Change in contact order!

[Stressed74]

Hi, my ex husband has decided he is going to take me back to court to make sure that I allow him to see his daughter. I have never once stopped him from seeing his daughter and have happily agreed to him seeing her whenever family on his side have also wanted contact with her.
The current contact order states that he sees daughter for 3 days after his 6 at work, this is rotational so never the same days!
Over the years I have willingly changed the court order to allow continuation of contact when ex's shifts have changed.
The draft order has come through and he wants to change everything! He is planning to move to our town, he doesn't live that far away at mo about ten mins away, and when he does he wants the court to agree that our daughter has one week with him and one week with me etc, he's changing all holidays that have been agreed verbally.
Currently it was verbally agreed between us that he would see daughter every other weekend in line with his days off. This is perfect for us as a family, and incidentally is what I proposed in 2004 but he said he couldn't change his work patterns!
My daughter is almost 12 and has expressed that she does not want things to change and does not want to be forced into when she sees her dad, she has explained that to her dad who basically told her opinion didn't count and if that's what the judges decide then that's what will happen.
She has had this routine for 11 years, she has lived with me and my partner who has been fantastic at supporting daughter through everything and for the past 4 years has also lived with her little brother.
My daughter is saying that she does not want to see her father this weekend and based on emails and texts he has sent me and the fact he has admitted that he calls me names and slagged me off in front of our daughter I am deeply concerned about forcing her to go. I don't want to force my daughter but am confused over the legality of it technically not being in line with the contact order.
Also, do the courts genuinely listen to the children, ardbthey likely to agree that tearing a family apart is right just because his step children have all left home now? So confused!

Ive already been told by her that if shes forced to do it she'll runaway! Which again is heartbreaking coming from a twelve year old especially when her father is just not interested in anything she tells him!

Its consuming my life and hers aswell....

Stressed74 Perhaps you could "edit" the "draft order" proposed by your ex's legal team to something you feel more comfortable with, then deliver that to his solicitors for consideration. If, after one or more attempts, you and your ex can arrive at a version of the draft order you are both willing to accept, you could just write a letter including that version in the text and saying you are willing to consent to this order and are also agreeable to the court issuing the order without a hearing. Then just deliver a copy of that letter to the court and to your ex's solicitor. This would avoid any last minute negotiations outside the court and enable the court to issue the order without having to arrange any hearings. It would also avoid any need for Cafcass to do anything, eg ask you and your daughter and your ex loads of intrusive questions.

Hi, im a 12 year old girl and i am being forced to live with my dad because of my mom. She has cancer and she doesnt want to take care of me because she claims that i am "bad" and because she does not have the strength to. The tuth is taht she doesn't even take care of me, my grandma. My parents are divorced of course and i dont wan tt lvie with my dad. Also, how can i brignt his to court? I want to fight for my rights not being forced to. Will teh judges listen to my wishes or my moms? My dad doesn't care whether i live with him ro not, he only cares if i see him or not. Also, i would like to really really brign this up to court, but i do not know how. I would liek to live with my grandma but both of my parents disagree. These are my wishes and i should be granted with them. Plus, when i wa ssmall my mom wouldn't even be around i spent 50% of my lfie with my grandma and i dont want to stop. I would really liek to lvie her, neithe rmy parnets liek it or not. AI dotn want to be rude but if they make me i mgith yell at them, i am powerful in my own ways and will fight for what is right for me. My mom has alread submitte dthe paper work and i will start living wit hmy da din teh beginning of May. I would really need some help right now! I really need to go to court for this or else my mom will regret this desicion. I am stubborn and know what iw ant, i will not see, talk, or listen to my mom if she make sme live with my dad. She will NVER, i repeat NEVER EVER, see me again. Still the paper was signed by her but not written by her. Her friends have encouraged her to send me to my dads but i disagree. BTW, the visitation is every2 weeks on mondays and tuesday ebcause its my dads day off and i would like to keep it the same.Can you pelase tell me how? I feel like im being bullied. Do you think i will be successful? I dont want to lsoe my mom, btu if i ahve to i will. This is my lfie and i should have ymy choice to control my life.

You should contact NYAS- National Youth Advocacy Service. They are there to help young people in your situation be heard by the courts. They are based in Liverpool but have a nationwide presence.
[http://www.nyas.net/index.html]

xsteella I think you probably aren't Stressed74's 12 year old daughter, and may be American, due to you using the word "Mom" instead of "Mum". I'm not a lawyer, but don't think any court in the UK or USA will be very keen on receiving "applications" for "orders" from 12 year olds, eg acting as a litigant in person, due to not having any money to pay a lawyer. I think your best option may be to ask your grandma to apply to the court for an order saying you can live with her with contact visits to your mom and dad. In the UK I think your grandma could apply for a "residence order", as a litigant in person ie directly to the court, if she wished. However, I think the court would only issue the order if both of your parents were agreeable to it. If you can get your parents to agree to, ie "consent" to, you residing at your grandma's, I think it would then be easy for the court to issue an appropriate order, which I think would mean , at least here in England, your grandma would share parental responsibility for you with both of your parents. But it may be easiest for you to be "officially" residing at your dad's, but actually residing at your grandma's 95% of the time, with your dad's consent.

xsteella

Assuming you are in Engalnd and Wales, the reason why people come to lawyers for advice rather than ask their mates can be summed up in wasthatthatguy's last post. Never seen so much nonsense re the court not making an order unless both your parents agreed!

Anyway, NYAS was set up by a professor of Law at Liverpool University who now happens to sit as a county court judge, so it is a respecable organisation held in high regard by the court. Go to them for advice, and perhaps steer away from what is on message boards like this one.

Collaborate is spot on. NYAS (or the Scottish Child Law Centre here in Scotland) are respected by the courts and do sterling work ensuring the voices of children and young people are taken into account.