So, what's it like going from 3-4?

[Zippidydoodah]

I've mentioned on another thread here that we are inexplicably thinking about number 4, from being absolutely adamant that we were done at 3!

Having the third was hard work and led to me having to give up my job. Now youngest is 2, I'm starting to feel more like me, but also broody with it!

Am I mad?! Please tell me what it's like going from 3-4?

[ForeverYoung40]

The thing is, I'd never regret having another child, and if I don't go for it then I'm sure I'll always wonder 'what if?' but I can't make the decision of no. 4 based on 'what if?', if that makes sense.
The thing with my mum is at the back of my mind as I wonder how long she has left and what if she became really ill and passed away while I was pregnant or with a new born - how would I cope? That could cause many an issue during what would be an already tricky time.
But that's not the main reason. Life chucks all sorts of stuff at us and I'm amazed at how people are able to cope, and I'm sure I would too. I'm a pretty tough cookie and very philosophical about things - I like to put things into perspective and not dwell on the negative, but having another baby is such a massive step!
My husband did suggest we could adopt if we still felt like another child was a possibility but I haven't really thought about that in depth. I guess it is an option if we felt it was the right thing to do.
I also did consider fostering as my own got older, but I'd probably fall in love with each child that I cared for and wouldn't want them to leave!!
Hubby did say he'd get me a dog - seems like that's what most 40 somethings are doing at the moment ;-)
Ah who knows!? Re folic acid - when I thought I was pregnant in May/June, I did begin taking it. Felt so weird and final! I was quite excited though, but when my period came, I stopped taking it. It's still sat in the cupboard staring at me!
Why don't you start taking it anyway and see how you feel? Might be the little nudge you need!

[Alcea]

Sorry to hear about your mum, it must be a very hard time for you all x

[Alcea]

You've just basically listed all my fears! If I won the lotto, I'd go for it in a heart beat.
I'm even too afraid to go and buy folic acid, because that would just make it very real. Are you taking it? Gosh, I'm really sounding like I really don't want another.

I wish I had a crystal ball to see into the future!

[ForeverYoung40]

Hey Alcea,

Yes I'm still thinking about it but I'm still not sure. I'm more in favour of 'not' at the moment as hubby not 100%. If it had happened accidentally then I'm sure I'd be excited, but actually making the decision to ttc just doesn't sit right at the moment.
I just keep thinking that by the time I'm 50, all of our boys will be at Uni or travelling or working etc, and my husband and I will have the chance to do more travelling etc on our own.
If I have a baby in the next year then we won't really be able to do that till I'm almost 60. That seems like a long time to wait.
Plus my mum is only in her 60's and has cancer (which isn't curable) so I am thinking - what if that was me and I hadn't done all the things I wanted to do because I was still very much at home looking after the kids!? Don't get me wrong, I love my boys and they are my world. I'm quite obsessed with them and we are a really close family, but I'm also looking forward to the next chapter in our lives and I wonder if factoring in a baby too would be a bit too much!
Plus it's the cost; I'm thinking uni fees, cars, help to buy a house etc. I want to be able to help them all as much as I can. Maybe 4 will be that bit too much of a financial strain.
It's my husband who works long hours etc and I'd like him to be able to relax a bit towards our 50's, not feel under pressure to 'bring home the bacon' and support a wife and 4 kids.
Sounds like I'm all doom and gloom, that's not it at all. Part of me knows that if we had no.4 then I'm sure it would be wonderful. I'm just thinking long term and trying to weigh EVERYTHING up before I get carried away.
So, in a nutshell, I'm still not saying a definite no, but my head is ruling my heart at the moment so maybe I need to listen to what it's saying!
I would be totally envious if you go for it, but also pleased for you. I'm one of 4 and I love big families. Just wish I was a few years younger ;-) xx

[Alcea]

Have you thought about it much more ForeverYoung40? I'm on CD1 today so it's back on my mind. I needed some health procedures done, and they're done and everything is fine (dental work) so I had put the thought of ttc and #4 off until now. Still very unsure and just can't make my mind up. Veering towards not doing it, mostly because I think a pregnancy should be something you're excited about, and 100% happy about. I'm afraid that if I got a positive test that my reaction would be 'oh no, what have we done' and that's not right Hope that makes sense.

Anyone else feeling the same?

[AwayWith88Faires]

I really don't think 40 is too old anything not even babies. I am 26 and I really don't have easy pregnancies in all.of my pregnancies I have had issues and am always high risk. Yet I know woman that have babies late 40s and they have had no issues at all. If you don't want to do parents evening in your 50s then off cause that's fine and if you did want to parents evening I your 50s that's also fine it's your life and body and absaulty your choice.

Thank you my herpertermis gravidarum has calmed down now. I have 3 girls. I have had 3 misscarries in a row after my youngest so this is our rainbow baby.

[ForeverYoung40]

I definitely still feel young and even got asked for I.D. at a club a couple of weekends ago - hilarious! But doesn't change the fact that my body is 40 and if I was to have a baby next year I'd be 41. I know that's not too old, but I see how difficult my sister has found having children in her 40's and I think that maybe I should count my blessings.
Weirdly though, one of my boys told me this morning that he had a dream last night where I gave birth to a baby girl!
He had had Sex Ed that day, so maybe the whole baby thing was on his mind. Bit spooky though, as a witchy lady that I know says she sees a baby girl around me!!! I have 3 boys so the thought of a girl kind of terrifies me. Well, the thought of another baby terrifies me, full stop lol. I'm still not decided but I'm thinking that at 50 I really don't want to be doing homework, parents evenings and school fetes anymore. At 50 my youngest will be 18 so that puts a whole new spin on things doesn't it!? However, I do like the idea of having a big family.Maybe I'll have to change my username to 'stillundecided'.
Congrats on your pregnancy though, 'Awaywith88fairies', I hope all goes smoothly for you. ;-)

[AwayWith88Faires]

Ask me anything I am 26. My children are 8 years 3 years and 2 years. I really don't think age makes any difference age doesn't define us.

[ForeverYoung40]

Awaywith88fairies, do you mind me asking how old you are?
I'm not obsessed with age but I wonder if I'd be so concerned with going from 3 to 4 if I wasn't 40!?

[AwayWith88Faires]

I am in my 2nd trimster with my 4th baby my fiances 3rd. And I really can't wait to be mum to 4 children. I found it easy going from 2 to 3 the youngest just fell into our routine which was already in place. We don't have a massive support network so my fiance and I both work as a team. He works I stay at home but on his days off ect he really does help and gets involved woth the child and helps woth the house work though most of the time it's already done. I have always wanted a big family so I am more excited then I am nervous. Though I am worried about the yougest two might argue more though recently that has calmed down.

[PolarBearGoingSomewhere]

Yes I've read back through some of your posts and I do think a lot of the worries are the same. I guess we don't have the same "now or never" time pressure as I am only 28 and our kids are younger, however it's the same feeling of pushing our luck given we are blessed with 3 gorgeous healthy children.

It's making the decision that's hard isn't it?! Would love to shaee your crystal ball too :-)

[ForeverYoung40]

PolarBearGoingSomewhere, do you mind me asking how old you are?

With both myself and DS being 40, we're not over the hill just yet but being 40 does add to the list of cons!
Also, my chn are older (11, 11 and 8), so life is a lot easier in so many ways. The thought of going back to the baby stage does fill me will trepidation. I'm still undecided as I just don't want to look back and wished we had gone for it.
However, making the decision to ttc does seem a little barmy at this point in my life.
Sometimes I do think that I'd be really chilled and relaxed about it all as my older boys can help out...but then is that just wishful thinking?
Wish I had a crystal ball sometimes ;-)

[PolarBearGoingSomewhere]

ForeverYoung I had an evap line on a pregnancy test a frw months ago and felt the same. When it was a fait accompli I was overjoyed, it would have been a happy accident indeed, but to actively make the decision to ttc still seems a bold move, selfish I suppose, and it would be my "fault"if it was not the right decision for the family.

I think we'll ttc from Christmas (I have a 5, 3 and 1 yo) but we both feel apprehensive about taking such a huge step when family life has such a nice cadence now.

[ForeverYoung40]

Hi BrutusMcDogface (laughed at that name!)

Well...I definitely thought I was pregnant. Even told a close friend and my mum that I thought I was. My body felt like it did when I was pregnant before...and it was different to any PMS I've had.
I couldn't get over how tired I was, had a headache for a few days and my boobs were huge. I had weird dreams and I felt so hot (before heatwave kicked in!) I just had a feeling that I was, however, I then came on around 2 weeks after the day that I thought I'd ovulated (def ovulated early so was right about that!), and so I think I may have had one of those chemical things that I've read about, where an egg and sperm begin to create an embryo but it doesn't implant. The timing would fit for pregnancy to have been a possibility but it wasn't meant to be.
I did a few tests but they came out negative. (I didn't test positive until a few days after missed period in previous pregnancies, so I think my hCG levels must start off quite low). I'm so relieved about that as I've read about other people getting an early positive, only to find that their period arrives because implantation didn't take place.
Maybe I'm wrong and it was just PMS symptoms, but even my husband thought that I was pregnant before I even told him that there was a chance I could be and has never said that before.
I'm very philosophical about it. Weirdly I was kinda disappointed about the negative test, even though we aren't trying for a 4th. So now I'm at a stage where I'm wondering what could have been but not entirely sure another child is what I want. DH was also disappointed about me not being preggers, but he's like me in that he's still not sure if is a good idea to now start ttc.
I think it's lovely that he would have embraced the pregnancy, even though it wouldn't have been planned, but now that I'm not, it's back to decision time. If I had have been pg by accident, then the decision would have already been taken out of my hands so to speak, so then we would have just got on with it and looked forward to it, dismissing all the cons of going for no.4.
Now that I am back to the decision stage it's almost harder. Does that make sense?
So, I'm still not sure what to do. I'm not ruling it out but then I'm conscious that time is ticking and with PCO that makes things a little tricky. I do take agnus castus though and I think that has made me much more fertile!! So I need to be careful not to get caught out again. Have you decided yet?

[BrutusMcDogface]

Hi, forever young! How are you? Did you test?

I'm also reading this thread with interest as considering number 4...

[ForeverYoung40]

Thank you. Not quite sure if I'm 100% ready for a positive, but how many of us are? It's still a shock even when you kinda expect it!

I still may not be, in fact chances are that I'm most likely 'not', but then there is still a chance that I am. My friend got pregnant by having a 'quick dip' so there's always a chance!
Maybe I should start a new thread asking if anyone got pregnant just by 'quick dipping'!
Apparently, the withdrawal method really isn't very effective - we shall soon see!
Ps, I wasn't really using that as a method - I just didn't think I'd ovulate four days after!!

[Alcea]

Oh fingers crossed for you. Wouldn't that be brilliant, to have the decision made for you

[ForeverYoung40]

Hi Alcea,

Yes the first two were twins but that was because I have PCO and wasn't ovulating when I came off the pill. No period for a year! So then doc advised me to try fertility drugs and after another year and 4 months I conceived twins (as a result of the drugs). I knew I would release 2 eggs as I could see one leading follicle on each ovary during a scan. I knew that I would take the risk and up my drug dosage slightly in the hope that both follicles would release an egg - and they did! Was still a shock mind you, but we were told at 6 weeks that it was twins and I couldn't have been more over the moon. Given the choice I would've still chosen to be pregnant with twins then - but now? Holy moly, I'm not sure. They do say you get more fertile as you get older, so it would be a risk. There aren't any twins in my family, but I'm definitely more fertile than I used to be. I conceived #3 within a couple of months and I now take Agnus Castus which keep my periods regular. I can feel it when I ovulate as some months it's quite painful!
The thing is....oh boy here we go....there is a slight chance that I could be up the duff as I sit here typing this. I can't believe I'm about to confess to this but DH and I were fooling around the other day, however he didn't seal the deal iykwim. I track my cycles and was sure I wouldn't ovulate for another 9 days, however, about 4 days after our 'fooling around' happened, I've had all sorts of weird feelings and I just feel different. I had ovulation cramps not long after the deed and then it dawned on me that I may have ovulated early (has happened before). My husband also recently squeezed my boobs, as they do, and said, 'You must be pregnant. Your boobs are bigger'. Maybe I'm just due on and that's why I have pregnancy symptoms. The indigestion is the main alarm bell...and extreme tiredness, like I've been run over by a truck, but that could be this weird thundery weather we've had - I just don't know.
All a bit silly I know, but since then I've been obsessing about whether pre-ejaculate can get you pregnant (it can), and how long sperm can live in the vagina (sometimes up to a week!!), and so you can see where my thoughts are going!!

I won't know for sure until I test...next week maybe?? But thinking that I might be pg has made me think that I might want to be - but maybe I'm just telling myself that. I don't know. There is no easy answer here. If I am then I am and I'm sure it will all work out - but if I'm not, should I start ttc anyway?
Just nice to know I'm not alone in my journey of a possible 4th baby.

[Alcea]

Foreveryoung40 I've just noticed that you've twins. How lovely, but how would you feel about another set? That's something else to consider!

[Alcea]

Thank you tsotofamily, that's nice and reassuring. (I was 2pink you replied to but have name changed). It's just that I found the first year or 2 with 3 so hard, absolutely nothing prepared me for it. 2 was a breeze in comparison. DS Is 3 and life is finally easy(ier) again, we have fun, life is good, we've adorable and happy DC. I know if I asked on another forum the replies would be to be happy with I have, and that's the logical thing to do, but the heart wants just one more

I think if we do go for it I would be better prepared for how difficult it will be in the beginning and ask for help or hire help. I was back doing school runs (2 different drop offs and collections) within days with BF newborn ds and felt like I never got to sit down and bond with him or leave him sleep properly because we were always on the go those months were so hard because he used to hate the car and cry inconsolably. Although if I did conceive over the Summer or Autumn at least the baby would be due before their Summer holidays from school. Sorry, I'm rambling now...

Foreveryoung40 I feel like I can't answer your question because it's the same decision I'm struggling with. You have valid points. I have an even larger age gap, dd (14, who we had when we were very young), dd (8, when we found out feet and were in a position to have another) and DS who is 3. I think our families would think we are mad too. None have more than 2 and I think they were surprised when we were having #3. I know I shouldn't let their opinions bother me, but I'm very sensitive!
I have to laugh at what your ds said, they don't mince their words!!

[ForeverYoung40]

Hi ladies, I'm new to mumsnet so please be gentle with me!
I've been reading this thread with interest as I too have 3 children and am contemplating a 4th. I too would like some advice, so I hope the OP doesn't mind me hijacking this thread just slightly!?
My situation is that I have 3 lovely, bright and well-behaved (most of the time) boys. Ages are: 11, 11 and 8. We decided after no.3 that our family felt complete. But 8 years after my youngest was born, I'm starting to feel broody again.
I remember it being tricky at times when the boys were young (childhood illnesses being the worst part for me...and lack of sleep in the early days), but I really have enjoyed all stages of pregnancy and motherhood and having 3 kids aged 3 and under didn't phase me at all, although I could be looking back on the first few years of babyhood with rose-tinted glasses! The mind has a clever way of making you forget.

Anyway, I guess what I want to say is that even though I was sure I was done, I've began to wonder what family life would be like with #4. I am one of 4 and we didn't have lots of money etc growing up, and I didn't have my own room till I was about 11, but I loved it. I love being one of 4, as my parents, particularly my mum, had so much love that I never felt left out or felt that I had less than my friends etc.
I'm very like my mum in the sense that I have so much love to give - so much in fact, that my boys get annoyed with me because I'm always pestering them for hugs etc.
Financially we are comfortable. My husband does work long hours and can spend nights away, but that's always been the case so I'm used to it. I also figured that having a large gap could work in my favour as all of the boys are at school and the twins will be at Secondary school this Sept and are already becoming independent.
However, they haven't hit their teen years yet so that could cause some issues. Maybe having a little bro or sis will keep them a little more chilled? Or would they be resentful? I suppose each family is different so any advice given is subjective.
I think I just want to be told that it's a good idea and that those of you that went from 3 to 4 or 4 to 5 did it without any issues.
However, I'm not that naive so I know it would be tough at times.
I broached the subject with my very grown-up 8 year old and he said, 'Sorry but I think you are too old and you might die when the baby turns 20'. That was a sobering thought, but as I'm now 40 - he has a point. However, I'd like to think I'd live past 60 - but who knows when my time is up; I could live to be 100!!
Am I too old? Am I actually crazy? Am I being selfish? Or would having a fourth be the best decision we've made in the last 8 years?
I'm so sorry, I've totally droned on.
Just nice to get this off my chest as DH is the only one I've talked to about it (and he's still undecided too).

Will keep reading thread to see if anyone has some words of wisdom for me.

[Tsotofamily]

Hi 2pink only positive stuff here I love having 4 and if I had my way would definitely have another. There's 4 1/2 years between dd2 and dd3. The older 3 adore dd3 and she adores them ( shame the feeling isn't mutual between the rest of them but spose you can't win them all )

[2Pinkhydrangea]

I've just spent the last while reading this thread from start to finish and would love to see an update from the OP

Undecided here about a fourth and have spent the past week reading the no4 threads. I have to say that the majority seem to be quite negative The decision to have 1 & 2 was easy, 3 was scary, but 4 is terrifying! I'm really torn on it and feel my age and the kids ages (I already have huge age gaps due to circumstances a few years ago, Youngest is now 3).

[ruthieruthuk]

Im on child number three at the mo and cant wait to have another, my eldest is three, then i have a 20month old and 5monther, all boys, little girl would be nice next time however main thing is they are healthy

[Afreshstartplease]

Thought I'd pop on to update, DC4 is now one week old and has slotted in perfectly. I feel like he's always been here!