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Original poster

So, what's it like going from 3-4?

167 replies

Zippidydoodah · 04/06/2016 09:22

I've mentioned on another thread here that we are inexplicably thinking about number 4, from being absolutely adamant that we were done at 3!

Having the third was hard work and led to me having to give up my job. Now youngest is 2, I'm starting to feel more like me, but also broody with it!

Am I mad?! Please tell me what it's like going from 3-4?

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GirlFromTheNorthCountry · 05/06/2016 09:26

We have 4. They are 6, twins are 3 and youngest is 9 months. I love having 4. Yes, there's lots of noise, washing, ironing and trying to leave the house quickly is impossible- but they play together really well and nothing makes me happier than when we are all together having fun. My DH is excellent so we parent as a team and we have to be quite tough on things like bed time but I wouldn't have it any other way. In fact, if we have limitless space, money (and energy) I'd be tempted to have another! I think they also get enough one to one time as when you are busy with one, the other 3 can amuse each other and we make sure each one has a story cuddled up in bed every night.

Tsotofamily · 05/06/2016 09:27

I currently have 3 but I'm expecting no.4 in 7 weeks.
We live in a 3 bed well more like a 2 bed and a box room. Dds share and have a bunk bed with a pull out underneath, we're having another girl so bed wise were sorted. Ds has the box room. Already got a 7 seater, and I kepted ally baby stuff knowing that I wanted another. I've always wanted 4 as I never want one to feel left out although they all often have friends round so always a full house.
I say go for it, you never know how long it will take to ttc, and I've heard people say before that they never regretted the dcs they've had but always regret not having another

confusionoftheillusion · 05/06/2016 09:34

Everyone I know who is one of four disliked growing up as one of four as they never had their own space or their own attention from their parents... As adults there always seem to be issues with my friends who are from families of 4 kids.

If you have plenty of money and both parents around lots then I guess it could work. Otherwise I'd probably stop at 3... It's important to be able to give your children what they need and having lots of kids can make this tricky as previous posters have highlighted.

caveat - tiny sample of a few friends and I am sure there are lots of very happy families with 4 kids Wink

confusionoftheillusion · 05/06/2016 09:36

people might say they don't regret the kids they had but what about the kids... If you're sure it will benefit them all then go for it Smile

vikingorigins · 05/06/2016 12:47

Confusion mine are all in their 20s now and have never said that. 3 of them live together, and they love family gatherings.

I like that they all keep in touch independent of us. We don't have to facilitate a relationship.

Original poster
Zippidydoodah · 05/06/2016 16:47

Viking- my partner is also a very happy one of four!

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LostInMess · 05/06/2016 20:13

The people I know who were one of four have all gone onto have at least four.

I cling to this thought on a daily basis!!

Afreshstartplease · 06/06/2016 18:49

I'm 20 weeks pregnant with DC4 so thought I'd join this thread! It's nice to hear different views and experiences. I only know one person in rl who has 4 DC.

When DC4 comes along others will be 8, 7 and 3 1/2. We have a three bed house and not in position to get anywhere bigger yet but do plan to do so in the future.

I think I will have to reduce hours at work after maternity as like others have said I do already struggle to find time for everything and want to be able to give DC the attention they need.

babyblabber · 06/06/2016 19:37

I'm one of 4 and tried to be finished at 3 but just felt we weren't finished so we are ttc!

Original poster
Zippidydoodah · 07/06/2016 10:40

I bumped into someone the other day who was pg with her fourth, but she had them in twos (the older two were around 9, and the younger one was 2). Think that might have been a nice way to do it!

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Original poster
Zippidydoodah · 07/06/2016 10:41

Good luck ttc, baby blabber!

I have a close friend who's struggling to conceive number 2. I can't imagine how she'd feel if I told her I was expecting number 4. Sad

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babyblabber · 09/06/2016 11:44

It worked! Positive test this morning! Although I've had two miscarriages so know this is just the first step.

You can't worry about your friend, maybe just let her know via text so she doesn't have to react. Fingers crossed for her. My sister, sister in law and friend all had trouble ranging from miscarriages to clinic to failed ivf attempts but all 3 are now pregnant, so happy for them.

onecurrantbun1 · 10/06/2016 14:27

Following this thread with interest... we have 3 DDs - 4.5, 2.5 and 5 months old. There is a part of me that would love to have another. No qualms at all about house / car, all very manageable. It's the intangibles. Will we have enough energy? Will we have the time? Will we still have fun? And of course, what if something happened to one (or both!) Of us? We are insured to ridiculous levels - both income protection and critical illness cover -as well as life insurance - but would who ever was left behind manage...

LostInMess · 10/06/2016 16:28

Our 4th was an unexpected extra, currantbun so we didn't have the option of thinking about those things. Some times you just have to go with gut instinct, I think. my main concern was that we were both early (me) mid (DH) 40s and I was so worried about when DC4 got older - but at least with 4, I would hope that he will get on with at least one of his siblings when we're gone. There's a similar argument for yours too - although it is much harder to sort babysitters compared to when we had 3!

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere · 11/06/2016 11:10

We have 4 - first few months were hard as dc4 never slept and dc3 still doesn't Hmm we have a 7seater car, 3 bed house, and have learned to prioritise so everyone gets 1:1 time but also family time.

It can be tricky at times when they all want to do different things, 2 of ours have special needs which I guess adds to the workload a bit.

Overall we love 4 and if it was safe to have had more I would of!

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere · 11/06/2016 11:11

Forgot to add ages - 11,4,3 and 1 (10 months between the 4 and 3yr old)

onecurrantbun1 · 11/06/2016 12:33

As you say lostinmess it will surely have to be a gut instinct - we are lucky to have met young and I'm only 27 now so no rush. We have a 4-bed and savings to buy a new car. I just worry as DH lost both his parents as a teenager - on the one hand being part of a bigger family would've been less lonely (only child) but on the other, his health may be an
issue (but it may not!), and obviously we only have my folks as support

I'm just a natural worrier but as you say many of my fears apply to any amount of kids

Original poster
Zippidydoodah · 12/06/2016 16:52

Ah, congratulations baby blabber!! GrinFlowers

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Tsotofamily · 12/06/2016 19:45

Congratulations babyblabber Smile

HelenaJustina · 12/06/2016 20:09

I have 4. When youngest was born the eldest was 5yrs 7months!

It was/is hard work but I love it. I'm from a big family and 4 doesn't feel huge to me. I run a tight ship but that means everyone knows where and what they are doing which is more relaxing.

We have a 6 seat car, and a 6 bed house. Though one bedroom is an office as DH sometimes works from home. DC currently share, older 2 and younger 2, but we have space to spread them out more if need be.

It is expensive, not so much when they are little but as they get older. Youngest is now 3, doing ballet like her sisters and can start swimming in a few months. That kind of thing really racks up! I work part-time term-time which gives me the right balance but I didn't start that until DC3 started school.

I think you are right to think carefully, it was quite an easy jump for us (easy baby etc) but it is a big one'

Original poster
Zippidydoodah · 13/06/2016 16:23

Thanks for the further responses! Just went into mothercare to look at the dressing up clothes for my dd- and saw a beautiful new range of little baby clothes- omg am I broody!!

I have period pains which are earlier than they should be. We have been very careful contraception wise, except for once the day after I finished my period last month- there's no chance I could be pregnant. It's awful but a tiny bit of me is kind of hoping....!!

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Original poster
Zippidydoodah · 13/06/2016 16:23

Helena, what job do you do if you don't mind me asking?

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babyblabber · 14/06/2016 10:15

Thanks girls

Zippidy it sounds like you've made your decision!!!

Original poster
Zippidydoodah · 14/06/2016 11:00

Gosh it does, doesn't it?!

The thing is, I know it would be really challenging for us if we did have a fourth- and now that my youngest one is 2.5 and life is getting easier, do I want to throw more chaos into the mix?!

I can't stop thinking about having another little one in the house, though!!

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LostInMess · 14/06/2016 11:38

As someone who doesn't have an easy 4th and who was enjoying life getting easier, it is worth thinking about carefully. I worry hugely about not giving my children enough of my time, particularly my older two (8&6) who are at school - not least as I was just starting to be able to do so. Having said that, I am hopeful that it is short lived as I know how much easier it is once they get to 2-3 and how quickly that time goes. We
too haven't managed to get DC3 sleeping properly yet (am hoping school cracks it when he starts in Sep) and DC4 currently seems unable to sleep without being in the bed and latched on (in the bed I could deal with but I would like him to let go occasionally!) so we are plumbing new depths of tiredness. Matters not helped by my having returned to work for the first time in 8 years at the beginning of term but part time, flexible, term time only jobs don't come along often and I didn't want to pass it up. And I do enjoy it though it is manic.

Worth noting that I am in the thick of it which is bound to colour my view. If you're ok declining social invitations etc for a year then you'll be fine - you may not need to, am just finding I cannot take anything more on (my days start around 6 and end at midnight when the co-sleeping starts). DC4 is a delight though and I wouldn't be without him and neither would his siblings. We are also starting to see an element of middle child exclusion amongst the other 3 so I am hoping that will be addressed once he's bigger.

Just need to get through the next 6 months or so (crawling - agh!) and then hope it will steady off. But my word it's busy!