up I can't face anymore I really can't .

No legal advice, but just wanted to say, please don't give up, keep going. You need to be legally separate from this person. Its totally unfair, but you need to just get through it.

Brent to CAB no help, the guy was nice though.

Solicitor at 11:30

haven't slept, DS can sense the atmosphere in the house as shifted, it's all just gone down the shutter and got jammed....joy