A court order to stop them moving out of the COUNTY, not the country!! It's quite possible that he could get a court order to stop you moving that distance.
Slow down. You're getting GREAT advice here, if you sit back and think about it. If your ex took you to court, these are EXACTLY the questions that would be thrown at you! Lots of stuff you haven't even thought of - because (I have no doubt) you're a good mum, and to you, the question of whether your ex would be the better carer is ridiculous.
But in court this is EXACTLY the kind of attitude you would face. And if you got angry and insulted at the feeling that they were actually questioning your parenting, and gave some of the sharp replies you've given here, you would come across REALLY badly. You DON'T want to do that!!!
You have to think the way the court would think, and put your pride aside.
So. Suggestions. The first thing that occurs to me is the same thing that many of the others have said. On the face of it, your ex, with his flat and alredy having one child 'successfully' living with him (yes the reality might be quite different, but you won't be able to prove that, and if you accuse him of stuff you can't back up, you will look bad) - he looks fairly stable.
Your situation looks less stable, because you are relying on others. Yes, the reality is that you know you would have better support with your sister, but you need to think THEIR way. And they will be thinking, 'Can she cope? Is she just leaning on others?'
I have two suggestions:
- That you try and head off all this court stuff before it even happens. I don't know how friendly you are with your ex, but if you can, meet with him to discuss this. Talk in terms of your TEMPORARY move to be with your sister in Brighton. Tell him that what you want long-term is for your children to live close to him, so the siblings will grow up together. But right now, the best thing FINANCIALLY for both of you as parents is for you to go to be with your sister. Tell him you really don't want to have to lean on him financially, you don't want to have to start asking for more maintenance or go to the CSA (
) - so right now, you want to move down to Brighton, save some cash, have help with the kids while you do some training, anything. Then your plan is to come back to Coventry once you're on your feet. Make sure you say that the only end result of him going to court would be him being made to pay more for the kids, with residence most likely to stay with you anyway. A court order might not be too good for him either!
- The suggestion that you report yourself homeless is a good one. Get to Shelter or CAB, go to the council and say that your parents are kicking you out. You will get housed more quickly. I know that this isn't really your plan - that you want to go to Brighton - but it does give you a home of your own, and in the end that is actually going to give you more support and stability than being at your sister's place, isn't it? Think about it - if you go to hers, then you'll still not have a home of your own for yourself and your children. Also, you'll have to start finding money for contact trips, which will be expensive, and you'll make the relationship between yourself and your ex lots worse. I'm guessing he's an arse (!) - but the reality is you're going to have to have him in your life... so why not be clever and do your best to turn him into a pussycat? Sooo much easier to deal with!! :) - 'Your relationship with the kids is more important to me than going away - so I'm going to do my best to find a place here.' Flatter flatter. If you're smart, you want to turn that pain in the butt of an ex into someone who's not going to spend their life hassling you, as well as a free babysitting service, don't you?
This would be the best way to do that, plus as I said you actually get a home of your own. Going to Brighton wouldn't give you that.
Best of luck! I think you will do JUST FINE - keep your wits about you and stay cool, and THINK about all the options. They are out there for you!