Urgent advice needed

[Justme90]

I have a 3 year old child and the court has ordered that the child goes to live with his father with immediate effect.Bit of a back ground I split with him ex 2 years ago following domestic abuse from him. I was trapped in the relationship for years He kept the child and I had to go to court to get the child back. Following the break up he engaged in a prolonged period of harassment. He was arrested for that and on bail when he broke into my house and assaulted me and my friend and attempted to abduct the child.He was immediately arrested where he tried to hang himself in the police station.He was convicted of assault x2 and harassment and breach of bail. He basically got a slap on the wrist and a restraining order was put in place.I continued to try and make contact work but him feeling very bitter would use the child to get at mine. He would purposely keep the child up late at night, give him a bottle, put him in nappies etc which caused a lot of confusion for the child as mummy says no daddy says yes. The child would also go home saying bad things about me like he used to call me mummy pig. His parents always created problems at handovers and we're always late etc. He continued his harassment which was reported to the police but kept getting away with it. At this point his harassment became clever and he would do it through the courts solicitors social services etc. Everytime after contact I would recieve a letter from my solicitor. He used this court process to find out information about me high w the courts willingly gave. He made out he was a loving father etc would put on all the tears etc and the court would fall for it.I was harassed by the Cafcass officer who had been taken in by him, the Cafcass officer was even calling on Xmas eve.Following all the difficulties with contact I terminated contact. The difficulties included the continued harassment, driving him in a car without a licence and dropping him off at nursery with dried excrement stuck to his bum plus the convicted sexual abusers in the family.It was have always supported contact and offered supervised contact but just wanted it to be safe for my child.He applied for an enforcement order which the judge upheld I still refused as he began making wild accusations to the court.He then applied for a residence application. By this time he had got a new partner and a new child. It then became aware that his new partner had already reported him for harassment when they split up but now they are happily living together and the courts and Cafcass have falling for the charade.Their new child was in hospital as it was 16 weeks early and the hospital expressed concerns that they struggled to attend the hospital. He also has another much older child whom despite gaining a court order has walked away from that child.Cafcass said switching residence would be the last resort and very traumatic for the child and distressing. But despite everything residence has been switched. I am in pieces, I am 16 weeks pregnant and I'm really concerned as I passed out 3 times already. I really don't know what to do.It says in the order if I dont hand him over by Monday a warrant for my arrest will be issued and it's to go back to court urgently.There is another hearing arranged for mid July.What options are available for me? My family is about to be ripped apart, our unborn child is being put at risk due to stress.How can this be allowed to happen? How can a judge put a child at so much risk? My child is gonna be traumatised by this. He hardly knows who his father is. His father hasn't sent him any cards or presents in 2 years and has refused to pay maintenance. And to top it all off im only able to see my child once a week for an hour supervised. What can I do?

Op there are plenty of women on mn whose ex's claim that they have been unfairly treated by the courts and have been awarded minimal access as a result, and when those women tell their stories it usually transpires that there is a lot more to it than that, and that the men in question are deemed to be a risk to their children. There are also plenty of violent men who are given access rights to their dc...

There is no way you have lost residence of your dc and been given one hour a week supervised contact when you have previously been his sole carer purely based on the say-so of your ex and your inability to maintain contact. It is very obvious that there is a lot, lot more to this which you clearly aren't prepared to divulge here and perhaps understandably so as you don't want to be judged.

But a lot of women here have had to go through the court process wrt their ex's, and while it is not unusual for courts to award contact to sometimes even the most violent ex partners, courts do not remove otherwise healthy happy children from their main carer and give them to their previously absent parent with just one hours contact a week for their previously main carer. it doesn't happen like that.

What I would suggest is that you speak to your solicitor on Monday, and try in the longer term to address the issues which have led to the removal of your ds. MN'ers aren't able to help you here because there is too much of the story missing to be able to gain a naccurate picture.

Could you post a picture of the court papers for one of the legals to see (blanking out all names, address etc.) is it stamped etc?

I have been honest, I have gave a full run down. The only thing I can think of is I am currently living in a safe house as at my own home I'm getting constant harassment. I was served with a order not to leave the country a few weeks back and in this latest order it says my mum is to tell the courts of my whereabouts. The only possible thing I can think of and I've not heard nothing mentioned apart from what it says in the order is that my ex has accused me of running away with the child as I'm not living at home currently. Hense why it says my mum to say where I am and I'm only allowed to see him supervised. I'm just adding two and two together but this must surely be it? As I previously said there is zero welfare concerns about me or my family etc. I've come on here to get some support and advice. I'm about to lose my son and he is gonna be put at great risk. I'm in pieces and absolutely petrified that I'm now gonna miscarry my unborn child because of the stress. It's the weekend and there is nothing I can do hense why I have come on here.

Hi I will try and upload 2moro.it looks fairly legit. My ex is clever in his ways but not that clever. It is a photocopied order but it is stamped etc and has everything where it should be etc.

Look. We can only make guesses. You really need legal advice.

My own guess is that the paperwork is legit and has been served on you by a process server.

You have very very little time and you need to keep this as calm and positive as you possibly can for both your 3 year old and your unborn baby.

I cannot imagine how hard it is but it might be that you have no option but to do the handover and THEN fight like hell for increased contact and then residence.

I'm assuming you can't sleep?

More generally, Just you are going to need to learn how to calm down and play him at his own game.

Well, whatever the situation, your solicitor does not sound great - why on earth did they not contact you to tell you the outcome of the court case? I wonder if you should be looking for alternate representation, although you'd have to weigh that up with the timescale you're under.

I'm a little bit confused about why you didn't contact the solictors to find out either, but it does sound like you are in a very chaotic situation and I'm sure you had your reasons.

I hope it all works out.

What do you mean by "safe house" Op? Was it arranged through domestic abuse services or something you have done yourself? Who are you in danger from?

I don't have extensive court experience but I've never heard of a sol telling a client not to bother coming to a court hearing. They'd have asked to postpone the hearing.

Have you perhaps taken a bit of a 'head in the sane' approach out of fear, OP? I think this has been presented as an abduction. You really can't just ignore court orders - and it seems as though you have ignored quite a number by taking the child away and hiding out somewhere they can't find you in an attempt to evade the process (hence the enforced disclosure from your mum). You MUST go to court this time, do not ignore them again.

Is there any possibility that your solicitor fucked up and didn't turn up at the court either meaning your ex was unchallenged?

I think you need to phone your solicitor first thing on Monday. Or even try emailing or phoning now.

I am sorry but i am finding this all very hard to believe.

A record of DV as the op states and social services involvement mean that if all the above it true, residency would remain with mum or if mum was judged unfit then social service would issue a care order.

Never, were the track record of abuse/harassment is proven/established or even on going (i.e accused still waiting for the cps to decide whether or not to run with it) would a child be removed from a stable home and place with a proven/alleged abuser. NEVER.

And they ruled against cafcass?

You refused to comply to an enforcement order - refusing contact and then didn't attend court to address your concerns?

What you call clever harassment i.e via the courts and solicitors - isn't harassment. Unpleasant, a pain the ass, stressful? Yes but it perfectly legal and actually part and parcel of a unpleasant break up where children are concerned. Especially when both parents can't/ don't feel safe enough to communicate with one another. (I am one of these parents by the way and only communicate with my ex via email - because the changes in legal aid meant he no longer had legal representation and he could no longer afford to)

Striping you post back to the facts you have given -you are in the wrong. Legally. You need to act immediately. Email you solicitor - he has the facts

This is very odd.
Not turning up without being excused by the court will not go down well.
Change of residence after just one non attendance is also extremely strange. So, I think there is much more to this. However, legal advice is essential as is an urgent return to court. Good luck.

Hang on (v v delayed reaction) OP were you saying you were going to scan and upload the court orders!? To MN!?

With all the identifying info of yourself, ex and DC all over them!?

Bullshit. Who is that stupid?

OP if () this isn't a wind up, concentrate on getting legal advice.

Do NOT be tempted to post scanned court orders over the net.

Fideliney I think she was saying she'd do that following someone else saying she could do that but blacking out details... I don't think it's a good idea at all, but I think that was the context.

What is left of the average court order, though, once you have blacked out the details of the parties etc?

Oh yes there was a one line post by someone else I overlooked. Sorry.

But the OP doesn't NEED that level of help to determine whether a court order is genuine. She tells us herself there have been previous orders in a long saga concerning this DC. So she has comparators to hand.

She knew there was a hearing scheduled. She tells us she has flouted previous orders. So it is not astonishing that an order has been made.

WHY is she playing along with a spurious debate about the legitimacy of the order and offering to upload it?

On the worst weekend of her life whan she has far more pressing concerns?

Very odd.

She tells us the handover is supposed to take place in a CAFCASS office after all so a forgery would make no sense.

Hopefully the fact that she hasn't been back is a good sign one way or the other. Maybe she has spoken to her solicitor.

Back to the beach for me.

I didn't say it was a good idea! Obviously she shouldn't do it.

I think Benfold hit the nail on the head, in that theres obviously more going on, and that the OP may have failed to understand the likely results of her own actions. I wonder if the OP has refused to comply with the courts as from her perspective the ex and family have been using the courts to pursue a campaign of harassment against her. Unfortuneately by not engaging in the harassment, she has not engaged with the courts.

It's very sad whatever has happened and I hope the OP gets some really good legal advice.

Fideliney Beach... Oh the envy :)

If you have been served with the papers by a court official, why is there an order in there that your mother must reveal your whereabouts to the court?

The court knows where you are, if you have just been served.

Any wouldn't your lawyer have been served, not you?

This is not an unusual story at all. Frequently the courts take the approach that ANY father is better than no father no matter who he is and what he's done and should a mother, especially a DV victim, try to protect herself or her child then she is guilty of emotional abuse and parental alienation because of her fear and reaction rather than him being guilty of emotional abuse for the harassment and nastiness. It's really not unusual at all and it's a sad and sorry state of affairs the family courts have created. I believe the OPs story because it's far from the first time I've heard it.

You need to be attending court , stress is not good for a pregnancy but it doesn't cause miscarriages. I am sorry fir your previous losses.

The worst thing you can do is not attend court. if the court had no concerns and cafcass were advising that your dc should stay with you they wouldn't have awarded residency to your exp the judge will 99% of the time go with what cafcass advises and they have to have concerns if your only being given 1 hr supervised contact and I have never heard of a solicitor advising you not to attend court I take it that's this has been going on for a while so you will know that your ordered to attend. Pregnant or not you have to focus on the child you have and that means attending every court appointment to fight for your child and if exp ends up with your dc you will then have social services getting involved with your unborn dc so my advice is you need to get in touch with your solicitor first thing and find out what's going on

Did you speak with your solicitor?