Mums of 4 come and talk to me please especially if you have small gaps

[sweetkitty]

Currently we have almost 5yo DD1, 3 1/2 yo DD2 and almost 1yo DD3, have decided to go for number 4.

There are a hundred reasons to stop at 3 like we need to build an extension, bigger car, SPD in pregnancy, we have no family help so just me and DP, time with each of them, money, money and money.

Only one reason for, both DP and I really want another, we thought our family would be complete with 3 but it doesn't feel like it at all, hate hate hate all the trying for a boy, we do not especially want a boy, chances are we would have DD4 anyway.

I am dreading the pregnancy but would love another little person about the place.

Please come and share you experiences with me, everyone in RL would think I am utterly insane

I don't have as much time for my 13 year old (almost 14) as I'd like to have. He is v v easy going and good natured and the others are all v good at getting their needs met ahead of him - especially DS1 and DD (DS3 is patient and good natured too).

Most nights I go to bed thinking to myself 'I must make more time for DS2'. I should be more aware of it as I am child no 3 of 4 girls and I was v v easy going and undemanding too.

I quite like laundry, cooking and ironing. But it's the never ending nature of it all that can become v draining.

swedes i too am third of four girls

i was the fun one though!

MrsS - I was quite fun too, you know.

yes but i was bad!

i laid awake in bed last night agonising about whether to go for a number 4! So i came on here and it's so refreshing to read all the entries. For me it boils down to the fact that i know i will regret it if i don't have a number 4 and that's enough for me. I so want another one (so does my other half). practically it won't be easy but hey, nothing's insurmountable.

legaljournalist - thats exactly how we feel, we will regret it if we don't

If everything goes well I will have 4 from the beginning of november/mid october. I'm interested in this because I am one of four siblings too.

I will have quite small gaps as am having twins on my 3rd pregnancy (eek, no twins in family).
There's a 15 month gap between my DS and DD
There will be a 3 year 2 month gap between DD and the DTs.

My mum had 4 singletons with a
15 month gap between me (dd1) and her dd2,
3 years 10 months between dd2 and dd3
And 19 months between dd3 and ds.

My mum said the hardest was going from none to one, then next hardest was going from 3 to having 4. She said going from 2 to 3 was no different but from 1 to 2 was quite hard too. Bearing in mind that my sister (dd3) was one of those rumoured boring angel babies that NEVER cries or does anything but lie quietly and look at things.

I can't relate to her experiences really as I'll (touch wood) never have 3 and not 4 but I'm hoping she can help with some tips on managing four.

Personally I found the 15 month gap between my two a breeze. My eldest only started learning to walk 2 weeks before my second was born so I really didn't struggle to adjust to having a baby around. I'm not sure how I'll do with this gap of 3 years because I'm not used to waking in the night anymore but we'll see. I'm find the pregnancy hard going this time - not so much because of the extra baby in there - more because of not getting any time to relax with having a 4 year old and a 2 year old already!

I'd say there's never much reason for having any baby other than you want one.

If you do have a boy last be prepared, all us girls got teased at school about how our parents never wanted us, they just wanted a boy and stopped when they got one. This wasn't true, my mum wanted 6 children and my dad made her compromise at 4 - having a boy last was just a coincidence!

I think little gaps can be better for the children. The ones in the middle of four tend to be OK but the littlest always ends up in situations they are too small for and can sometimes be damaged by the behaviour of bigger ones and the biggest never gets to do things they want to do cos the others are always too small. The bigger the gap between the oldest and youngest the more pronounced this is. I think that if you have a big gap between oldest and youngest your parenting style is likely to have been very different between the first and last too and it takes very strong leadership and family bond to help the children cope with this.

Hats off to all mums of four (or more) happy children!

I have also been watching this thread with interest.

I have a 15month gap between ds1 and dd, and then a 4 year gap to ds2, I was really hoping to have another close age gap but 3 miscarriages on, it is clearly not going to happen.

So at what point does the age gap for the 4th (and last) child become more troublesome than stopping at 3?

If a miracle has occured and I am pg right now (v. unlikely) then there would be a 2 year gap between the last two. This is already more than I had hoped, but I think that the nearer a 3 year gap the harder it will be with baby with older siblings of 3,6 and 7. Will the closeness not be there between 3 and 4 and therefore not the benefits of having 4, but more of the hassels, or am I thinking this through too much?

Sorry this is a bit waffley but hope you can understand what I am asking?

rainbowdays - I think definitely thinking it through too much. If you have 4 singletons there's always going to be quite a big gap between oldest and youngest. 3 miscarriages is hard going, is that not more of an issue than the potential age gap? The children all still grow up together and if you make time for the oldest to do age appropriate things it shouldn't be an issue. Sounds like you just really want another so, why not? I think small gaps is better (for me) but I'd much rather have my bro than have tiny age gaps between each of us.

I know someone with an 11 month and 20 day gap. She finds it absolutely fine and loves every second of it.

I have four boys 5, 3 and six-month-old DTs. It's mad, but I would change it for the world. They are all such gorgeous boys and love each other so much.

Hi, i am ttc #4 atm and personally i dont think age gap makes all that much difference (unless its a big gap) reason i say this is there is 14mths between my ds & dd and as toddlers they played very well 2gether but now that they are 6&7 they cannot be inthe same room without fighting & trying to get the other in trouble, its so draining... i waited 4yrs before having #3 who is now 20mths and i worried a little that the gap mite be a bit much and she would be left out but they both love her so much especially dd1 who is almost 6, they play brilliantly 2gether and have a great bond, guess wot im trying to say is small gaps doesnt always guarantee that they will be close..

Also i found having my 1st two so close together ment i missed out on a lot and dont have very many mermories of them as babies which upsets me a little, ds was colic and it all went by in a haze of sleepless nites and stress, i am sooooo enjoying my 20mth old and its def due to the 4yr gap, anyway different strokes for different folks and all that!