Can this actually be ordered in a court?!

[CouthyMow]

I am asking on behalf of my friend.

Background situation : she has four DC's. Her first two have different fathers to her second two. She split up with the father of the youngest two about 3 months ago.

At the first court hearing, an occupation order was made for her abusive ex to move back into the house. With much help from me, she managed to go back to court, higher court rather than local (different judge, local one well known for being very misogynistic). Got occupation order lifted, but had to let him into the house from 8.45-3.45 every week day, and all weekend every other weekend.

Her oldest two DC's refused to share the house with him from the moment the occupation order was made, and stayed with my friend's mum.

He is making all sorts of spurious allegations about my friend, all untrue.

For the holidays, the order stated he was allowed in the house from 8.45 Monday till 3.45 Thursday. The older girls moved back in as they missed their mum and their younger siblings. The ex moved in with the next door neighbour.

We got Women's Aid involved, who were
horrified. They got an earlier court date, today, and CAFCASS were meant to prepare a report on the effect this was having on the older two DC's having someone who has been abusive to them and very verbally aggressive towards them, in their home. It wasn't complete in time.

My friend has been told in court today that she HAS to leave the house from Monday through till Thursday. Her older DC's (15 and 10yo) can stay though. But they don't WANT to if he is there and their mum isn't there to protect them and stand up for them. She was also told that given his (UNTRUE) allegations against her, the court could seek a Section 37 and get ALL FOUR of her kids put in Foster Care.

My friend is in bits, her ex repeatedly tells her that he is going to destroy her, he will take all FOUR DC's away from her (even the two that aren't his and hate him and don 't even want to be in the house when he is there), and he will take the house away, and he won't stop until she is in the gutter.

Can the courts REALLY do this? It seems to me like they are complicit in his abuse of her!

And she has just texted me to say that her 4-weekly child benefit hasn't been paid today, and she has JUST opened a letter saying that he is trying to get her child benefit.

Please, tell me what I can do to help her, the courts are helping her ex to continue to abuse her she is in bits.

The courts are leaving her homeless for 3.5/4 days out of the week, when it is HER housing association house, HER tenancy, he wasn't even a joint tenant FFS!!

Ok , Id get creative with this sneaky fucker .

Get your friend to have someone stay over with her . Even if it is several different friends and relatives staying in " shifts" .

Obviously visiting to support your friend during this difficult time .

This would give her a witness to his shite , enable her to stay in her home , and reduce the bastard ex's chances of driving her out of her home.

Hell, I'd get as many people to stay over as possible . Drive the bastard out !

The courts haven't stipulated that she can't have relatives to stay , or that they can't visit when she has to be gone ? ...has anyone got a tent she could use when she's court ordered out the house ? Pitch it in the garden , then she's still on property ...so kids are still under her care ;-) ( technically anyway ) .

Hope she never gives in to that fucker . Get it back in court ASAP .

Can she not take all the dc and go into WA as he is being emotionally abusive? This would also mean she wasn't on her own with her dc and their would be evidence that she has a warm, loving, nurturing relationship with all of her dcs?

I'd also teach the older kids to use their mobile phones voice recorders , and to video "the tormenting , by shifting stuff in and out of cupboards " .

She paid a deposit to HA?? Never heard of that either!

He isn't on the tenancy. So I cannot understand how he has a legal right to be there. Maybe your friend should get a phil Mitchell type boyfriend. I'm furious on her behalf.

There are people here who have worked for HA's. Surely elevate is a way to remove him legally. My own ex, in theory, could do this too I suppose

No refuge space for older DC's. Refuge not taking DC over school age right now (or for the last year, one of my other friends had to leave her older two DC's at HER mum's while she took the two toddlers up the refuge). So refuge is a no-go with older children right now.

Though WA are trying to place her, her 15yo being unable to move school because she is doing more unusual GCSE's is an issue.

If she goes to a refuge could the older dc go back to her mums? Surely the could visit/spend waking time together outside of school but sleep seperately?

All HA's in our town have asked for 1 months rent up front as a deposit?! Mine did 8 years ago, and did a year ago when I moved to a larger house. And I'm with a different HA to her, but hers did the same. HA deposit more affordable than Private rent as only 1 month rent up front.

Get your friend to post here herself.

They could, but don't want to be separated from Mum again. Friend's mum is only in a bungalow, and the 15yo was having to sleep on the sofa, 10yo in a blow up bed.

Took our mutual friend 22 weeks to get a TEMPORARY too small house to get out of the refuge. So 22 weeks in the refuge, then she's STILL in a house a year after that that hasn't got room (literally) for all 4 of her DC.

Friends DC don't want to spend so long without their mother!

No Internet access. She can only do it when she is at mine, and she is at her mum's tonight as she was ordered not to return.

She's worried about him stealing her post too. Hiding bills etc. he has been hiding her mail since he got the occupation order. She nearly list her Income Support because he hid the letter for her back to work appointment.

FUCK. Just realised - if he has put in a claim for child benefit for the youngest then his next move will be her tax credits and income support!

And Tax Credits will have to do the same as Child Benefit and stop her TC's for ALL her DC because he will be claiming from HER address!!!

Fuck how do I stop this she will have no money to even feed her older two!!!

I wonder if you will find am excuse to ignore any of the suggested solutions and further excuses will be found. I wish your friend well.

Yes, child benefit is the gate way benefit, which is why she has to take the oldest away, it is having them that will get the youngest back.

She needs to ring them and try and explain

Could she get her mail re directed?

MrsJR?

He has done this before, walk away with what she can, prove she is a good mum them use sibling relations and statements from the day ex wife to show court.

Dhs ex claimed child benefit for a child that lived with us and not her - they stopped everything - for my children and theirs.

It took months to get it sorted but they did back date it.

Can WA invite someone from the HA - also contact your MP and ask her/him to come to it too.

I'm really NOT trying to ignore any suggestions, I have tried them all with her, we have hit brick walls at every turn.

I'm posting on here because I AM out of ideas! I'm usually able to find solutions to most things, but this seems unsolvable.

If she walks away, where does she walk TO?

Her mum can't put her up indefinitely, and has no money to support the older DC's with, when they were staying there before, my friend was giving her mum half the Tax Credits and half the Child Benefit to cover their food etc, she was only keeping the half she needed for the younger two. Without the money, her mum won't be able to feed them.

No money for a new deposit, can't afford private rented housing anywhere her 15yo can get to school from.

Neither me nor our other friends can put them up for more than one might at a time due to our tenancies or income support, and we are all either on benefits or in NMW jobs trying to feed our own families.

I don't know if she knows how to contact the twin who knocked on her door, he came to her, I will ask her in the morning if she could get in touch with the Ex's ex wife. Too late to ring her again now, will ask in the morning.

MP is one I HADN'T thought of. So that could be worth a try, he has been helpful to me in the past with various issues.

Crisis loan?

She already has outstanding budgeting loans to cover the furniture he removed when he left, so she might not get one, but worth a try. Will get her to pick up a form in town. Worst they can say is no.

Private rented deposit is 3 months up front for HB claimants here, plus first month's rent in advance, and usually tenant on HB requires a guarantor earning over £25,000 pa. Doubt she would get 4 months worth of rent as a crisis loan.

Don't know if you can get a crisis loan if your claim is suspended for investigations though?

Can be few of you share the burden, you have friend and oldest two and week, them to her mums for a week and so on, until she gets him out.

Could try. Might cause ME problems with MY ex though, as he comes to my house for access. And he's a bit of a twunt though nothing LIKE as bad this makes me see the good in MY abusive ex FFS! so could make waves for me. I could probably only do 3 days at a time, only one night if no money for food.

It's the lack of money for food that will cause the problems IMO. You can't claim CTC without an address, and you can't have two single claims at the same address unless it is registered as a multiple occupancy dwelling. Which none of our friends houses are.

I honestly CANNOT afford to feed anyone else's family more than once a week, and I doubt any of our other friends can either. We all get CTC so she can't claim for hers from any of our addresses. I can help emotionally, I can help by trying to get her support, but financial support is beyond me.

And how is walking away from her younger DC's going to help? It will be seen as abandonment! One is just about to start Reception, aged 4, the other is just 17mo!

She can claim at her mums.

She can see kids called contact, just live away in short term from youngest. The key to her getting kids is to show she can good Mum, taking oldest away from abuse. Then she gets youngest as kids best interest to live with siblings they always lived with, she will get house back he will be asked to leave.