Police called out to my crying screaming daughter!

[paulanthony1976]

Hi everyone,
So our families bank holiday was ruined by a knock at the door on Saturday night at 10.30pm by the police. Someone had reported a disturbance from our home which the police came to investigate.

I was in bed already, as were the kids, and my wife was getting ready for bed when they knocked us up and interrogated us like criminals. About an hour earlier my 3 year old daughter had been kicking screaming crying tantrum as she didn't want to go to bed, but she soon wore herself out and was fast asleep when the cops came.

They took my kids names and birthdays and school details etc, as well as my wives and mine personal and work details. They had a good look around the house, checked on the kids sleeping in their rooms, asked us lots of questions and then left. Upon leaving the police told us they were satisfied that it was a false alarm, that the matter was closed, and that we had nothing to be worried about.

The next day on Bank Holiday Sunday at 9am, the police returned to our cul-de-sac, knocked on all our friends/neighbours doors and asked lots of questions about our family and if they had heard noise. Needless to say when the police left all our friendly neighbours came back over to us to tell us about their interviews with the police and to get the gossip from us and to express their support to us, and to condemn the "snake in the grass" living among us, and the for wasting the police time.

Although we had done nothing wrong, we now feel like criminals, and losing sleep worrying. Not to mention being gossiped about by our neighbours, even though all our kids play together in the street.

We are really angry at being falsely accused of something, a 3 year old cannot legally create a disturbance, can they? also angry at being told it was a closed matter, when then the next day they came back to interrogate our friends and neighbours. Can I complain for harassment and intimidation, or for defamation and libel?

I am now walking on broken glass every time my kids throw a tantrum and fearful of another public complaint or visit by the police and/or social services.

Any thoughts or suggestions are welcomed please.

I see where you are coming from, though I find some of your turns of phrase a bit .

But if concerned neighbours sought "official" intervention more often, maybe some of the horrible cases of abuse and neglect would be nipped in the bud. In your case if the complaints truly are groundless then you have nothing to fear. I'm a bit surprised that a 3 yo can make that much noise. We are in a terraced house and despite the racket form doing controlled crying with 2 children and having no carpet our neighbours swear they never heard a thing.

While I can understand your feelings, no, you cannot complain about defamation etc.

One of your neighbours was sufficiently concerned about the well-being of your screaming, wailing dd to call the police. As it turned out, and as you knew, it was just an overtired toddler having a tantrum.

But your neighbour didn't know that, and neither did the police. So they checked.

They found your dc asleep and well, and, presumably, no signs of violence, so they closed the case and left. I'm not sure why they then spoke to your neighbours the next day, but perhaps the one who was concerned enough to call had called them again and reiterated worries, so they were just making sure.

The thing is, that while you were doing nothing wrong, in another case a child's life or well-being may have been at risk, which is why they had to check, to be certain.

File it under F for Forgotten, and carry on as normal. Your neighbour isn't a "snake in the grass", s/he was worried about your dd.

You are angry at being falsely accused of something? Of what?

Police are damned whatever they do. Maybe there had been other reports they were following up on? Maybe your neighbours shouldn't gossip and maybe you shouldn't leave your child to 'cry it out' at that time of night leaving others disturbed

Sorry, that was my thoughts rather than the legal advice you were hoping for.

I bet you're relieved to be living in a country where the police take calls regarding potentially abused children so seriously.

It's a wonderful ol' place at times isn't it?

Police were having a quiet Sunday with nothing better to do?

Chalk it up to experience and forget about it. Wouldn't you rather have neighbours who care enough to call for help if they are concerned than ones who ignore what they perceive to be a seriously distressed child?

OK, the policeman the night before told you the matter was closed, but presumably someone more senior decided to follow it up. You're not going to get anywhere at all complaining about harassment etc - what nonsense. Get a grip.

So somebody else's bank holiday was spoiled by your child's screaming tantrum. To the point they were concerned enough to have called the police. The police investigated. Good on them, rather than ignoring concerns.

You haven't been harassed, or intimidated - the police visited you once, said there was no case to answer, then left.

You haven't been defamed as presumably the police haven't gone around making false claims or accusations. You haven't been libelled as nothing has been published.

Honestly. I know it probably wasn't pleasant, but you need to move on.

I think I would rather have neighbours who called for help if they suspected child abuse than ones who ignored it and left a child at risk.

Yes, we've had the full glory of a structured CP interview at an A&E. It's a horrible feeling to realise that your being screened for harming your child. But you have to set it against the harm that comes if those suspicions were well-founded. "Why didn't the neighbours notice something and report is?" is a question I've seen too many times after a tragedy. And abuse can happen behind anyone's closed door.

But it doesn't have be ignore or call the police does it? Where is the social responsibility? There are other low risk options. A knock on the door perhaps?

The fact that they told you the case was closed and then the next day they went round interviewing your neighbours would have annoyed me. I think that's totally out of order and I would have gone to the police station asking for an explanation. You can't say a case is closed and then go and seek further "evidence". I think some of the comments you've received on this thread are harsh.

A knock on the door?

"Excuse me, I noticed your child was screaming, is everything OK?"
"Yes, everything is fine, she's just having a tantrum"
"OK, sorry to have bothered you"

You have no idea what happens subsequent to that conversation, do you?

OP - the Police followed up on a call from a neighbour who was sufficiently worried that they took the time to make that call. Consider yourself extremely lucky that you have a neighbour like that, and stop being so Daily Mail about it. Forget it, move on.

I think some poeples replies here a little harsh, but, as suggested by several other people here, we too wish the complainant had simply knocked on our door and made their own enquiries, We'd have happily invited them into our house to see that everything was fine with our kids.

We normally put the kids to bed about 7.30-8.00 on a school night but with the lighter nights and it being a bank holiday weekend we put them down about 8.45-9.30pm, hardly what we'd call late at night to cause sleep disturbance, as one of you seem to think it was?

The fact that our neighbours from 4 different houses did not hear any noises, makes us wonder how the complainant did? We've lived here for 5 years and get on well with all the families in our row who have been here about the same time as us. Exceot, for an older 50/60s single lady who moved in next door to us last month, she lives all on her own in a 4 bedroom house so us and our neighbours finger of blame is pointing towards this curtain twitching, newbie on the street! Maybe an old single lady should not have moved to a street full of young, vibrant, families with playful and LOUD children? Maybe, I should secretly drop some 'earplugs' through her letterbox as a little hint?

If it is who we think it is, then hopefully she won't go crying to the police everytime the kids quarrel, or everytime they get a telling off by us! This is the scenario that I wondered about, legally so-to-speak. At which stage would a neighbours baseless compaints begin to come under harassment, or defamation, or a nuisance, etc?

Fair enough, that someone higher up might have decided to investigate further the next morning, but the Police could surely have come back and updated us on those further enquires, to let us know what their outcome was, as we feel they could have and should have.

Also, instead of knocking up all our 'nice' neighbours first thing on a Sunday morning the police could of simply come back and surprised us that morning, then they could have saw the kids while they were up and about, to check they were okay or not. Not sure how they'd truely check otherwise while a kid is asleep!?

You sound charming Op. May I suggest you refrain from pointing your finger at the new neighbour and instead reflect that your 'nice' neighbours may not be telling you the truth.

I am now walking on broken glass every time my kids throw a tantrum and fearful of another public complaint or visit by the police and/or social services.

Baring in mind that this happened 2 days ago, how many tantrums do your kids have?!

Maybe, if it's a lot, your neighbour saw a repeated pattern of behaviour. Especially if it was getting towards 9.45pm which is not a normal bedtime for a 3 year old.

Perhaps she didn't feel confident enough to go to your door? She doesn't know if she's going to be told to "fuck off", or if you're the kind of person who might throw something at her window (both happened to my PIL who dared to knock on one of their new neighbour's door, despite living in a naice area). She's also entitled to move to whatever area she chooses.

She's obviously cared enough to phone the Police, who in turn have cared enough to respond to the call. Did you contact them to ask them why they then followed it up the next day?

Rather than putting ear plugs through her door, or talking about snakes in the grass, or claiming 'harrassment' deal with it maturely - move on, be glad you live in a society where concerns about child abuse are taken seriously, and ask for an explanation from the Police as to why they followed up the complaint the next day, if you feel that strongly about it.

I feel for you OP because I have a four year old who screams the house down every time he hears the word "No". My 11 year old is also prone to screaming fits when she hears the word "No" also,so this neighbour would have a field day living next door to us. I thank my lucky stars that our house is detached.

You're really overthinking this.

Someone was worried, the police checked, the end.

I wouldn't knock on someone's door if I thought they might be abusing their child, especially if I was a little old lady who probably couldn't defend themselves that well, but even just as myself, I don't want an earful for getting into somebody's business and I certainly wouldn't expect to be shown their children sleeping either.

If the neighbour keeps calling but the police can see there's clearly no issue then yes I expect the neighbour would be given a warning for wasting police time.

, for an older 50/60s single lady who moved in next door to us last month, she lives all on her own in a 4 bedroom house so us and our neighbours finger of blame is pointing towards this curtain twitching, newbie on the street! Maybe an old single lady should not have moved to a street full of young, vibrant, families with playful and LOUD children? Maybe, I should secretly drop some 'earplugs' through her letterbox as a little hint?

I'm 51 and we frequently can't use our own garden for next door's 3 children screaming and shouting. (not just playing and talking btw!) We have never said a word but often wonder why the parents appear to think it's ok to allow them to make such a racket that we can't just sit and chat or read a book in our own garden.

Now I see that we are old and should be given earplugs. again.

Maybe you should work on training your children to behave a little better.

I wouldn't be surprised if someone rang the police over to ours sometimes at bed times! I'd be a bit embarrassed but wouldn't complain about it, it's understandable with the amount of screaming! - if someone's concerned for a child they SHOULD ring the police or similar to checked it out, when they realise all is well they go away if it's not then thank god they made the call, no?

OP I do sympathise with both sides. My dd went though a stage of such bad tantrums, and night terrors, that we lived in fear of a neighbour calling the police, or in several episodes, someone being frightened that DH was abducting her (she had a few kicking tantrums while leaving places in the car). She was 5/6 so could make a lot of noise, and would shout "Help" at full volume if she had a night terror. Honestly the stress was so bad my hair was falling out. In our case the tantrums and nightmares coincided with my Dad and Aunt dying within a few months of each other, not long after our dog also died and I had a bad fall where dd saw me pass out on the floor and get taken away in an ambulance. Thankfully they have stopped. But i would not have blamed anyone for calling the police, I know that if I had been a stranger I would have called them too. My good friend saw one of the meltdowns and said that if she had heard it not knowing us, she would call the police. So the police are being reasonable to check up, but I completely get how horribly stressful it is. I'm sure the police will have been reassured by your neighbours and by seeing the children safe. The only thing I am surprised about is that your neighbour didn't knock on your door first, but probably it is one of the people you know less well, perhaps an older person?

Oh God, you sound full of self importance!

"Maybe an old single lady should not have moved to a street full of young, vibrant, families with playful and LOUD children? Maybe, I should secretly drop some 'earplugs' through her letterbox as a little hint?"

Maybe you should all show some fucking consideration and encourage your children to be a little QUIET at times?

I'm 51 and if you ever dared describe me as old I'd punch you on the nose .

Minty you expressed it so much more eloquently than I did

My DS has a hidden disability. I belong to various relevant support groups and many people have had visits from social services or the police. I do wish that people were that concerned and interested when I try to get help for him and the family. Suddenly when an articulate adult is asking for help it is no-one's problem. I do feel for you OP - I dread ss knocking on my door. I hold my head up high - I do the best I can do in not great circumstances. You need to do the same.