Really hurt by comments about our family size

[NotaFreeloader]

On announcing my pregnancy I have comments from 4 different people 2 question have I decided to have another just so I ‘don’t have to work’
Another saying we just want a bigger house
Then someone else saying I must not have been careful with contraception- this was a planned baby

For a start yes I do intend to work once the youngest is at school. Whenever that may be and I have a Dh who works and supports us
I don’t want to move we have plenty of room
If I worked now it’d cost the government a LOT for helping with childcare so it’s not that I’m costing ‘the taxpayer’ money

Why can’t people just say congratulations and mind their own business

I’m actually a simple person and I was as a child.

I think it’s wrong that people have kids they cannot afford and others are expected not pick up the slack. It’s taking full advantage.... even her own family stated this.
I would of loved another one but to be honest I didn’t want to give my job up and have to depend on the government.

There’s too many people that feel entitled to stay at home and have children I’m sorry but children cost money. By all means have them. But you pay for them and not on tax credits.

Nothing to do with benefits for me it's coming from a large family that makes me dislike it, that and a belief that overpopulation is the cause of most of our environmental problems. But you already know all this and don't care so toughen up and stop caring what other people think as long as you are happy with your life choices no.one else really matters.

@MiddlesexGirl not declining enough when you see how overcrowded we are though.

It's hard to believe that it is declining when I seem to see quite a few largish families around. As I said, lots of couples seem to have 3 children now whereas it was 2 at one time.

Certainly the majority of my neighbours with children have 3 or more

@Greenlorry so people shouldn't claim tax credits for the first or second child? Since we shouldn't do it on the taxpayer's dime? Cos it seems like they are entitled to claim up to 2 children.

People shouldn’t be so rude OP.

Personally I don’t think large families are a good idea for many reasons, but I wouldn’t say so to your face especially not at the moment of announcing a pregnancy.

There having 2 kids then 5 it’s a big difference.
I grew up with a brother & then my mother had a good age gap and had 2 more kids.
I won’t go into details but she simply couldn’t afford to have 4 kids it was a strain on her and us too. It was cruel very cruel!!

The line has to be drawn some where like I stated in my previous post. That’s with everything in life. I enjoy a good pudding doesn’t mean I’m going to have one for breakfast everyday does . If you want to cherry pick my comment that’s entirely down to you.

This ^

Congratulations OP to you and your lovely family. I am one of 4 and love having a largish family, I wouldn't change it for the world.
I worked with a lovely lady who was pregnant with her 4th child, a 4th little boy. She said that lot's of people had said to her 'why on earth would you want another baby you must be mad' and things like 'I bet you were gutted to find out it's another boy'. How disgusting. Why can't people just keep their mouths shut if they can't think of anything nice to say. Plus what the hell has it got to do with them!
I wish you every bit of luck and happiness for the future, don't let narrow minded people upset you. (I need to take this advice myself lol!).

The amount of laundry five kids must produce is enough for me to consider that existence hell on earth...

If you're happy op, then crack on, I can't muster up the energy to care.

@formerbabe 'tis indeed a pain in the arse, there is always a hamper full of dirty laundry to be found somewhere.
Usually in a disused cupboard in the utility where my feckless husband hides it!

• It was awful, as an older one you are forced into a babysitting role and very quickly lose any proper one on one time. It wasn't parenting, it was crowd management.

This was your experience based on your parents. Not by any means the norm for large families. *

Honestly this was my experience as well. I was actually very fond of my siblings but it put me off having dc for a long time, I had had my fill of parenting by the time I was 17.

It doesn’t put me off I love children. However we should be able to provide for them accordingly why are posters pretending as though a family of 7 is not quite large. Hello times are hard we are even in a pandemic. I’m not that ignorant to think that everyone has the same experience as myself of course not!
Bottom line is unless her DH has a fantastic job he can’t really support 6 people from one wage.
Let’s not pretend other wise. Did you just read only the part of my post you wanted to

Some committee somewhere has decided that everyone should have 2 children. If you have none, one or more than 2 that seems to be against the rules for some people . Congratulations on your pregnancy.

👆 THIS. ABSOLUTELY. People are idiots. 🙄. Ignore.

people in general are having less children not more.

That’s right. It’s below 2 per woman who is actively fertile. It’s 1.89.

I think the Tories changed the law in relation to child benefit/ tax credits so no extra money for this 5th baby. Don’t know why anyone cares!

I live in the tiniest 2 bed in my area as it's just DD and me. ( think Hi De Hi chalet size ) m'y rent is £174 per week as I live in an expensive area. I've just been made redundant and my landlord is still putting my rent up at the end of this month. It's already currently 45% of my salary. And soon I'll have no salary!
Id love thé chance of a HA property but I'm not jealous of the OP. Different times, different circumstances, different areas etc.
Life generally doesn't work in a fair way and you can't go around comparing it.
So good luck OP and congrats on your news.

That’s about half the price of a 2 bed flat rental in London! It’s less than I get for a 2 bed house in the Home Counties. People with low/subsidised rents really do have an advantage in many ways if they earn a decent salary.

I don't think people should be rude but maybe you should be aware that a lot of people who have their own house or flat won't be able to afford it so yes, there is a bit of envy here that you can partly afford it because of your housing.

Secondly, a lot of people are very worried about the planet and purposely limit their preferred family size so it is upsetting to see others not doing this - a bit like seeing people having street parties when you've been inside for weeks! This doesn't excuse the rudeness but maybe it explains it a bit?

Having a child does cost the state. For health care, education, policing, it all adds up. The OP will pay the same in council tax as someone next door who may only have one child, yet they will require much greater access to all the things council tax pays for. Her DH will pay a income tax, but again the family will require much greater access to the things his income tax paid for.
Imagine it costs the NHS £3k for every pregnancy and birth. A woman wth 2 children will cost the NHS £6k. The OP will cost the NHS £15k.

Schooling costs on average £5k per child per year. So, over a 16 year period, a two child family will cost the tax payer £160k, whilst the OPs family will cost the tax payer £400k

If those children all live to 85 and need care for 10 years, but have no savings or income to pay for it, the costs are astronomical. For the two child family it would cost £528k, for OPs family £1.3m.

So you can see, the cost - to the state - could be £694k for 2 children, but £1.735 million for 5. I'm certain that the tax your dp pays in no way covers that amount.

Op, if not in Scotland, could also buy her social housing at a knock down price too! Another benefit.

It's very naive to say that stopping benefits after two kids means the tax payer isn't paying for them. They are. They are subsidising her rent, paying school fees, health care etc. I pay a lot of tax and don't get benefits at all even child allowance but I am well aware my kids are costing the tax payer. Why do people not understand this.

Congratulations Op It’s no one else’s business so just don’t rise to it. Yes social housing is cheaper but it’s there for a reason. As long as you’re taking care of your dc and have a loving home for you all who cares. We have a mortgage etc but I consider us very lucky to be able to afford it and I think people who make comments on other people’s lives need to take that time to look at themselves more!
Take care of yourself op, ignore the idiots and look forward to welcoming another gorgeous addition to your family

@SueSnell yes people are such idiots for caring about the planet aren't they?

Also for caring that the UK is already packed with people and keep adding more and more to it is crazy.

I think it is other people's business to be honest. What if every woman decided to have 5 children? Or maybe 6 or 7?

What about the cost to the NHS? The cost of schooling? The NHS and the education system are practically on their knees now. Imagine if we all had tons of children how they would be.