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Original poster

Mums of 4 come and talk to me please especially if you have small gaps

87 replies

sweetkitty · 02/07/2009 23:22

Currently we have almost 5yo DD1, 3 1/2 yo DD2 and almost 1yo DD3, have decided to go for number 4.

There are a hundred reasons to stop at 3 like we need to build an extension, bigger car, SPD in pregnancy, we have no family help so just me and DP, time with each of them, money, money and money.

Only one reason for, both DP and I really want another, we thought our family would be complete with 3 but it doesn't feel like it at all, hate hate hate all the trying for a boy, we do not especially want a boy, chances are we would have DD4 anyway.

I am dreading the pregnancy but would love another little person about the place.

Please come and share you experiences with me, everyone in RL would think I am utterly insane

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Original poster
sweetkitty · 07/07/2009 22:47

Oh I am not even thinking about a DS would be so so alien to me although I bet it's like he has always been here to you a boy we don't do boys. No DD4 here we come, DH often jokes that I am cloning myself, DDs all look like me lol

OP posts:
bronze · 07/07/2009 23:20

Seems like 4th babies are laid back. Mine is so chilled and after two very intense and one middling its nice tohave a more chilled one. I was just 22 when I had my first and just 28 when I had my last

lockets · 07/07/2009 23:32

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MrsSpringsteen · 08/07/2009 01:06

sk five girls !!!

i have 6 men in my house

12 testicles!

Original poster
sweetkitty · 08/07/2009 09:38

12 testicles pmsl

can you imagine poor DP during the teenage years though? he keeps saying to me "SK I was a teenage boy, I know what teenage boys are like, they are getting locked up!"

My 3 girls are very high maintenance, fiesty and demanding, they definitely know their own mind even DD3 who is the worst by far, I would love to know what it is like to parent a laid back child

OP posts:
mrsdisorganised · 08/07/2009 09:51

Funny how you just assume after a couple the same sex you will have another. We have 4DDs and DH won't even discuss a boys name for db5 as he is convinced it will be a girl! He has a girls name already......oh well in for a shock if it's a boy, poor thing with all these emotional girls

Nemoandthefishes · 08/07/2009 09:55

Lockets so glad we arent the only ones who talk about an alusive missing child..lol We wanted a boy called Sam have done since ds was born and even now we are complete at 4 DH keeps mentioning 'Sam'. Sadly finances and housing dictates there will only be 4 little fishes

I also have 2 intense one middling and now a seemingly laid back!!

MrsSpringsteen · 08/07/2009 20:39

laid back ones are a doddle!

Feisty cause me to scream - I have virtually lost my voice atm

Swedes · 08/07/2009 20:42

MrsSpringsteen LOL at 12 testicles.

MrsSpringsteen · 08/07/2009 20:45

what can I say?'

largeginandtonic · 08/07/2009 20:47

Oh man up Sweetkitty twill only be 4...

Go on, is is such fun. My #4 was the easiest by far. He just slotted in

Swedes · 08/07/2009 20:55

I would stick at 3 if I were you. Number four children slot in because they have to, because there's no more give in the family.

MrsSpringsteen · 08/07/2009 20:58

number fives however create havoc

largeginandtonic · 08/07/2009 21:01

Swedes surely no more than #2 would slot in?

largeginandtonic · 08/07/2009 21:02

No it is #6's that create the real havoc. Once you get to #7 it is all easy again

MrsSpringsteen · 08/07/2009 21:08

I'll let you know large g and t!!!!

number six is a dude chez us ...sweet and above all cheerful!

largeginandtonic · 08/07/2009 21:14

Lucky you!

lockets · 08/07/2009 23:59

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MrsSpringsteen · 09/07/2009 00:25

Lockets! My numbers 4 5 and 6 have not 'slotted in' they have not made my life easier but i am very very glad they are here

GertieGoat · 09/07/2009 00:27

I have 3 dds and last one ds and without him our family did not feel complete. He is adorable, mothered by all, but has a great sense of humour and makes us all laugh.

I love my dds but we all feel a proper family now that ds has come into our lives.

There's a 4 year gap between dd3 and ds and it's perfect as they play together all the time and the older ones help me out too so I can really enjoy them all.

I would never have dc too close together as I was one of 3 (mum had 3 babies in 3 years). Mum was constantly stressed out, hated our arguments (got worse the older we got)and I hated sharing a room.

Miserable being the middle of 3, 4 is much healthier.

Spidermama · 09/07/2009 00:28

I like four. They pair off to play and also it's easier to divide up food when you can cut in half then in half again.

Mine are 10, 9, 7 and 4. We also didn't feel our family was complete. I had two miscarriages too otherwise they'd have been closer together.

If you're willing to put in the work (laundry is a massive part of my life) then go for it.

Original poster
sweetkitty · 09/07/2009 08:37

It's one of the things I stress about whether I have enough of me to give them all what they need emotionally as well. I don't want them to turn out maladjusted adults who say Mum never had any time for me, but in saying that I am one of two and my parents totally negected me emotionally and in other ways, I know this is one of the reasons both DP and I want a big family around us, we both came from " families that were a bit erm lacking.

I think they will pair off, DD1 and 2 are so incredibly close maybe I feel DD3 needs a close sibling too, like she will feel left out.

Spidermama - laundry already is a big part of my life as it is lol

OP posts:
GertieGoat · 09/07/2009 10:31

I think the key is will you be there emotionally for them? because that is the challenging bit especially when a clash of personalities really come into the equation post 7yrs.

My mum could only cope with the practical side of 3 dc and wasn't there for us emotionally at all as she had her own issues (depression etc)

Have you still time to want to give them a cuddle at the end of the day after dealing with all the physical side of a big healthy family, meals at the table, clean and tidy home/dc etc?

It's a huge challenge but worth it if everyone pitches in (including dh/p). A complete nightmare if dc are spoiled/dh/p unwilling to help.

A happy family is only happy if the lynchpin, ie the mother, is happy in herself and in her life.

My mum hated cooking/cleaning up/normal sibling arguments/dealing with backchat. She only enjoyed us when we were small when she was in control, not when we had our own ideas. So her ideal family life turned into a nightmare and she couldn't cope.

I would say if you've got a good sense of humour and can cope when the going gets tough you're half way there.

MrsSpringsteen · 09/07/2009 11:00

spidermama i agree
i love laundry though so thats bearable
catering cooking however

MrsSpringsteen · 09/07/2009 11:08

gertie i think you have posted on here before on this subject ???? If it is you - and apologies if not )- but your words stayed with me

i am so happy with my younger dcs and relishing every minute

the older ones are a little more taxing but after much introspection (!!) i have concluded that i find it easier again once they chill at maybe 14+....i just struggle with in between bits

tbh you can wing it. none of us is superhuman and one cannot expect to be all things to all people.

what you can do with a big family is show love - say loving things and a sweet word here and there even when child not being particularly sweet. I have learned to be the adult and a bit of almost gritting teeth and pride swallowing is well worth the trouble with feisty and sulky teen/preteens...

sorry for ramble SK!

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