Really hurt by comments about our family size

[NotaFreeloader]

On announcing my pregnancy I have comments from 4 different people 2 question have I decided to have another just so I ‘don’t have to work’
Another saying we just want a bigger house
Then someone else saying I must not have been careful with contraception- this was a planned baby

For a start yes I do intend to work once the youngest is at school. Whenever that may be and I have a Dh who works and supports us
I don’t want to move we have plenty of room
If I worked now it’d cost the government a LOT for helping with childcare so it’s not that I’m costing ‘the taxpayer’ money

Why can’t people just say congratulations and mind their own business

www.gov.scot/binaries/content/documents/govscot/publications/factsheet/2016/06/more-homes-scotland/documents/more-homes-scotland-factsheet-pdf/more-homes-scotland-factsheet-pdf/govscot%3Adocument/More%2BHomes%2BScotland%2BFactsheet.pdf

Those 50,000 affordable homes in Scotland are costing the taxpayer £3bn. Luckily some people are paying in so JKScot4 and others can take out.

@cayrol
I don’t live in SH, I said I grew up in it, obviously your reading comprehension has suffered. My children’s horizons not widened? that’s a wild presumption as is the one regarding my tax paying, christ you’re ignorant!
One graduate, 2 currently at uni, 1 in High School, all very well travelled intelligent kids.

Try to tune out other people's opinions. I am a single parent and plenty of people have opinions that make me roll my eyes. Even if you had the perfect family 2.3 chldren without stupid or trashy names, dog but not from a puppy farm (a rescue), toyota prius, recycling etc... etc.. People would call you SMUG

Not a problem i"ll ever have! but you are in the line of fire for criticism no matter what shape your family has

I had two children. We chose two because of real life, factual reasons....not what 'my heart' wanted.
I can afford two, easily. We can take them on lots of days out, because being out with just two kids is fun....is it fun keeping 5 kids safe when out?
When they themselves have kids, I can realistically agree to help with childcare, but if all five of yours have five....that's 25 kids, can you honestly give any real help to that many grandkids?
I can let my kids stay living with me indefinitely, a real possibility in today's economy, can you?

OP, CONGRATULATIONS!! Sorry your thread has gone south.

Congratulations OP, it's best if you just don't give a shit what people think.

I totally agree with Bluntness its probably not jealousy but the fact that without social housing you wouldn't be able to have 5 kids as you couldn't afford them.

Those saying you only have one life are only focusing on what they want and not necessarily on what is actually good for others. Its a very me centric viewpoint that can create problems.

In terms of social housing, lets assume you have a 3 bed house, in the normal pattern if you had two children by the time they are adults you would be in a position to down size to a smaller property, thereby freeing up that property for another family who is desperately in need, possibly homeless. The more kids you have the longer it blocks that property from being reallocated to someone else.

Personally I think having a 5th planned child when you can't even afford meat dinners for the 4 you have is pretty bad.

@elspeth
No meat dinners makes you a. bad parent now?? 🤣
Oh dear us vegatarians must be terrible parents 🤣

Congratulations OP! 5 children - how lovely!

Unfortunately MN is very anti large families, especially families who dare not to be wealthy and have lots of children. And so responses to a thread such as yours will only ever elicit these responses ad nauseum:

1. "5 children is far too many. How will you afford a bedroom each, music lessons, holidays and a big enough car? It's wrong to make children live without these basics".
2. "What about the environment?! How can you justify a bedroom each, foreign holidays and a large car for all those people? It's so selfish"!

You literally can't win on here. Whatever way you have a large family, you're doing it wrong.
For what it's worth I think large families can be absolute brilliant. I would have loved more siblings (I'm one of 3) and I have 4 DC.

Good luck to you and your family

You're clearly willfully misunderstanding. She said they eat veggie dinners because of budgeting.

I don’t think people mean to be harsh as her family have also commented. People have got a point, a child’s quality of life does come into it otherwise we would all have numerous kids. I’m sure OP is a good parent it’s not the point though.

And what? kids don’t need to eat meat.

My opinion is that unless you are wealthy it is silly and selfish to have so many children.

Holidays and Christmas will be a fortune. What about school trips? Will thst be affordable? Financial help when they go to university?

In ny experience children from large families often get less treats and individual attention from their parents.

5 is a lot though. Too many when the world is overpopulated. People should be having less children not more.

At one time the average family had 2 children now it seems every couple have at least 3.

I think there’s a difference between choosing to not eat meat and not being able to afford it for the amount of people in your household. Of course meat isn’t ‘needed’ but its a pretty basic thing if you’re on a secure income - if you can’t afford some mince or some ham then there must be a bunch of other things you can’t afford too. What else is the family having to forego and scrimp on just so the parents can fulfil their desire for another child? If its causing financial difficulties then it is selfishness on the parents part. If you’ve got three siblings already, especially three younger ones, one extra isn’t going to add to the quality of your childhood. If the family is already struggling then it will most likely decrease that quality.
People can say that family and love matters most - of course it does, but that doesn’t mean it should be all that’s available, there is a balance. Nay sayers may take the piss out of ‘Felix’ and his extra-curricula activities - but I think it’s foolish to underestimate how much a music lesson or a day out to the zoo or similar can mean to a child. But again, parents desire to procreate trumps all that for some reason, and the bare minimum has to be enough for the other children in the meantime.

Well good luck. I wouldn't be choosing to have a family of 7 if I was having to for out half my earnings every week on rent and council tax. Must be very tight.

I think some folks are wjllfully misunderstanding the meat thing. I’m just not sure why. Of all the things to be cunty about, I’m not sure why you’d pick this one.

It’s very clear this family are not vegetarian though choice, nor is anyone saying vegetarian is a bad choice

There us a world of difference between growing up vegetarian due to a belief, through choice,, and growing up vegetarian because your parents can’t afford to put meat on the table, so have no choice.

I’m guessing people laughing about it, didn’t grow up in poverty. Many times as a youngster we didn’t eat meat because we couldn’t afford it. There is no joy in poverty. Nor is it a laughing matter.

As said, of all the things to be cunty about, I’m unsure why anyone would pick this one. The sentiment of the posters was clear.

@Pinkblueberry has it spot on.
The few families I know with 5+ children all have some degree of varying problems.
2 family's at dc private school both financially sound, big houses, nice holidays but absolutely time poor, the dc in my dds year get no help at all with online learning because the parents have 4 other kids to try and help, it's really sad watching them struggling, both mums have expressed sorrow at the lack of help they are able to offer their children at this moment, plus they usually always sending all kids of to a multitude of clubs because they don't have the time to offer them.
Another family we know very well is unfortunately unable to offer their children any financial security or time. Those kids get no holidays, no days out, no extra school clubs, 2 in each bedroom and 1 on a sofa bed in the lounge with no private space at all.
All because the parents had a selfish desire to have another baby.
So sad that children are just though of as possessions rather than individuals with their own needs.

Aside from holidays even going for a meal at an Italian restaurant or something can you imagine the bill for 7 people. No wonder the government capped it at 2 children. If it wasn’t for tax credits people would think twice if we lived some where where the Gov didn’t bail us out.

The people agreeing with OP most likely don’t know any different & also have around 5 kids. It’s like blind leading the blind

What do you mean exactly by 'don't know any different'?

If you're interested a meal out costs around £140 for a family of seven in a chain restaurant like Prezzo. Not prohibitively expensive as a monthly/fortnightly occurance by any means.

@Greenlorry i agree with OP and I am aiming for an only child. I want an only child because I want the flexibility to stay in my London 2 bed flat instead of being forced to move somewhere cheap, have the option of private school and be able to save 20% of salary. However, I get that not everyone wants or needs to stay in London so housing costs are not such a large consideration. Ditto for private school, state school in expensive catchment or international holidays (for me, international holidays are a must because my parents live in singapore, so not flying to singapore at least once a year means depriving my child of 2 of his grandparents which i find sad).

@Greenlorry OP wants to live simply, whats wrong with that. You might not choose it but why shouldnt she?

It was awful, as an older one you are forced into a babysitting role and very quickly lose any proper one on one time. It wasn't parenting, it was crowd management.

This was your experience based on your parents. Not by any means the norm for large families.

@lynsey91 I believe the birth rate has been declining for many years now.

I'm one of 6. My parents in the 1960's got many shitty comments.

Nosy buggers assumed we must be some sort of common, uneducated bunch.
Actually we were always the best behaved because out parents were quite strict.

Ignore the comments. Especially the ones on here about social housing.

Good luck to you.