Police called out to my crying screaming daughter!

[paulanthony1976]

Hi everyone,
So our families bank holiday was ruined by a knock at the door on Saturday night at 10.30pm by the police. Someone had reported a disturbance from our home which the police came to investigate.

I was in bed already, as were the kids, and my wife was getting ready for bed when they knocked us up and interrogated us like criminals. About an hour earlier my 3 year old daughter had been kicking screaming crying tantrum as she didn't want to go to bed, but she soon wore herself out and was fast asleep when the cops came.

They took my kids names and birthdays and school details etc, as well as my wives and mine personal and work details. They had a good look around the house, checked on the kids sleeping in their rooms, asked us lots of questions and then left. Upon leaving the police told us they were satisfied that it was a false alarm, that the matter was closed, and that we had nothing to be worried about.

The next day on Bank Holiday Sunday at 9am, the police returned to our cul-de-sac, knocked on all our friends/neighbours doors and asked lots of questions about our family and if they had heard noise. Needless to say when the police left all our friendly neighbours came back over to us to tell us about their interviews with the police and to get the gossip from us and to express their support to us, and to condemn the "snake in the grass" living among us, and the for wasting the police time.

Although we had done nothing wrong, we now feel like criminals, and losing sleep worrying. Not to mention being gossiped about by our neighbours, even though all our kids play together in the street.

We are really angry at being falsely accused of something, a 3 year old cannot legally create a disturbance, can they? also angry at being told it was a closed matter, when then the next day they came back to interrogate our friends and neighbours. Can I complain for harassment and intimidation, or for defamation and libel?

I am now walking on broken glass every time my kids throw a tantrum and fearful of another public complaint or visit by the police and/or social services.

Any thoughts or suggestions are welcomed please.

I'd drop it to be honest. You don't know who it was, and its not a good idea to guess and point the finger.

I do understand how you're feeling. I would be horrified if it happened to me. I would be embarrassed that my Dc's behaviour was disturbing the neighbours to that extent and that they were talking about me an I would be worried about how any investigation might affect me and my DC but ultimately, as others have said it is a good thing that a neighbour acted on concerns she had for a child and it is a good thing that the authorities are investigating them properly.

YABU. How was the informant to know that your child was okay? And that you'd be friendly and invite her in to check? And that her checking would not cause consequences for either herself or the child?

This person was not out to get you. They were concerned for your child. You should regard them as a friend and a valuable neighbour.

Harassment and intimidation? Because someone dared check on your child? You sound extremely defensive.

Think I'd be more embarrassed by my child having kicking screaming tantrum at that time of night. My child is only allowed those tantrums during sociable hours.

Nothing wrong with a single lady in a 4bed house, I'd trade her any day over one of my wanky neighbours and bastard barking dogs

I feel sorry for your neighbour.

Your last post makes you sound extremely unpleasant.

I'm not surprised your new neighbour (if indeed it was her who complained) was scared to knock on your door.

You should be pleased that the police take complaints seriously. This may save a child one day.

I would rather people like you (or indeed me) are questioned by the police unnecessarily than have a child's abuse go unnoticed and unreported.

Oh it's a horrible thing to go through op.

We had a insane neighbour who would threaten police if my youngest had a tantrum. Even while walking up stairs in our close.I was walking on eggshells too fir a while.

You must have been very worried - why not phone 101 and just check the matter is closed?

My child is only allowed those tantrums during sociable hours.

Lucky you! Mine don't look at the clock first.

I did call the police this morning to ask for copies of the complaint, statements and final outcome of their 'further enquries' with my neighbours, they will apparently get back to me with a response in 10 working days...

Regarding age, I didnt say old, I said that 50s-60s was old-er, I wouldn't say 51 is old, but it is considerably old-er than someone in their 30s, isnt it?

As for the suggestion of "training" a 3 year old girl and a 6 year old boy to be "quiet" or to be "considerate", if you could please let me know where you live then I'll happily stop by your house so that you can show me your methods on how to train toddlers to be "quiet" and "considerate"! RIDICULOUS! All children make some noise, and all children are focused on themselves rather than others at this young age, its all part of growing up and normal child development.

As one reply also mentioned, sometimes when my kids hear the answer "no" to sweets, tv, or bedtime, then screaming inevitably ensues! I'd personally be a lot more worried about the well-being of a quiet, reclusive child than a loud vocal one!

I have reported separate incidents to the police, to social services and to teachers at school where I have felt there MIGHT be a danger to a child. This is the right thing to do if there is any doubt.

I would not be qualified to investigate and judge the child's safety myself and approaching parents that I don't know would definitely not be the right thing to do, in my opinion.

And I can then sleep easy in my bed at night!
The important word is MIGHT. I would not for one minute expect that just because I had some grounds for concern that is the end of the matter.

I also have a child who can scream for hours. I would not be worried if the police or social services came to investigate. I would be pleased that people care.

I don't think the OP is being falsely accused but is over reacting.

OP I was with you till you got all sulky and self righteous on your neighbour's ass

Old?!?

I can imagine you were embarrassed and mortified but try and remember that the person who called the police no doubt did it from good intent because they were worried about your child. It wasn't personal

old single lady is what you said.

Erm excuse me OP you decribed her as "an old single lady" who apparently lives in a house you consider to large for her. How very dare she live where the bloody hell she likes eh?

It strikes me as a bit odd that you're more concerned with how to possibly sue the police than worried that you may potentially be seen as a child abuser.

Direct quote:

Maybe an old single lady should not have moved to a street full of young, vibrant, families

That's where you called her old. HTH.

I suspect complaining tends to back fire. Having a very low profile with police and social services sadly is usually the wisest course in most countries.

of course all of us know it could be any of us with screaming children reported - except we are not too hear anyone so in that sense protected!

horrible experience for you but i'd try and be pragmatic. whoever it was was concerned for your daughter. if you're not used to 3 yo tantrums they can be quite shocking. my 3 yo sounds absolutely awful and i've wondered what people think when they walk past.

i'm glad the police took it seriously. they should do.

but they saw she was ok, and that you were ok.

i would be glad that someone cared enough tbh. in this day and age a lot of people just ignore.

Ok op here's a scenario - blood curdling screams from a neighbours house. Do you:

a) ignore - after all it's probably a child having a tantrum rather than being beaten to a pulp and it's worth taking that chance isn't it;

b) knock on the door and risk being beaten to a pulp yourself as you don't know how the occupants will react;

c) just on the off chance something is not right call the police - at least you know they'll check things out, and if there is a child being abused they'll know what to do.

Go on OP you choose.

My DS injured himself badly on two seperate occasions one day after the other. One was an injury to his arm and the other to his head. Both required a trip to the hospital. We got a visit from social services afterwards who were clearly checking things out. It didn't BO ther me in the slightest, I wasn't 'offended' and I more than happy to answer questions and let them spend time with the kids.

If you hear a child having kicking screaming crying tantrum how are you supposed to know what is actually happening. I don't think you have any choice but to call the police. Of course kids have screaming tantrums but if you don know the kid or if it's out the blue it wouldn't be right to ignore it.

OP, I think its unfair to be so angry at the person who called the police. You have no idea who did it and it could easily be one of your 'friendly' nieghbours. You should let this go, you haven't been accused or harassed. Even the person who reported it may have simply told the police what they were hearing (a screaming child). You have no idea that they were presuming there was anything untowards going on.

Look. It can't have been very nice to have the police at the door. YOU know you wouldn't harm your child but ultimately nobody else knows that and as others are trying to point out, better ten parents investigated and it coming to nothing, than one getting away with abuse.

My son used to screech blue murder when I tried to wash his hair. STOP IT MUMMY YOURE HURTING MEEEEEEE (I wasn't) and during tantrums would scream things like "GET AWAY FROM ME! DONT TOUCH ME!!!!" (I was nowhere near him - he likes drama) and I always used to dread a knock at the door but if it had happened I'd have been philosophical about it.

Move on.