Police called out to my crying screaming daughter!

[paulanthony1976]

Hi everyone,
So our families bank holiday was ruined by a knock at the door on Saturday night at 10.30pm by the police. Someone had reported a disturbance from our home which the police came to investigate.

I was in bed already, as were the kids, and my wife was getting ready for bed when they knocked us up and interrogated us like criminals. About an hour earlier my 3 year old daughter had been kicking screaming crying tantrum as she didn't want to go to bed, but she soon wore herself out and was fast asleep when the cops came.

They took my kids names and birthdays and school details etc, as well as my wives and mine personal and work details. They had a good look around the house, checked on the kids sleeping in their rooms, asked us lots of questions and then left. Upon leaving the police told us they were satisfied that it was a false alarm, that the matter was closed, and that we had nothing to be worried about.

The next day on Bank Holiday Sunday at 9am, the police returned to our cul-de-sac, knocked on all our friends/neighbours doors and asked lots of questions about our family and if they had heard noise. Needless to say when the police left all our friendly neighbours came back over to us to tell us about their interviews with the police and to get the gossip from us and to express their support to us, and to condemn the "snake in the grass" living among us, and the for wasting the police time.

Although we had done nothing wrong, we now feel like criminals, and losing sleep worrying. Not to mention being gossiped about by our neighbours, even though all our kids play together in the street.

We are really angry at being falsely accused of something, a 3 year old cannot legally create a disturbance, can they? also angry at being told it was a closed matter, when then the next day they came back to interrogate our friends and neighbours. Can I complain for harassment and intimidation, or for defamation and libel?

I am now walking on broken glass every time my kids throw a tantrum and fearful of another public complaint or visit by the police and/or social services.

Any thoughts or suggestions are welcomed please.

Has anyone considered the person who rang the police in the first place, never actually gave details to them and the reason they were chasing it up the following day was actually that and they had indeed closed the case? A person can, as far as I am aware, phone crime stoppers or other agency and if they just give your address and say they are concerned for a child's welfare the police will come and check as they must. If there is no problem identified then the police are expected to then find out, if they can, who made the complaint, as it could be considered to be malicious by the police.

When I read what you wrote about them coming back again and speaking to neighbours that was what I assumed they were doing.

Sometimes people don't feel safe knocking on doors in these situations so I can understand why the person didn't do that.

Seriously, if you come across as badly in rl as you do here, I'm not surprised they looked into it more.
Yes. Indeed.

Perhaps you are asking the wrong questions, OP. Maybe this should be a wake-up call that you actually aren't doing everything right, with your children or your neighbours?

weatherall I agree.

tiredandsadmum Mine has too and I am 1/ glad that I live in a semi and 2. glad that my neighbours are understanding.

Loving all these perfect parents with diamond encrusted children that never have a tantrum though! If the OP wrote a thread saying his DD had a tantrum he would be told it is normal/a phase and not to worry.

If the OP wrote a thread saying his DD had a tantrum he would be told it is normal/a phase and not to worry

What??

That's got nothing to do with it.

He knew it was just a tantrum but whoever phoned the police didn't.

Op I feel sorry for you.

My son aged 3.5 has a sleep disorder an arousal disorder) which causes him to move around, scream and shout in his sleep. Episodes often last up to 30 minutes, and he has previously actually blackened his eye whilst having an episode ( his bed is now totally padded all over to prevent this). Whilst he is like this we cannot wake him and he becomes more agitated if we try to soothe him, he often screams 'NO!!' And 'GET OFF' and 'IT HURTS' you get the idea.

On top of this he is being assessed for ASD and often has total meltdowns which to be honest are so violent I live in fear of someone calling the police or social services.

Thankfully we have nice neighbours and thick stone walls but I made sure very son after moving here to let them know of the situation and asked them to please talk to me if they ever felt concerned about DS as I could imagine it would be upsetting for them to hear through the walls.

If the police turned up it would affect me really terribly!!

My children have tantrums. Of course they do. But they have never had a tantrum at 9.30pm because they are asleep then.

Perhaps the person didn't just ring because of the noise that night?

Your description of your new neighbour is really horrible, and your subsequent replies to some posters has made you sound like an unpleasant bully.

I hope you are doing yourself a massive disservice on this thread, and you aren't really like this in real life.

Nobody has perfect children.

OP has described a street full of loud, screaming, out of control children though. Which he seems to think is fine.

He has strange ideas about appropriate bedtimes for toddlers.

He has criticised a woman in her 50s for daring to move into the street and decided she is an unreasonable killjoy who was resposible for the police report. All on no evidence whatsoever.

I think your mindset towards the "older" lady is unbelievable.
You seem to resent the fact she is living in a 4 bedroomed house by herself and imply she knows nothing about children. Do you know anything about her or her circumstances, other than that she has chosen to live in your street and is older than you?
You have no evidence that this lady phoned the police. All you know is that your over-tired child screamed so loudly that someone was genuinely concerned about her welfare.
You know she was just over-tired, the other person did not. The police took the incident seriously enough to decide it warranted investigation. Very upsetting for you.
But - please do not think that this can in anyway constitute anti-social behaviour. Your "playful" suggestion about dropping ear plugs through your new neighbour's letter box is anti-social. Yes, the sound of children playing can be delightful. It can also piss people off - even their own parents.
BTW - one day you too will reach the grand old age of 50. Are you planning to move away to a retirement home, far removed from "young, vibrant families" when you do?
YABVU. Your child was screaming. If you heard screams coming from a house, no matter how "nice" you thought the occupants were, wouldn't you be concerned?

OP, what do you mean by 'YOUNG-ER families who like to party?' Does that mean loud music? In which case it is possible that this was just the last straw for whoever complained?

If its a one off anon call police wont try and trace the caller. They dont have the resources or technology etc required to do it.

in our force even if you gave a name & address but stipulated you dont want contact then that will pretty much be respected.

if cops ask who the reporter is and are told its anon then thats it unless the call has been to report a potentially life threatening incident

Checking with neighbours is done to double check, for instance in this case, that its not a regular occurance to hear the child screaming etc

Dd has behavioural issues (CAMHS involved etc) She had a major meltdown one evening on the way out as I was trying to get her into the car. A neighbour came out to see if she was OK. I was grateful tbh. It's nice to know people do care and won't just look the other way. I thanked him for taking the trouble.

If the OP wrote a thread saying his DD had a tantrum he would be told it is normal/a phase and not to worry

What??

That's got nothing to do with it

Well, it has because some posters are implying it is unreasonable/sign of bad parenting/sign of a 'disturbed' child to have a tantrum. Which is ridiculous and most people would say as much [if the thread was focusing on a 3 yr old having one]

I thought ignoring tantrums was the correct course of action? Or should we all be intervening in case the neighbours call the police now?

9.30/9.45 would be a suitable bedtime for a 3.7 year old of mine if her sleeping had got messed up during the day, eg: by a late sleep in the car.

OP - as the case is closed I'd be checking that the police have not kept any records in relation to the enquiries made after that time.

You don't come across as a particularly pleasant or rational person... Maybe it is just how you type but maybe it is how your 'nice' neighbours see you. Maybe one of them didn't feel comfortable to knock on your door and check things are ok. Maybe they are intimidated by you?

As for the police they were doing there job

And yes 845-930 is too late for bedtime.

I would hope that police do keep their records of enquiries when a possible domestic is involved? Genuine question.

Any records they have after the initial visit though are backing up the OP that everything is ok

Surely theyre better kept so if there was any further calls they know from the start there's been previous unsubstantiated calls.

Is it illegal for a child to make noise by having a tantrum? no.

Are you trying to claim you were reported because of the noise rather than a concern for your DDs welfare? Really??

I wish neighbours had intervened when my brothers and I were being abused. For years we lived a miserable life.

I am glad your daughter was ok an just throwing a tantrum. And sorry you feel aggrieved but I don't see that it was a wrong call.

Society shouldn't stand by to kids screaming. More could be saved.

brdgrl they ARE kept.

Thanks, red.

Becca, that worries me, if it would be the case that if you report a concern about a child you could then be "done" for malicious behaviour if there was in fact nothing wrong? That would put me off raising concerns, if in fact that would happen. Concerns are just that, concerns, not accusations.

Are you trying to claim you were reported because of the noise rather than a concern for your DDs welfare? Really??

Good point. Are you?

Amber I think most people are responding to the claim that 9.30 is a perfectly fine time to keep a three year old up until!

The tantrum was caused by the OP creating the monster that is an overtired three year old!